When the World Ended
by kaitlin1227
Summary: How will Clarke withstand the new world as it changes? She tries the best she can to change with the ever changing world but she's not sure if she can fast enough. Starts Clurphy and moves into a slow burn Bellarke.
1. Prologue

_So I haven't posted in quite awhile. I had a major case of writers block. I had started sooo many stories but after writing just a few chapters, the ideas just went away. But finally I have gotten this story finished and I'm pretty proud of it. It's long, 30ish chapters lol I just didn't want to post anything else until I had it completely finished if not it would end up on hiatus like my other two..._

 _Sooo about this it does start off Clurphy but does turn into a Bellarke slow burn... Just give it time. It is a zombie AU but there will be NO Clexa, actually Lexa does NOT exist in this story. I'm not against Clexa by any means but I just wanted to make sure I pointed that out early so no one would expect it, since it is a zombie AU._

My family always wanted me to be with someone who was more like me, upper class they say. Wells Jaha was their choice and I honestly gave him a fair chance but we had no chemistry and I wasn't the only who knew it. We were better as friends then anything more.

When I met Murphy it was complete coincidence, I got lost and he was the one to show me my way back. Nothing major and honestly I don't know what it was about the small encounter but it stuck with me.

The whole summer before senior year I made myself go back to, the bad part of town as my family would put it, trying to just get a glimpse of him again but it never happened. Before I knew it the summer was over and senior year was on us.

I was sitting in homeroom the first day of school between my two best friends, we were talking rather than listening to what the teacher was saying. I don't know what it was but even through us all talking when he called the next name it caught my attention.

"John Murphy." The teacher said.

"Here." I heard the voice that I had almost forgotten.

I turned around and when I saw him I noticed that he was also staring at me. I couldn't believe that he was there, at my school, sitting in my class and I just now noticed.

"Clarke… Clarke…" I heard an annoyed voice coming from beside me "Earth to Clarke Griffin."

I turned back to my friends, they were both staring at me.

"Eww did you see how Murphy was staring at you?" Eliza said sounding disgusted.

I could feel my face flush "Murphy?" I asked acting like I didn't know his name.

She laughed "Yea you know John Murphy who we've went to school with for like forever."

"I don't remember him." And that was the truth, I had no idea that we've went to school together.

I felt like a complete jackass. Here we've been going to school together for I don't even know how long and I had no idea who he was. I sat there and kept going over and over in my head trying to remember exactly how our meeting went over the summer. Now thinking about it, he did seem like he kind of knew me, he must think I'm a complete stuck-up bitch.

Once the bell rang I told my friends I would meet up with them, making an excuse. I hung back and waited for Murphy, when he finally got his things together and looked up he seemed surprised to see me standing there.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him automatically.

"I shouldn't have had to." He said kind of harshly.

"Your right." I sighed "So we've been going to school together for a while huh?"

"Since Kindergarten." I hadn't expected him to say that long.

"Now I really feel like an ass." I told him honestly. "Why did you help me then?"

He chuckled "I wouldn't have left you out there by yourself. That neighborhood isn't nice to strangers, especially ones that look like you."

That almost sounded like a compliment.

"I tried to find you after that night to thank you again but I had no luck." I wasn't sure why I just shared that but I could feel my cheeks heat up from the embarrassment.

"You came back around there? You shouldn't have done that. You could have been hurt." He actually seemed concerned.

"Don't worry it was during the day and I was driving so it wasn't like I was lost on foot in the dark again." I tried to lighten the mood.

"That would have just put a bigger target on your back, I can only imagine what kind of car you drive." This time it wasn't concern I heard in his voice but something that I didn't quite like.

"Actually I drive an older car." I couldn't help but defend myself. "I know I probably seem like this rich girl that gets everything handed to her and in some cases your right. But I worked my ass off to be able to afford my own car, my parents weren't very happy because they didn't think I should have to worry about paying my own way yet but I put my foot down and I got my way."

Murphy was smiling at me "you know you're kind of cute when you get mad."

His statement completely threw me and it left me speechless. It was an obvious compliment and he didn't mind that I knew it was.

The warning bell rang and I realized I was never going to make it to my class in time. I took a deep breath before I grabbed a pen from my bag and grabbed his hand.

After scribbling my number on his hand I said "call or text me if you want a proper thank you for pretty much saving my life."

I held onto his hand just a little longer than I should of before taking off to my next class not looking back at him, even though I wanted to just to see the expression on his face.

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Over the next few months I didn't go a day without talking to Murphy. We weren't anything official but I cared about him and I didn't care who knew. Once we started talking I was with him all the time at school Eliza tried to say something on a few occasions about not understanding what I saw in him. But I think she finally got it that it didn't matter what she said to me that it wouldn't change my mind about him.

My other best friends Wells opened up to Murphy right away. You'd actually think they had been best friends forever which was kind of odd because they were so different. But there is that old saying, opposites attract. Hell look at me and Murphy, we are polar opposites.

We had been friends for about two months the first time he met my mom and let's just say it didn't go over very well. It wouldn't have mattered the way they met, she would have never liked him but I'd say the way made it worse.

Murphy had been staying at my house, he would come in before my mom got off work and since she never checked on me it wasn't a problem. But for some reason she decided she would that night after she got off work and when she saw Murphy sleeping next to me she freaked out.

Of course she assumed we were doing more than just platonically sleeping together but she was wrong. Up until that point we had never even kissed. I liked him and I was pretty sure he felt the same but for some reason neither of us had ever made a move.

She tried to order me to stay away from him that night. Obviously I didn't listen and somehow I even ended up talking her into letting him stay in the guesthouse.

My guess was she knew she could trust me, I was 17 years old and had honestly never gotten in trouble a day in my life. I was a good girl, which I think was one of the main reasons people couldn't believe how close me and Murphy had become because he was the bad boy.

Murphy was struggling to finish school, he had skipped a lot his first few years of high school and when he was in class he hadn't paid attention. He was a slacker and I was the over achiever.

Since we became friends, he hadn't missed one day of school and had actually been doing good in his classes.

My mom took it upon herself to buy him a new wardrobe, her words exactly where "if you are going to be living under my roof, you will not wear that."

I honestly thought Murphy would argue with her but he just thanked her and went and changed. She tried to get him to cut his hair as well but he wasn't having none of that and I couldn't blame him. I really liked his hair to.

It was right after Christmas when Murphy kissed me for the first time. I had been a little depressed lately thinking about my dad. This was the first Christmas since he left and all those emotions were hitting me again. I had wanted to go with him so badly but he told me I needed to stay with my mom. The day he moved was the hardest day of my life and was also the day I met Murphy, well not met him really but first noticed him.

I was sitting in the living room watching a movie when Murphy came in, the moment he noticed I had been crying he sat next to me, put his arm around me and then pulled me to him. He already knew why I was crying so he didn't need to ask. He just sat there and let me cry on his shoulder.

When I finally got ahold of myself and stopped crying, I sat up and tried to apologize.

"You have no reason to apologize Clarke." He said softly as he brushed a piece of my hair from my face.

"I bet you're thinking it may have been a mistake befriending me aren't you?" I asked with a light laugh.

"No I was actually thinking that I couldn't believe how even after you've been crying your still so beautiful." His words were low and shaky.

I looked back up at him and the moment our eyes met he closed the space between us and when he pressed his lips to mine I felt like the world stopped. My heart was racing and everything after that happened so fast that I really didn't have time to think everything through.

Up until that night I had been a virgin, I didn't regret the decision to sleep with Murphy I just wish it would have happened further into our relationship. I was one who always believed you only slept with the one person you planned to spend the rest of your life with and right now I had no idea if Murphy was that person.

I tried not to let what happen effect the friendship we had but I couldn't help it. I had fallen head over heels for him and I was starting to think he didn't feel the same. It was obvious that he had some kind of feelings for me but I just didn't think it was the same.

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Over the next two months I felt myself slip further and further from Murphy. He tried his hardest to talk to me but I shut myself down, making excuses. I don't know why I did it, I guess I feared rejection more than I thought. In my mind if I was the one who spaced myself than I wouldn't be hurt that bad in the long run. Boy had I ever been wrong.

Murphy wasn't only the boy that I had fallen in love with, he had also become one of my best friends. Without him in my life daily had made me feel worse than I could have ever imagined. I knew it was my fault that he wasn't but I didn't know how to fix the problem that I created.

I had started feeling kind of off the last few weeks so I decided to take a day off school. My mom didn't like the idea of me missing school but she knew I must really feel bad to not want to go in.

I had laid back down and was almost asleep when I heard a light knock on the door.

"Yea?" I asked not moving from the door.

When Murphy opened the door, the look of concern was apparent on his face "you ok?"

I nodded, not making eye contact.

"I know this probably isn't the best time but I think we need to talk." He said as he walked toward me.

"I don't think we do." I told him, having a feeling I didn't want to hear what he was going to say.

He walked to the bed and sat down obviously not going to listen to what I said. "I'm sorry about what happened, I didn't mean to take advantage of you."

I attempted to sit up but a wave of nausea hit me so I laid back down. "You didn't."

"Then why have you been avoiding me? I wish you would have just talked to me. I kept waiting, thinking if I just gave you a little time that you'd come talk to me but you just kept pulling further and further away." He seemed like he was really upset.

"I think it finally hit me that I wanted something completely different out of this than you did." I finally met his eyes "I made a vow with myself a long time ago that I'd wait until I found the right person before I ever gave my all to someone. Up until I met you keeping that vow had been easy. I don't know what it was exactly but the closer we became the more I wanted from this. I just hadn't realized until that night exactly what that meant."

"What are you saying?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"I'm saying that I've fallen in love with you Murphy and it scares the shit out of me." I told him with complete honesty.

Murphy just stared at me for what seemed like forever without saying a word, without moving.

"Don't worry I wasn't expecting anything back from you. Now you understand why I was pulling myself from you." I knew I sounded disappointed.

"I just wasn't expecting…" He attempted to say.

"Really don't worry about it." I reassured him.

"Look I can't sit here and tell you that I love you to because honestly I have no idea if I do but Clarke I care for you." He took my hand in his "I have never felt for anyone the way I do for you. Do I think it's possible to love you? Yes. But I'm just not at that place yet."

When I looked at him again I noticed something I hadn't before, the way he looked at me. I was so sure that he was going to hurt me that I shut down, I didn't give him chance. It never even crossed my mind that he could possibly be on the same track as I was, it just happened to be that I got there first.

"I'm sorry." I told him and I don't know what it was but I knew Murphy was going to be in my life for as long as I wanted him there.

He leaned down and lightly kissed my lips, nothing too much though since I was still sick.

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It only took me about a couple days to start feeling better. I couldn't believe that me not feeling good had been all stress related. I was never one to get worked up on something that it physically makes me feel ill.

At least that's what I thought it was but I started thinking otherwise when a bunch of kids from school started getting sick as well. The only difference was they didn't seem to get better like I did. When Eliza didn't show up for school I really started getting worried. I found Wells right away.

"Hey have you talked to Eliza?" I asked him trying not to panic.

He shook his head "I tried to call all weekend but she didn't answer and never called me back."

"You think she has what everyone else does?" I asked him.

"I don't know but whatever this thing is it seems pretty bad." He said what I had already been thinking.

"You wanna go check on her after school?" I asked him.

"Sounds like a plan." He responded.

Once our last class let out I met up with Wells and was surprised to see Murphy tagging along behind him. I hadn't expected him to be interested in checking on Eliza since they didn't get along that well.

As we walked to my car Murphy took my hand in his, which surprised me because he had never shown me any kind of affection in public before.

Wells looked back at us then laughed "Bout damn time."

"Shut up." I play smacked him.

"So you guys official or what?" He asked just as we reached my car.

I looked at Murphy not sure how to answer that exactly. I laughed nervously "uh I really don't know how to answer that."

To my surprise Murphy pulled me to him wrapping his arms around me kissing me in front of everyone in the parking lot. When he pulled back he smirked "does that answer your question."

I felt my cheeks start to burn.

I've been going to school with these people my whole life and never had any of them seen me kiss someone before, not even my best friends.

We made it to Eliza's house pretty quickly and I couldn't help but notice that her parent's cars were home. Her parents were never home during the week, rarely on the weekends. They were both pretty busy professionals.

I was the first to get out of the car heading straight for the door. I knocked and rang the doorbell with no response. I felt Murphy's arms around my waist.

"This feels off." He said barley more than a whisper.

"I have to agree, I don't know what it is but I have a bad feeling." Wells agreed.

I don't know what tempted me to do it but I turned the handle and when the door opened I was not expecting what was behind it. There was so much blood. I knew it probably wasn't a good idea but I went into the house.

"Clarke." Wells said from behind me "I don't think this is a good idea."

"I'm not going to leave her, what if she's hurt?" I told Wells not even turning around.

I was glad Murphy was still right there with me because I don't know how I could have continued without him. When I saw Eliza's parents laying on the ground I let out a cry. Murphy had me turned around and in his arms as soon as he saw what I saw. He slowly led us out of the room grabbing his phone from his pocket.

"I have to call this in." He said as soon as we were far enough away that we couldn't see them anymore.

He was on the phone with the police in a few seconds, they ordered us out of the house. Telling us under no circumstance should we go back in. I knew we should have listened but I needed to find Eliza, I have known her since we were still in diapers. I needed to know if she was ok.

Murphy was still on the phone when I slipped away. I hadn't realized just how bad of an idea that was until I was making my way through the hallway on the second floor and saw her, it, I honestly wasn't sure what to call it. It looked like Eliza but not like her at the same time.

"Eliza?" I said with a shaky voice.

She started staggering toward me.

"Eliza are you ok?" I kept my eyes on her but I kept slowly backing up.

All I heard was groaning coming from her direction.

When my back hit a wall let's say I freaked out just a little. Hell I flipped out. I didn't know what was wrong with Eliza but obviously she wasn't herself and I didn't want to be anywhere near her. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and they made it just in time, Eliza lunged at me and I just stood there like an idiot.

A man in uniform rushed past me pushing Eliza back. He turned back and looked at me "You need to get back outside."

"Don't hurt her she's my best friend." I cried out at him when I saw him push her to the ground.

He turned and when his dark eyes met mine, I saw a flash of sadness behind his before they went back to seriousness. "Your friend is gone."

At that time I didn't understand what he meant. She was right there how could she be gone?

But as everything started to get worse I understood more and more each and every day.

The world was changing and it would never be the same again.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 ** _6 months later_**

We were now 6 months into what they were calling a zombie apocalypse. No one knew what happened exactly or who was the first infected. At least they weren't telling us anyway.

There was a lot shared on social media from around the world, so we had an idea that this was going on everywhere not just here. I guess it was a good thing that my mom was a pretty important doctor because when shit literally hit the fan the government took the "important" people with them and my mom just happened to be one of them. Which included myself and Murphy and I threw a complete fit until they allowed Wells and his dad to come along as well.

When we first arrived at this already protected military base I couldn't help but wonder why the hell they already had something like this in existence. It almost seemed like they were expecting something like this to happen.

I tried to question them but I found out early on that you don't ask questions, you just do as you're told and be glad that you're still alive. But living there I didn't feel alive anymore, I felt trapped and I could tell it was putting a toll on Murphy as well. Since I was planning on going to school for medicine I was put through training once we arrived at the base and I was one of the area doctors in training.

My mom believed I was ready to be on my own but I didn't. This new world wasn't something that was easy to get used to. More than anything else I felt like it was pulling me and Murphy apart, it seemed we couldn't agree on anything anymore. He was hell-bent on finding a way to get out of there and trying to make it on our own. There was no way in hell that that was a good idea. Beyond the walls of the base was nothing but a whole bunch of undead things that want to eat us. How could it be a good idea to go out into that?

I had just had a long day in medical and just wanted to come back to our room and sleep but Murphy had other ideas. As soon as I walked into the room he said "we need to talk."

I just looked at him and sighed "what about?"

"I found a way." He said excitably.

"A way to what?" I didn't understand.

"A way to get out." He said happier than I've seen in a long time.

"Are you crazy? I don't get it, is living with me so bad that you have a death wish?" I don't know why but him wanting to leave made me upset, like physically upset that I started crying.

"Why would you say that?" Now it was his turn to get confused.

"Because I get it that the living arrangements around here aren't the best but we are alive and together. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" I was mentally and physically exhausted.

"How can you be happy living here? I feel like we're prisoners. I feel like were being lied to and there is so much more going on then what we're being told." Murphy had a passion about this that's for sure.

"It's not that I'm happy living here. I'm just happy being here with you." I sighed knowing this was something we were never going to see eye to eye on.

"If we left we'd still be together. Maybe we could even find somewhere better than this. If not I'd be ok with it just being us." Murphy slowly made his way to me and sat next to me. "Look I know this isn't something you want to do but all I ask is to think about it, I'm leaving in two nights."

"You've already decided that you're going?" I couldn't help but feel hurt.

Murphy took a deep breath then nodded "I can't stay here anymore Clarke. I just hope that you'll come with me."

I knew I was probably acting like a baby but it pissed me off that he decided that he was going to leave here without letting me know first. I honestly had nothing left to say to him so I stood up and walked out of the room. My heart hurt, I couldn't stand the thought of losing Murphy but I also couldn't see myself making it out there. Murphy grew up a lot rougher than I did so he had experiences with having to protect himself but I've had none.

All that kept going through my mind was Murphy had a pretty good chance of surviving outside these walls but I honestly felt I didn't. So was it worth the risk? I had to really think about what was more important to me.

I had been walking around for hours and I hated to admit it but I kind of got lost. We were only allowed to go to certain areas and I think I might be in one of the restricted areas. I tried not to freak out but the longer I walked around and was unable to find my way back to something familiar I might have done just that.

"STOP" I heard someone shout from behind me.

When I turned around I was both relieved and scared shitless about how much trouble I was about to get in.

The man in uniform walked toward me "this is a restricted area, civilians are not allowed here."

"I'm sorry I got lost. I was trying to find my way back but honestly I have no idea where I am." I figured the truth was what would work best here.

When the man got close enough that I could see his face I couldn't help but notice he looked very familiar.

"Do I know you?" I asked without actually meaning to.

He chuckled "probably, I'm always around the base."

"No it's not that. I meant from before." I just stared at him and then it hit me when I looked into his dark eyes. I remember those eyes, how could I forget. "You. You were the one who took care of my friend Eliza when everything first started."

It took him a minute but I saw the moment he recognized me. I once again saw that sad look that I saw when he told me my friend was gone. "I'm sorry about your friend."

I tried to give him a small smile but it hit me right then that I hadn't even thought about Eliza until that moment. I felt like an awful person. "Can I ask? I mean am I allowed to. Uh. Did you have to kill her?"

"Ma'am she was already dead." He said in a caring voice.

"I had a feeling." I took a deep breath before giving him a half smile "and don't call me ma'am you make me feel old."

This actually made him laugh "so what am I supposed to call you?"

"Well everyone I know calls me Clarke, so how about we go with that." I knew I was flirting with him, I shouldn't have been but I was.

"Well it's nice to meet you Clarke." He said putting his hand out to shake mine.

"You know that's when you're supposed to introduce yourself." I said smugly not taking his hand.

A huge smile crossed his face "Well everyone I know calls me Sergeant Blake but I guess you can call me Bellamy."

This time I stuck my hand out and met his "Hmm I think I like Sergeant Blake better. It's kind of sexy." I winked at him.

I couldn't believe I just said that. This was not like me to openly flirt with someone especially because I was currently in a relationship.

"Well you can call me whatever you want." He said not taking his eyes off me.

I realized that my hand was still currently in his. It no longer looked like an innocent hand shake though, it actually looked like we were holding hands. I took my hand back without saying anything then finally broke eye contact with him.

"So you want to show me how to get back?" I finally said once I knew I had my voice back.

"I can but there's no rush." He said then quickly added "I mean that's if you're not in a hurry to get back."

I couldn't help but smile "actually I do need to get back, I've been gone awhile and I have people who will be worrying about me."

"Oh ok." He looked disappointed. "So where at on base are you staying?"

"Medical." I told him automatically.

He gave me an odd look "you don't look like any doctor I've ever saw."

I couldn't help but laugh "actually my mom's the doctor. I'm just in training."

"Are you Abby's daughter?" He stopped walking and just stared at me.

"Uh yea. You know my mom?" I asked him kind of confused about why he asked like that.

"So your Murphy's…" He stopped and I knew exactly why he was acting like that. He knew Murphy and here I am flirting with him and him with me.

"Shit. Please don't tell him about this. Dammit. I'm sorry. I knew I shouldn't have been flirting with you but I honestly figured I'd never see you again and what would be the harm in flirting with a hot man in uniform. You know?" I was nervous and talking really fast, if he told Murphy he was going to be pissed.

He went from a serious expression to the same huge ass grin that he had earlier in a matter of seconds. Which kind of pissed me off, I felt like he was mocking me because I was freaking out about him telling Murphy.

"This is not funny." I don't know what tempted me to do it but I swung my right arm at him attempting to hit him but obviously him being in the military he was quicker than me and grabbed ahold of my hand before I even came close to touching him.

He stood there holding my hand smirking. "So you think I'm hot huh?"

I took my free hand and once again attempted to hit him, of course that's the only thing he would hear out of my rant. Without even trying he caught that hand as well. I backed up trying to free my hands but when my back hit a wall I knew I was done, I had no way of getting loose myself. So I let my arms go limp, letting him know that I give up.

Bellamy once again smirked but didn't let go of my hands not exactly anyway he moved his hands just enough that our fingers intertwined. I didn't fight him on it even though I knew I should have. He took our hands and placed them on the wall a little above my head. When he did that he moved in closer to me. I kept telling myself to look away but there was something about his dark eyes that I couldn't take mine from.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, he very slowly moved his head toward me and I seriously thought he was going to kiss me.

I kept saying the same thing over and over again in my head.

 _Please don't kiss me._ _Please don't kiss me._ _Please don't kiss me._

Even though I kept thinking it I never said it out loud. And since I never once took my eyes from his I knew it made him think it was an open invitation. Finally I heard him sigh and barley say more than a whisper "I see exactly why he doesn't want to leave you."

It took him to say that for my mind to finally clear. "What did you just say?"

He finally released my hands and took a step back. "What?"

"What did you say about him leaving?" I asked impatiently.

"Just that he's struggling with leaving because you don't want to." He told me completely unaware of how pissed I was becoming.

"So this is your doing then? You're the one helping him leave?" I hissed.

He finally noticed just how upset I was, he took another step back. "No it isn't my doing but yes I will help him as well as the others in our small group that will be going."

"There's more that's going?" I asked him in disbelief.

Bellamy nodded "we all have people on the outside that were willing to risk our lives to find, it's why I didn't understand why you wouldn't want to go because of your dad."

"He told you about my dad?" I couldn't believe this, Murphy was telling these strangers things about me. He had no right.

"He just told me and it was in confidence that I'd keep it between the two of us." He said like that made everything alright.

"Well until now that is." I said sarcastically.

"Clarke." He started.

But I cut him off "wait a minute you said you all have someone on the outside but that's not true, Murphy doesn't have anyone."

"According to him, he has a sister." Bellamy told me hesitantly.

How could I not know about this if it's true? He has been in my life for about a year now and if he has a sister that he never told me about what does that say about our relationship.

"I have to go." I said and started walking completely forgetting that I had no idea where I was going.

"Clarke." I heard Bellamy from behind me "You're going the wrong way."

Finally I stopped and turned around not looking at him. "You're lucky I have no idea where I'm going."

I followed him in silence, not wanting to say another word.

When we finally got to an area that I recognized I started walking faster and passed him pretty much letting him know that I didn't need him anymore.

I had almost made it past him when I felt his hand on my arm. "Hey I'm sorry about everything."

I stopped and turned around knowing there was something that I needed to say. "Look how about we pretend tonight never happened. We just both promise to never bring up anything about us running into each other."

He took a breath than said "alright not like it's going to be a problem much longer anyway. I'm gone in a couple days and I honestly don't think Murphy will come if you don't."

"So you're going to?" I don't know why I couldn't keep my mouth closed.

He nodded "my sister's out there somewhere and I promised her a long time ago that I'd always protect her and when all this shit went down we got separated. But I have to believe that's she's still out there."

"There you are." I heard Murphy say from behind me.

I closed my eyes, cursing internally for not leaving sooner.

"Does this one belong to you?" I heard Bellamy ask Murphy, I couldn't help but look up and see he went all business like.

"Uh well she doesn't belong to me but she is my girlfriend." Murphy seemed like he had no idea how to answer.

"Well I found Miss Griffin wondering through a restricted area. I will let her off with a warning this time but if it happens again she will expect punishment." He said looking straight at Murphy then turned looked at me and I could have sworn that he winked before he turned and walked off but I couldn't tell for sure.

"I've been looking all over for you." He closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me "you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry I just needed some time to think." I told him as he was breaking the embrace.

He took a step back "no I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought that up like that."

He took my hand in his and we walked back to our room. I sat with him on the couch, we kept our hands together.

"I've had some time to think and I need to know the real reason why you want to leave." I had decided if he would open up to me and tell me about his sister than I will go with him. "I've been going over everything and I get it that being here isn't idea but neither is being out there. At least here we are safe, we do have a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs but out there we won't have any of that."

Murphy took a deep breath then looked straight at me "there is another reason. I just haven't told you because I didn't know how you would react."

Now I was really confused, if it was his sister why would I not understand?

He seemed nervous "ok there was this girl that I grew up with, we were in multiple foster homes together and we were really close. We became the family that neither of us had. She's like a sister to me and I'm worried about her. I know she survived the initial outbreak but I haven't talked to her since we came here. I feel like I betrayed her because I just left her to fend for herself."

"Why didn't you tell me about her before? I could have helped her. Well we could have helped her together. She could be here with us now." Even though he seemed off I was going to give him the benefit of doubt.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you. I guess I was just scared that you wouldn't understand our relationship and you wouldn't want me to see her." Murphy said but I couldn't help notice that he was avoiding looking at me.

"Look at me." I said and took his face gently in his hands "I trust you with every fiber in my being. You should know by now that you don't have to keep things from me."

"I know I shouldn't have I just didn't want to be put in a position to have to choose. I love you but I love her to, just in completely different ways." He finally seemed to be loosening up.

"You know I never get tired of hearing you say that." I smiled.

"I love you Clarke Griffin." He told me once again that he loved me.

I kissed him "and I love you John Murphy."

We didn't even make it back to the bed that night which was fine with me.

He fell asleep pretty quickly after but I laid there thinking. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute. I knew I made a mistake flirting with a complete stranger earlier when the only person I wanted was lying next to me. I knew I needed to have a talk with him, I had no idea how to find him but my mission tomorrow would be to find him since it seemed we would all be spending a lot of time together here in a couple days I needed to clear the air.

I hadn't told Murphy yet but I was going to go with him. I was going to leave the safety of our current living situation and hope like hell that we could stay alive.

This was my way of showing Murphy he meant more to me than anything, including my own life. I was scared out of my mind and honestly had a very bad feeling about leaving but it didn't matter my mind was made up.

 _Well I hope at least someone is enjoying this :) Any and all reviews are welcome. whether it's just telling me your enjoying this so far, or have some criticism that may help me._


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I had to be in medical pretty early so I was up and gone before Murphy even started stirring. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before so I was beyond tired. The moment I walked in my mom just glared at me.

"How much sleep did you get last night young lady?" She scolded me.

"Enough." I said right after a big yawn.

"You know sleep is one of the most important aspects of doing this job correctly. There may be some nights you won't be able to sleep because there's so much work to be done. So if you have the opportunity to sleep you should." I should have figured it was all about the job not being concerned for her daughter.

I rolled my eyes than smirked before saying "sorry me and Murphy were pretty busy last night."

If I thought the look she gave me when I walked in was bad, I don't even know how to explain the one she gave me then. "Clarke Elizabeth. I do NOT want to know about your sex life."

"Oh but why not, mommy. Isn't it healthy for a mother and daughter to talk about the daughter sex life?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"We are not having this conversation. It's time to get to work." She sighed "Oh and you have someone in room 1 that asked for you personally."

Someone asked for me personally, well that's weird. Since I'm just a trainee I didn't get my own patients but I guess it's an exception if I'm requested. I walked to the door and pulled the chart as soon as I saw the name I couldn't help but laugh, of course he'd make an appointment.

I opened the door and saw him sitting in one of the chairs. After closing the door behind me I turned back to him and said "What brings you in today Sergeant Blake?"

When he smiled I was guessing it was because he was remembering the comment I made the night before.

"Well I got this pretty bad cut and I heard you do pretty good stitching." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice.

"Well let's see this cut." I told him.

When he stood up and dropped his pants I stood staring at him like a complete idiot.

"You like what you see?" He said in a flirty tone.

"Shut up." I could feel my cheeks redden.

He had a bandage across his thigh. Of course he'd come to me with a cut in such a personal place.

"So how'd this happen?" I asked him with my back turned getting my supplies ready.

"I was distracted and wasn't watching where I was going and kind of walked into something." He told me vaguely.

"You know when I ask questions like this, it's so I know how to treat you not just because I want to hear you talk." I turned and looked at him. "So what did you walk in to?"

He sighed "well here's my time to look like an idiot in front of the cute doctor."

I couldn't help but blush once again. Dammit. "Don't say stuff like that."

"Sorry." He said in a low voice. "But anyway I don't know what it was exactly. It used to be some kind of metal sign or something sticking out of the ground."

"Was it rusty?" I asked him needing to know what kind of treatment I needed to do.

"Uh I have no idea it was dark." He looked kind of embarrassed.

"You're not doing a very good job of helping me out here." I said with a sigh. "Well let me get a look at it."

Bellamy attempted to pull the self-made bandage off his leg but I could tell with him doing it we'd be here forever so after ordering him to lay down on the table I positioned myself by his side.

"This may hurt a little." I knew it was going to really hurt especially looking at how much hair currently covered his upper leg.

I hated that my hands were shaking. How the hell was I supposed to do my job if I couldn't calm my nerves enough to pull the damn bandage off?

When he placed his hand on top of mine I couldn't help but look up and felt like I once again got lost in his dark eyes. I don't know what it was but it seemed to calm me enough that I was able to grab ahold of the end of the bandage. Without warning I pulled and pulled hard wanting to get it off in one swipe.

Bellamy cried out. "Damn girl you could have at least warned me."

"What would the fun in that be?" I asked with a smirk.

Now finally seeing the cut I was finally able to get in full on doctor mode and not think about the guy who I hate to admit that I kind of had a crush on was laying in front of me in his underwear. When I was cleaning it I didn't see any kind of rust but that didn't mean it wasn't. It was protocol that all of our personnel be treated for any and all injuries and if there was a possibility that he could have tetanus I was supposed to treat him. But I couldn't see giving him a shot when there was no evidence, we only had so much of our medical supplies I couldn't see using it if it wasn't needed.

"Once I get you all bandaged up, we're going for a walk. You're going to show me what you did this on." I told him sternly.

"Is that your way of asking me out?" I wanted to hit him in his smug face.

I glared at him "I don't think my boyfriend would approve of that."

He acted like he was hurt "pulling the boyfriend card huh?"

"Well quit flirting with me." I told him.

"I'll stop as soon as you do." He grinned.

"I was not flirting." I had to stand my ground.

"Today you wasn't."

"And last night never happened."

"Touché."

After the cut was completely cleaned I decided I wasn't going to use any of the anesthesia that we had available. In my opinion it wasn't bad enough. "Well I hope you have a pretty good pain tolerance because this is going to hurt."

"Way to sugarcoat it." He laughed.

I had everything set up on a small table next to the table he was currently laying on. Right before I started I looked up at him and said "if this hurts don't hold it against me when we're out there."

"You're going?" He sounded surprised.

"Yea I think I am."

I took one more deep breath before starting the stitches. Bellamy moved slightly as soon as I started. "You have to stay still."

I felt him place his hand on my waist. I couldn't help but jump a little at the contact but didn't say anything he was obviously in pain and was trying to calm himself down.

It didn't take that long to get the stitches in and since the gash wasn't that big it only took 5 stitches. He didn't move anymore after I told him to be still. He still had his hand on my waist and his eyes closed.

"I'm done." As soon as he heard my voice he opened his eyes but didn't remove his hand.

"That wasn't terrible." He chuckled.

Finally I moved so his hand fell to his side. Neither of us mentioned the contact.

All I had left was to bandage it up which I wasn't looking forward to. I didn't want to place any tape directly on his skin so I was going to have to wrap his leg and with how far up his thigh was I was going to have to get close to an area that I really didn't want to.

"Alright I'm going to need you to lay your leg straight out on this. I'm going to wrap your leg up." I told him trying to not let him hear how shaky my voice was.

He did just as I said. First I placed the bandage then took the wrap and began with shaky hands once again. This time he wasn't looking at me, he was just staring at the ceiling. Trying to get the first one to stay is always the hardest because it likes to slip sometimes and I felt like it kept happening just to punish me.

"You're killing me here." I looked up and couldn't miss the lust in his eyes which made me very aware of exactly where my hands were.

"I'm trying." And I really was.

I grabbed ahold of his hand and placed it where the wrap started. "Keep that still."

I really wished I would have thought of that earlier because we got it done on the first try that time. When it was finally finished I turned and looked at him as he was sitting up. "Now get your damn pants on."

"Yes ma'am."

I shook my head at him calling me ma'am again.

As soon as he was ready, we walked together out of the room. I needed to find my mom and let her know I had to take him to see what it was exactly that cut him. As soon as my mom saw us she had a huge smile on her face. "Sergeant Blake good to see you up and moving around again, I told you she would do a great job didn't I?"

"Yes you did Mrs. Griffin." I looked between my mom and Bellamy.

"You didn't." I asked her before I really even thought about what I was about to accuse my mom of.

"I didn't what Clarke?" She said innocently.

"You set all that up didn't you?" I was fuming "What did you think was going to happen? I'd go in there and work on his leg and we'd fall in love and I'd leave Murphy?"

"How dare you." My mother was getting loud but it didn't bother me one bit.

"I can't believe you'd do something like that. Hasn't he shown his worth to you yet? We love each other, why can't you be happy for me?" This was making it that much easier for me to leave her.

"He's trash Clarke. He always has been." She turned and looked at Bellamy. "But a little birdie told me that you two were seen last night looking awful cozy. So when he came in here this morning I only guessed it was because he wanted to see you again. So I made it happen."

"You seriously thought I'd do this just to see your daughter again?" Bellamy finally spoke up and he didn't sound happy.

"I honestly have no idea." She shrugged her shoulders. "But figured if you did I would make sure you didn't do it for nothing."

I just stared at her for a few moments than said "I'm leaving don't expect me back for the rest of the day."

I walked out of the room not waiting on a response. Once I got far enough away I finally stopped and waited on Bellamy.

"So that's your mom huh?" He said with a light laugh.

"Yup. She deserves the best mother award doesn't she?" I said sarcastically.

"So you have any idea who could have saw us last night?" He asked actually sounding concerned.

I shook my head. I had no idea. I just hoped my mom could keep her mouth shut.

I followed Bellamy to the old sign that he got cut on and was happy that there was no rust in sight so no need to take him back for the shot. I was planning to go back home but he talked me in to hanging out just a little longer. I don't know why I said yes. I should have went back home and spent some time with Murphy not be out here in public with Bellamy. But I didn't.

We actually had a pretty good time and he showed me some places that I hadn't even seen since being there. We were now on our way somewhere, Bellamy wouldn't tell me where we were going exactly. When he started climbing up a very unstable looking building, I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Where are you going?" I asked him without moving.

"You'll see." He put his hand out to me but I refused to take it "just take my damn hand. It'll be worth it. Trust me."

I took a deep breath not knowing if trusting him should be something I should be doing but I did just as he asked and took his hand. He pulled me up holding on to me the entire time until we reached the top. I had to say I was in awe. I looked out over the horizon, the sun was just setting and it was probably the most beautiful thing I've ever saw.

"Wow." Was all I had to say.

"I like coming up here. Its makes me forget what's out there." I heard Bellamy say from beside me.

"I'm scared." It was the first time I ever admitted that before. I didn't want to tell Murphy because I didn't want him to think less of me.

"Of what?" He looked at my confused.

"Of leaving here." I told him truthfully.

"It can be scary out there. I won't say any different but as long as were there for each other I think we'll be alright."

"I hope your right." I said softly.

"I'd never let anything happen to you." He said before he looked back to the view in front of us. "I mean any of you, you will all be my responsibility and as long as no one does anything stupid we have a good chance at surviving."

"I need to get back." I told him suddenly. "Murphy is going to wonder where I am."

We walked back not really saying much to each other. I honestly didn't know what to say anymore, I felt like the more we talked the more awkward things got between us.

"Should I start getting worried? This is two nights in a row that I find you with my girlfriend." I hear Murphy's joking voice coming from across the way.

I heard Bellamy laugh from beside me "oh you have nothing to worry about, this one is committed."

I couldn't believe he just said that.

"So what are you doing?" Murphy asked as he reached us.

"Actually your girlfriend here did a badass stitch job on me today."

"Oh yea?" Murphy asked.

"Yep I'd show you but I really don't want to drop my pants in public." I saw Murphy's eyes widen at his statement.

"And where exactly did my girlfriend have her hands at?" Murphy was obviously still playing but he seemed to be getting a little tense.

Bellamy patted his thigh.

"Yea I got to see a little more of Sergeant Blake than I would have liked." I was trying to make a joke but after seeing Murphy's expression I knew that it hadn't been the right thing to say.

I walked over to him taking his hand in mine. "I think maybe we should get going."

Murphy nodded in agreement.

I waved to Bellamy and could have smacked him, or punched him or something to seriously hurt him when he said "I'll be see you guys tomorrow right? I'm thinking somewhere between 11 and midnight."

Murphy had a confused look at first then he looked at me and said "you're going?"

I nodded "I was wanting to wait until we got home to tell you."

"But you tell him?" Murphy hissed.

"It's not like that." I tried to tell him.

"Oh really? You're gone for hours yesterday and when I finally find you you're with him. Then the same shit today." He was pissed "Is there something going on between you two?"

"Look this is my fault." Bellamy stepped closer to us "when I realized who she was last night I knew I had to talk to her. I had to get her to understand how important this is for all of us and without you our group won't be as good as it needs to be. I knew the only way you would come is if I talked to her but she had already made up her mind. She said that she decided last night that she was going to come for you."

"Is that true?" Murphy looked back at me.

I nodded "The whole point of me leaving last night was because I needed to think. I needed to make sure if I did this it was for the right reasons. When you opened up to me I knew that I had to do this for you."

The previous anger was replaced with understanding.

A huge smile crossed his face. "We're really doing this?"

I nodded.

He wrapped his arms around me and just held me. I mouthed a silent thank you to Bellamy, he nodded then walked away.

"You have no idea what this means to me." He whispered through my hair.

But I actually did know exactly what it meant. As much as I didn't like it I knew I had to do it. Not just for him but myself as well. I hadn't really thought about it but these last couple days I had thought more and more what it would be like to be reunited with my dad. If there was any possibility that he was still alive I'd like to find out.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

To say I am nervous is an understatement. Knowing that in just a few hours I would be wondering around in the world with the walking dead. I didn't know how I was going to do it, I had only been in close contact with maybe two. I wasn't ready to have to fight for my life every second of everyday.

I knew the only thing I had to do before leaving was see Wells. I would leave my mom a note explaining everything. I just felt that Wells deserved to know before I left though.

I was making my way down the hall when I saw Wells coming out of his room.

"Hey where you headed?" I asked.

"About to go explore. Why what's up?" He looked at me suspiciously.

"I need to talk to you."

"About damn time, I honestly thought you were just planning on leaving without telling me."

"You know?" I was shocked.

"Yea I've been meeting with them for weeks now." He said with a smile.

"Wait... Does that mean… Are you going?" I couldn't help but feel excited.

"Hell yea. You think I'd let you guys go have all the fun."

I couldn't help but laugh "I don't know what your definition of fun is but this is not mine."

"I know it's scary to think about what it will be like out there but I think if anyone can make it out there, we can."

"I hope your right." I hugged him.

"Me to."

I had to say this was the most excitement that I've felt since I decided to go. As soon as I left Wells I went back to my place and found Murphy packing. In all reality the only thing we really needed was food but we did decide to grab a change of clothes as well. We made sure our bags were just heavy enough but nothing too much.

Our bags were packed. My letter to my mom was written, now all we had to do was wait. And I had the perfect way to pass the time. I grabbed ahold of Murphy's hand and led him back to our bedroom, who knows when this could happen after today.

We heard a pounding on our door.

I couldn't help but giggle "We're busy. Come back later."

I heard a very annoyed stern Bellamy "It's Sergeant Blake. We need to speak now."

I looked down at Murphy, he smiled then said "just give us a minute."

I couldn't help but a giggle again when he flipped us over kissing me in the process. "Sorry babe."

He got off, put a pair of pants on and was throwing on his shirt as he walked toward the door. I hurried up and got dressed not believing that he was actually going to let him in while I was still in my current situation. He turned around and looked at me before opening the door, my guess was to make sure I was dressed.

When he opened the door, I noticed right away that he seemed very businesslike.

Murphy chuckled "sorry took her forever to get dressed."

Bellamy didn't even smile at the joke but said "we have a problem."

Murphy took a step back letting him in.

"What going on?" He asked.

"The person I have on the outside is going to be earlier than we thought." He seemed agitated.

"Like how much earlier?" I finally stepped up beside Murphy.

"Now."

No wonder he was a mess. He had to get who knows how many people ready with no time to do it.

"Shit." Murphy said.

"Well were ready, so we can help get the others to." I said looking between Murphy and Bellamy.

"You have no idea how good that is to hear you say. I really didn't know who else to go to." He seemed to relax some.

"Now when you say now, did you really mean now or do they have a little more time to get ready?" I had to ask.

Bellamy looked at me "Miller said he will be waiting right outside the wall in about 20 minutes so everyone who is still on needs to head to the meetup spot as soon as they can."

"So how many people are we looking at here?" I needed to know since I have never been to one of these meetings.

"Including us three and the driver there are 8 total." Bellamy told me.

"So in all reality not including us or Wells we only have to deal with making sure 3 others are ready, right?" I asked making sure I had the facts correct.

He smiled "yep that's sounds about right."

"Piece of cake. But I'd say since I have no idea who these 3 are, I'll go to Wells and he can take me to the meetup spot and I'll make sure everything is ready from there. You two can split up and grab the other 3?" I wasn't sure why I took charge like that but I couldn't help but enjoy it.

Murphy was now the one who was smiling "sounds good to me, how about you Bellamy? Any complaints?"

"Just that I wish we could have gotten her involved a long time ago." They both laughed.

We checked around the room to make sure we had everything we could use. After making sure nothing was being forgotten, we grabbed our bags and walked out of the door together. Murphy kissed me gently before we took off in opposite directions. I went straight to Wells room and started knocking, hoping like hell his dad wasn't there.

Of course things couldn't be that easy. Thelonious was the one who opened the door. "Hello Clarke."

"Hey Jaha where's your boy at?" I asked him with a huge smile plastered on my face.

"In his room, said he wasn't feeling good so he wanted to go lay down." He actually seemed concerned for his son.

"Do you mind if I go see him for just a minute? I've got something for him but I swear I'll leave as soon as he gets it. I wouldn't want to disturb a sick Jaha." I laughed.

Thelonious laughed as well. Wells was known to be overdramatic when he was sick so anytime he became ill I always made sure to spend the least amount of time in the Jaha house as possible.

"Go ahead hun, he'd probably enjoy seeing a friendly face." With that he went back to reading whatever it was that he was reading.

I walked back to Wells room, knocking on his bedroom door before letting myself in. He was in the middle of packing his bag and let's just say when I walked in he freaked out just a little.

"Clarke, what the hell? You trying to give me a heart attack?" He said looking frantic.

I couldn't help but laugh "sorry but there's been a change of plans."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well apparently Miller, Bellamy's outside man, will be here in about 15 minutes." I told him in a rush.

"What?" He was in instant freak-out mode "You've got to be kidding me."

"Nope no kidding here." I was trying to be serious but because of seeing him freak out I couldn't help but laugh.

He just looked at me like I was crazy.

"I don't know how I'm gonna get out of here. My dad will ask questions since I told him I wasn't feeling well." Wells was a little bit of a wreck.

"All I know is you have to get out of here because I don't have any idea where I'm going and without you I'm stuck here to." That's one thing that couldn't happen, I would not get left behind.

"Any ideas?" He looked at me questionably.

I rubbed my temples. Then an idea popped into my head, Wells might not like it but it's all I got and it gives him a reason to have a backpack. "Grab your backpack."

"Why? What are we doing?" I hoped he would just go along with me, I don't want to tell him the plan.

"Just get it. Let me do the talking." I gave him a look, that said don't question me.

"Lead the way." He put his hand out in front of him.

I hooked our arms together and lead the way.

Thelonious looked up at us when we exited the room. "Where are you guys headed?"

"If you don't mind I was gonna steal him for the night." I asked innocently.

"I thought you didn't feel well son." He looked at Wells waiting for an answer.

"Uh." Was all Wells got out before I took over.

"It's alright you can tell him." I said looking at Wells then looked back at Jaha and with a sigh I said "your boy is heartbroken."

That got Jaha's attention "heartbroken but he wasn't dating anyone."

Wells cleared his throat, "actually I had been, for a little while actually but I should have known there was a reason behind her wanting to keep it quiet."

He looked like he understood right then where we were headed with this.

"I'm sorry son, I had no idea." He said then he looked at me "what are you guys planning on doing tonight?"

I laughed "if I tell you, you may not let him come over."

That actually made him laugh which was what I was hoping for.

"Go on. Mend your broken heart. Should I expect you back tomorrow?" He asked his son.

Wells nodded.

Before we left he hugged his dad and told him he loved him. I hoped it wasn't too obvious that something else was going on. I wasn't sure exactly how long we spend inside but I was afraid it had been too long. I followed Wells and we went as quickly as possible without looking suspicious.

"We're almost there." He said out of breath.

We turned the corner and I saw Bellamy standing there. He looked like he was freaking out.

"Where the hell have you two been?" He yelled as soon as we were in earshot.

"Sorry I had to get Wells out, his dad was home." I apologized.

"We were about to leave your asses." He was obviously annoyed. "You had one job and you about screwed that up."

I couldn't help but feel hurt at his statement "Look I'm sorry but I couldn't get here without him so we had to come up with a story to get him out of the house without his dad looking for him."

"Well your lucky you made it when you did." He hissed.

I turned around stopping right in front of him which in turn made him run right into me.

"What the hell?" He roared.

I don't know what got into me but it really pissed me off how he was acting so I took both of my hands and pushed him backward.

"You have no reason to yell at me. I did exactly as you asked, I brought Wells. It is NOT my fault that your outside guy had issues or whatever the hell happened and had to come hours earlier than planned." I yelled and didn't care who heard.

He finally seemed to relax "I'm sorry I wasn't trying to take it out on you, it's just if this doesn't go right I may never see my sister again."

Looking at the sadness in his eyes made it almost impossible to be mad at him even though he had just made me feel like shit for no reason at all.

"Well then let's go." I said in a voice that I hoped he heard as understanding.

He placed his hand on my lower back motioning for me to walk. We walked just a little further then I saw Wells standing there waiting on us.

"I was wondering what happened." He said looking back and forth between us.

Bellamy sighed "I was being an ass and she put me in my place."

I smiled and Wells replied "yea she's good at doing that."

When we made it to the wall Bellamy showed us where to go. Wells went first then I did, Bellamy stayed in the rear. As soon as we were on the other side I watched as Bellamy made sure the entrance was completely closed up so no one would spot it then when I turned around and looked at the outside world I couldn't believe how different it looked.

Then I saw the white van parked about 10 feet down the road, Wells was already heading that way so I followed him. As soon as we got in range the door opened Wells sat in the last seat in the second row which left me sitting between Murphy and Bellamy.

Well this is going to be interesting.

We were only in the van for about 5 minutes before Bellamy started making introductions. "I figured since most of you haven't actually had a chance to meet our newest addition, now might be a good time to introduce you all."

I could feel my cheek redden from being put on the spotlight.

"Everyone this is Clarke Griffin. She is Dr. Griffin's daughter also our own Murphy's girlfriend." Bellamy told them.

The dark haired girl in the front passenger seat turned around and looked at me "so you do exist. We were starting to think Murphy made you up."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yea I'm real."

Bellamy continued "Well that is the one and only Raven Reyes. She is one of the best mechanic I've ever met so she is crucial to our group. You give her enough time she can and will fix anything you bring her way."

"You probably already assumed but the one behind the wheel is Nathan Miller. If it wasn't for him this whole plan couldn't have come together."

"Next you have Monty Green. He and his girlfriend Harper McIntyre will be the reason we survive. They know everything there is to know about wild vegetation and if we find a place stable enough to make our next home, they will be able to help grow all the food we need."

Monty turned around and flashed me a smile "I also use to be pretty kickass about hacking anything electronic but I guess that really doesn't matter anymore."

I shook my head "not right now, but give it time. One day it will again."

"Well and you know the rest of us. So that concludes introductions." Bellamy finished up.

"All I really have to say is thank you for including me. I know in all reality the only reason I'm here is because of Murphy. I know I have no skills that will help us survive but I am very determined so I will do anything I possibly can to help the rest of us." I wanted them to know that I will not take this for granted.

"You might not think that you have any skills just give it a little time, you'll find something." Raven told me.

"I really appreciate that. I just hope your right." I hadn't realized until that moment how much I really hoped she was right.

I couldn't help but look out the window next to Murphy and just stare into the darkness that surrounded us. Occasionally seeing eyes light up as we drove by. I had no idea how I would survive against one of them. I felt the fear begin to take over and I don't know if it was showing but when I felt Murphy gently stroke my cheek it brought me back inside the van.

I don't know what it was but when I looked it to his eyes, I felt safe. He put his arm around my shoulders so I leaned into him placing my head on his shoulder.

The last thing I heard before sleep took me was him whisper "I will never let anything happen to you."


	5. Chapter 4

_So it's the first full chapter on them being on the outside. Hope you all enjoy!_

 **Chapter 4**

I had tried to sleep as much as possible but it seemed like every time I finally started falling asleep I was jolted away by something. But I must have finally been able to get some shut eye because when I opened my eyes this time I saw light. I didn't want to move though I was so comfortable laying here in Murphy's embrace. I could feel his chest rising and falling beneath me, just by his breathing I could tell he was still sleeping.

It wasn't until I started to really wake up that I realized something was wrong. We were stopped. Why were we stopped? Finally I started moving which in turn woke up the person I was currently cuddled up to. It wasn't until he said "good morning" that I realized that it wasn't Murphy after all.

I shot up first looking to the other side of me and noticed Murphy was not there, then looked in the front of the van and realized it was all empty except a sleeping Miller. Finally I looked back at Bellamy. "Where is everyone?"

"Miller needed to get some sleep in so we decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to stop for a little while. The rest decided to go scavenger the area and see if there is anything useful." He said softly.

"How did…" I didn't know how to ask "Uh… When I fell asleep…"

Bellamy chuckled "you trying to ask how you ended up cuddled up in my arms?"

"Yea something like that." I said quickly.

"You seemed to be fighting your sleep pretty hard last night. It seemed like you were having nightmares. You kept bashing around, Murphy tried to keep you calm but nothing seemed to help." Bellamy swallowed and I couldn't help but notice he looked nervous.

"And?" I couldn't help but feel impatient.

"Well I tried to help him and somehow you ended up in my arms and once you calmed down that time you seemed to fall right asleep and didn't wake back up until now." Bellamy wouldn't meet my eyes and I was kind of happy for that.

"Shit." Finally he looked at me "Is Murphy pissed?"

"He acted like it didn't bother him but I could tell he seemed hurt." He told me honestly.

I sighed "this is all I need, he obviously already thought something was going on between us before."

"Hey don't worry about it. There could be many reasons why it happened." I knew he was just trying to make me feel better.

"Yea? Name one?" I tested him.

"Well maybe it was just the way you as laying. I know it sounds stupid but that could have been the case. Or it could have even been that you had just been looking out the window and when you closed your eyes you kept seeing what you had seen outside. Until you turned directions that is." I had to admit his ideas weren't half bad.

"Well I'm not going to lie to him. I'm just going to tell him I have no idea why it happened." I shrugged my shoulders knowing that it probably wouldn't be enough but hoped it would.

Just then I saw them starting to walk back up. I was excited to see Murphy. I also noticed they were carrying some stuff. I climbed over Bellamy, I know that probably wasn't the best move but I'd deal with that later, I just wanted to get to Murphy. When I opened the van door I couldn't help but notice all their eyes were on me.

I ignored them and walked straight to Murphy "can we talk?"

He nodded and after he put what he was holding down behind the van we walked a little up the road so we could talk in private.

The moment we stopped I took his hands "look I don't know what happened last night but I need you to know that it didn't mean anything."

"I want to believe that but there's something about the two of you when you're together. I don't know what it is exactly but there's something there." Murphy seemed really down.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I wanted to believe what I was saying but I knew deep down I knew exactly what he meant. "The only thing I can tell you is I love you and nothing will ever change that."

"I hope not." He said barley more than a whisper and honestly I had no idea if he wanted me to hear it or not.

When we got back to the van Miller had climbed in the back and Bellamy was now in the driver's seat. I couldn't help but feel relief.

We were back on the road within a few minutes. As we drove we didn't see much of the undead but I knew that didn't mean anything. I knew they were out there. I didn't know the plan exactly but from what Murphy told me we were going to try to stay off the main roads and out of major cities. From what Monty found out before everything went out was that was the worst areas to be, they were swarming with zombies. Which makes sense, the more people who were in a place when this started happening had the worst possible outcome.

Everyone decided that it would be better to find somewhere to stay once it started getting dark. I was good staying in the van but they didn't think it was a good idea. Which I guess I saw their point, I just felt safer with everyone being so close. And then there was the whole fact that we would have to find a place and go inside not knowing what we would find.

As soon as we stopped I felt my nerves go all over me. We piled out of the van and Bellamy started talking. "Alright I wasn't able to get much from back at the base but I was able to get everyone a decent knife, I know there not great but they'll do. Just remember if you encounter one go for the head, it's the only way they'll go down."

He handed out the knives. Then he looked at each and every one of us. "Miller and I also have guns but they will only be used in an absolute emergency since we are limited on bullets and the loud noise does attract more."

"Why don't we get guns?" Of course it was Murphy.

"We actually was able to get enough guns for you all. But they will only be handed out when we think you are ready for them." Bellamy said without hesitation.

Murphy nodded, obviously agreeing.

"So Miller will be leading and it's up to you who will go in after him, I will stay in the back in case we have stragglers. In my opinion we need the best up front, to help take out anything that may be there." I couldn't help but feel completely left out because I knew I wasn't one of the strong ones.

"I'll go next to Miller if that's cool with you guys?" Murphy said looking between Miller and Bellamy.

"I have no complaints." Miller said.

Bellamy chuckled "Me either."

Now I felt even worse because where did that leave me? By myself. I didn't speak up though, I didn't want this group to think any worse of me then they already did.

We approached the fence quietly but when Miller opened the gate, he banged it back and forth a couple times. At first I had no idea why he did but then I saw them. There was three of them, two men and woman. They had obviously been dead for a while now. All three of them started heading toward the gate at the same time.

Out of habit I backed up and it ended up being right into Bellamy. He placed his hands on my waist and softly said "don't worry they'll be alright, they know what they're doing."

I watched in awe as Miller stepped aside and let Murphy take care of the first zombie, he had him on the ground with a knife cut through his brain in a matter of seconds. His face said it all, he enjoyed doing this. Then I saw a wicked smile cross Raven's face as she went and took care of the second zombie, her kill wasn't as clean as Murphy's but it wasn't bad. Then I watched as Monty and Harper went back and forth for the third one, at first I thought they both wanted to kill it but as I watched a little closer that wasn't the case. Harper was trying to get Monty to do the kill but he wouldn't, he wanted her to do it. Finally Harper sighed and took it out like it was no big deal.

I had been so caught up in watching what was going on in front of me that I hadn't even realized that Bellamy hands were still on me. It wasn't until he slowly took them away that I became completely aware of the situation. I was just glad that Murphy hadn't been paying attention because that would have just fueled his suspicion.

Miller opened the gate, letting us all in then Bellamy made sure it was securely closed. Once we made it to the house the same thing was done but this time Monty actually made a kill as well and I couldn't help but notice that he looked like he wanted to throw up. I'm glad I didn't have anyone trying to get me to make my first kill because I knew I wasn't quite ready yet. I stood there watching just waiting for them to give us an all clear.

Murphy came out and I couldn't help but notice he was grinning from ear to ear. He swooped me up in his arms and kissed me.

"You know you're crazy right?" I asked him when he finally pulled back.

"It's such a rush of adrenaline." He told me but I already could tell that. "Wait until you get your first kill, its mind blowing."

"Just because it is for you doesn't mean it'll be the same for me. You live for this shit. Me, not so much." I couldn't help but show my fear a little.

"You're not the only one." I heard Wells say coming up beside us.

At least I wasn't the only one that hadn't killed an undead thing yet.

The rest of us made our way inside and when I walked in I saw they were already getting the area ready for us to stay in. They was pulling the big furniture over the windows and blocking the doors.

"I think its best if we all stay together here in the living room since it's the biggest room. There is one bedroom but in my opinion it's not a good idea to split up and sleep in different areas. If you want to do other things, please use the bedroom." Miller looked straight at myself and Murphy then to Monty and Harper "but either me or Bellamy will be on watch at all times, so please don't hesitate to come to us for anything."

I could tell my cheeks were red by the heat coming off my face. I always hated being put on the spot like that. But I really hoped Murphy wasn't planning on doing anything why we were here because there was no way in hell I'd be able to make love to him with 6 other people in the next room.

"But you all need to make sure you get plenty of rest, tomorrow will be a long day. We'll be reaching town where we hope we'll be able to reunite at least some of our people with their loved ones. But you know with towns come zombies." Bellamy continued what Miller had started.

"This might be a stupid question and it has probably been answered when you guys met up before but what happens if we do meet up with them? We obviously don't have enough room in the van and we don't have anywhere to live. So what's the plan?" I don't know why I opened my mouth but I couldn't seem to control myself.

"That's something we'll have to figure out when that time comes. If we only end up finding a couple more then we can squeeze in. But we discussed looking for places that we might be able to use as our own, if we see something that we think is livable we just bring it up and work from there." Miller said kindly "But one thing I mentioned before is we need to truly think about what kind of place we want to stay in, of course we couldn't all just live in one house. No one having their own space will take a toll on people. So we need to decide if we want to try and concur a neighborhood, an apartment building, or a couple duplexes. There is a lot to think about when it comes to choosing the right place."

I was glad he explained things to me and didn't get an attitude because I didn't know. "Thank you and if I have any idea, I'll speak up. Even though I probably won't."

"Hey you never know. You may excel being out here. Something you might have not been able to do being locked up back at the base." It made me feel good that they believed I could help.

"Well I do know medical things, so I guess I will be good for something." I chuckled.

"Clarke believe it or not you're a crucial member of this group. You may not be good with the combat stuff but you will help keep us alive." I felt like I probably had the cheesiest grin on my face right then. Up until that point I really didn't think I had a place here. That the only reason I was here was because of Murphy.

We all ate a small amount before everyone tried to get comfortable and fall asleep on the cold hard floor. It wasn't really cold or anything but it was cool for an August night. I laid there tossing and turning for what seemed like ever. I looked around and couldn't believe that everyone else was out cold, including Murphy. I knew getting sleep was crucial and I really tried but finally I just got tired of not being that tired and got up. I stayed quiet so I wouldn't disturb anyone.

I kind of hoped Miller was on duty because I could use a little chatting and I just thought it wouldn't be appropriate with Bellamy. I looked around the house and when I couldn't find whoever was on guard I checked the front door and saw that it was cracked. So I pulled it open just a little more but the squeak alerted the person standing on the other side which just happened to be Bellamy.

He smiled when he saw me standing there. "Having problems sleeping?"

I nodded and softly said "yea."

"You wanna join me?" He asked me and I really wanted to tell him no but I didn't. I opened the screen door and quietly closed the main door behind me.

"So what are you doing out here?" I asked him curiously.

"Getting rid of those." He said pointing at the bodies lying on the other side of the fence.

"Ah."

I watched as a couple more came up and just kept continuously walking into the fence even though they obviously wasn't getting anywhere.

"They're not very smart are they?" I asked with a chuckle.

He shook his head. He started heading toward the fence and I don't know what made me do it but I followed him.

He was about to stab the first one when I grabbed ahold of his arm. He turned and looked at me "can I?"

He lowered his hand "you sure you ready?"

I let out a light laugh "honestly I don't think I'll ever be ready but I know I need to know how to do this if I want to survive."

He grabbed ahold of my hand and very gently placed the knife in my palm. "Now the most important thing you need to know is don't let it bite you."

I couldn't help but laugh "you think."

My response made him smile. He then continued "then you need to make sure you have a tight grip on the knife and when you plunge it into its head you need to make sure you do it hard. You will need to use all the strength you can, if you don't do it hard enough you won't kill it."

"Way to make me feel good about this." I couldn't help but say.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat anything just because I kinda like you, this is real and how you approach one of these guys will determine if you live or die. And honestly I would rather you not go dying on us, you're the only one of us that knows anything medically." He didn't even look embarrassed about saying that he kinda liked me which I thought was a little strange.

"You ready?" He asked which completely pulled me out of my head.

"Sorry got a little distracted."

"Yea I have that effect on girls sometimes." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

I took a deep breath then when I felt ready I took a step toward the fence holding the knife up. I felt myself shaking but then Bellamy stepped up behind me helping steady me. Having that extra support helped more than I thought it would.

"You need to make sure you have control." He said barley more than a whisper.

The only thing I could think right then is I felt like I was completely losing control of everything. When he slid his hand from my wrist to my waist I felt my body react and it wasn't the way I wanted it to. I leaned back into him and I heard him take a deep breath.

"This isn't helping with control." I barely got out.

Finally I felt him remove his hands. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before opening them again. Trying my hardest to not think of the man who is currently standing a few feet behind me. I need to think of the task on hand and only that.

Finally I looked at the zombie who was trying to get through the fence and took the step back up to it, holding the knife high. When I knew I was ready I quickly took the knife to the side of its head, jabbing it in as hard as I could. I was able to get it in a lot easier than I thought but my problem was getting it back out, Bellamy had to jump into action to get my knife back.

He held up the knife like he wanted me to take it back from him but I just shook my head. I didn't want it back still covered in zombie brains. He smiled at me obviously getting why I didn't want it back.

"You want the honors of doing the other one or you want me to take care of it?" He asked.

I grabbed the knife from him "I'll do it."

I headed back to the fence, it took me less time to get ready this time and in only a matter of seconds I had the knife in and out of the zombies head. It went down with no fight left. I turned around and couldn't help but smile. Bellamy was smiling back at me.

Without thinking I ran to him dropping the knife in the process and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I knew you'd be a natural." He said as he returned the embrace.

When it finally hit me what I had just done I released my arms and took a step back. I sighed then looked up at his face "this has to stop."

He looked confused "what do you mean?"

"This." I took my hand and waved it back and forth between the two of us "I know you feel it to, there's something here but there can't be."

He didn't respond, just stared at me.

"Up until Murphy I had never even been in a real relationship, it was never my top priority. But I love him, I do. More than I ever thought possible and I can't do anything to jeopardize that. I don't know what this is but it has to stop." It felt good finally getting that off my chest but saying them words out loud made it real.

"I get it." He actually looked sad "I can't deny that I feel something but I know you're spoken for. Maybe one day we'll be able to explore what this is or maybe we won't. I guess time will tell."

I walked back into the house more confused than I was before. Being out in a zombie infested world was enough to worry about, I really didn't want to worry about anything else. But I couldn't help but continuously wonder what it was exactly about Bellamy that I couldn't shake. It's not like I really knew him but there was something just so familiar. Something that no matter how much I told myself I had to stay away my body didn't want to listen.

When I went and laid back down I fell right asleep. I didn't know if it was because of the excitement of killing my first zombies or the drama with Bellamy but I was exhausted.

 _So obviously I'm throwing in some Bellarke while Clurphy is still canon. Clarke is being pulled to him even though she is trying her hardest to stay away._


	6. Chapter 5

_Thank you so much for your review, honestly my Clurphy obsession has kind of died as well lol. I actually started this over 2 years ago but just recently finished it._

 **Chapter 5**

We were on the road bright and early the next morning and even though I only got a few hours of sleep I felt refreshed. I shared my zombie killing news with Murphy, he showed a little bit of jealousy that Bellamy had been the one who helped me with it but he seemed to let it go since Bellamy was the one who trained the rest of them.

I knew going through town was going to be a lot different than what I experienced so far. So I knew not to think just because I was able to kill two separated by a fence that I would be able to kill any out in the open. I would try but if I didn't feel comfortable then I wouldn't put myself at risk.

Wells was jealous because he still hadn't gotten his first zombie kill. Yea he trained with the rest of them back at base but it was nothing like getting an actual kill.

The moment we started going through town I could tell the difference, there was a lot more zombies randomly walking through the streets than there had been before. It was crazy being back here, it looked like the 6 months we had been gone did nothing good for this town.

I looked over to Murphy "why are we back here?"

"We hope the people who were from around here might still be here somewhere." He told me and he had a little attitude like I should have known.

"Well who's from around here?" It didn't bother me that he had an attitude I was still going to ask my questions.

"Well Emori was from the same neighborhood that I was and then so was Bellamy, so were hoping maybe both might still be around here."

"Bellamy was from around here?" Once the words left my mouth I knew I shouldn't have asked.

Murphy turned and looked at me "yea, him and his sister lived close to where I grew up."

"Oh. I didn't know anyone except us and Wells came from around here." I tried to play it off like I hadn't been interested in where Bellamy came from.

"They were in a different class than you Clarke. We already established that you have a tendency to not notice people who weren't like you." He said that like it was no big deal but it really hurt my feelings.

"Look I know I used to be one of them people but that changed a long time ago. You made me a better person but there's nothing I can do about who I used to be." I tried to keep my emotions in check but I wasn't doing a very good job.

"You only changed because you had to, the way you were before would have gotten you killed." I couldn't believe he just said that.

"I changed before this shit and you know that." I started getting a little loud.

"Keep your voice down." He glared at me.

I was done talking so I just looked out the window trying to figure out where this was coming from. Murphy has never talked to me like this before. I know when we first met I wasn't the kind of person who he ever thought he'd end up with but I know that I changed the moment I realized just how awful of a person I was.

When the van stopped I didn't know if I should be happy or scared. I hoped putting a little space between us would get him to calm down some. I didn't know what his problem was but I hoped we could work through it.

Miller was the first to get out of the van followed by Bellamy, then the rest of us filed out. We did a quick sweep of those around us and I am happy to report that I was able to get me a few more kills in. It also looked like Wells may have finally gotten his first as well.

"Ok so we can cover more ground I think it would be best if we split into four groups. Don't go too far out, we will search one section at a time then meet back up and do the next section. Hopefully we will find survivors and even more hopefully we will find some of our people." Miller announced once we were all together.

He looked around the group then stopped on Monty and Harper "You two think you're good to go as a team?" They both nodded then his attention was brought to me and Murphy and he asked the same question. I looked at Murphy and he nodded so I followed suit. "Ok so Wells that leaves you with me and Raven you go with Bellamy."

Miller laid out to each team where he wanted each of us to go. Murphy didn't wait around he just took off so I followed him, you know since we were supposed to be a team. I didn't attempt to talk to him, I just hoped when he cooled off enough and was ready to talk he would.

By the time we cleared out the third house he had become so distant that he wasn't even waiting for me anymore. By the time I walked out of the house he was already gone. I didn't see him anywhere. So I walked around the street hoping that I could find him, when I didn't I was beginning to get a little pissed. How in the hell could he just leave me like this.

I heard someone yell Murphy in the distance so I started running toward the sound. Finally I turned the last corner and saw him turning around just in time to see a dark haired girl jump into his arms.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me." I heard her say right before she placed her lips to his.

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I just watched as this girl kissed my boyfriend. I watched Murphy stumble back and for a split second I actually thought he was going to pull away from her but I was wrong. He pushed her up against the wall and deepened the kiss. I felt like I was having a bad nightmare. I wanted to take my eyes away from the scene in front of me but I couldn't. No matter how much I didn't want to see I couldn't look away.

I thought I heard someone calling my name in the distance but I never turned and look. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Murphy and this girl. I felt like such an idiot, thinking that he was mine even though our backgrounds were so different.

That's when I heard it, the noise coming from right behind me. I turned just in time to see Bellamy shoot the zombie that was literally less than a foot from me. "What the hell are you doing? You know you have to always be on lookout when you're out here."

I didn't say a word to him, I didn't look back behind me to see if Murphy had saw me standing there. I just walked, past the zombie that was lying on the ground with a bullet through his brain, past Bellamy then straight past Raven who was looking at the situation confused. I didn't say a word to anyone, I just walked to the van not wanting to be out here anymore. I wanted to go back, I wanted my mom.

"Clarke." I heard Murphy yelling just as I approached the van.

I didn't turn to face him, I didn't stop.

"Let me explain." He finally said as I reached the van's door.

Finally I turned around knowing my face was filled with tears. "Explain what? How you've strung me around for almost a year, for what? I don't get it Murphy, why the hell did you even want me here if you was out here trying to find your real girlfriend?"

"She's not… It's not like that." He stumbled on his words.

"It sure looked that way." I hissed.

"We never actually dated. Clarke you, you are my girlfriend." He tried to tell me.

"Well you have a shitty way of showing it." I yelled at him.

"You two are going to have to quiet down some, your attracting more of them." Bellamy interrupted us.

Murphy turned and glared at Bellamy "you stay out of this. This is just as much your fault."

Bellamy looked at him in disbelief.

"Really it's his fault that you go around kissing girls that are like your sister to you?" I yelled.

He turned back and looked at me "of course you would defend him."

"Oh my god Murphy do you feel so guilty about what you've been doing that you have to make it someone else's fault?" I couldn't believe him.

"You can say whatever you want but I know you two have been messing around so why do you even care about Emori?" He seemed so cold.

"Messing around? Really? The only thing we have been doing is spending time together so he can make sure I survive out here. I am only here because you begged me to be. So I'm sorry if you only wanted me to come so I could die because that's not going to happen." I was so pissed.

"How could you say that?" He looked at me in shock.

"Really you don't know? How about because ever since we've been on the road I've felt like you've been pulling away from me. What is it, did you realize this isn't what you wanted? Was you only there before because you had nowhere else to be?" I felt the fresh tears start streaming down my face.

Murphy tried to come toward me but I backed up hitting my back on the van.

I looked at Bellamy "you guys go talk to her and see if there's anyone else in the area that she knows about. I'm going to stay here." Then I turned and looked at Murphy "go with them I don't want you here."

I opened the van door and climbed inside feeling myself break down the moment the door closed behind me. I laid down in the backseat and just allowed myself to cry. I wasn't sure how long I laid there when I heard the door open again and I was surprised to see it was Raven.

When I looked up at her she smiled, I sat up letting her sit next to me.

"Look I don't know what the whole story is here but don't ever let a guy rule your life. There are many fish in the sea and you may find one who's better than the old one." She was trying to cheer me up.

"But I don't want anyone else." I sniffled "I know you didn't know me before this and even after we never knew each other back at the base but I was a completely different person and it was because of Murphy that I realized I didn't like who I used to be."

"So you think you owe him?" She asked.

"I do owe him, without him I would probably be dead right now. I wasn't strong before." I sighed.

"I don't believe that for a moment. You may not have known your strength but that doesn't come overnight. It was already there you just didn't know it yet" I knew she was just trying to make me feel better but it made me smile.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I knew she couldn't actually answer my question but I still needed to ask.

Raven smiled once again "the only advice I have for you is don't let it pull you down. Being out here you have to be the best you can be."

"Sounds like the army slogan." I actually laughed just a little.

"Yea when your best friends were in the service you seem to pick up on things like that." She laughed as well.

"Thank you for coming and talking to me." I told her genuinely. "So did they find anyone else or was she on her own?"

"She mentioned running into a few people a couple days ago but said she has mostly been on her own." She responded.

"So we headed to see if we can find these people?"

Raven nodded "yea their heading back this way. I just wanted to get here first. I thought you might need someone to talk to."

"I really appreciate it." I told her honestly "can I ask a favor?"

"Anything."

"Do you mind if I sit up front?" I really didn't want to be stuck in the back with Murphy and Emori.

"Of course and maybe spending more time with a certain someone might help you get over the one that doesn't deserve you." She winked at me.

I felt my face flush. "I wouldn't say he doesn't deserve me, we just need sometime apart."

"Just enough for someone else to get in." She stood back up and got out of the van just in time for the others to start walking back.

I followed her lead and also got out of the van, she held the front door open for me while I climbed into the passenger seat. I couldn't help but glance over at Murphy who was staring at me. Raven stood at the side door escorting the others back in the van and I couldn't help but smile when she positioned herself between Murphy and Emori.

When Bellamy got in the driver's seat I looked over at him and asked "so where we headed?"

"Actually it looks like we're going to be headed to where you use to live. Emori said they were heading that way, something about there being better supplies there." He said without actually looking at me.

That gave me an idea. "Actually if we're going to be in the neighborhood, we should stop by my house. If no one has ransacked it yet we might actually have some useful stuff there. And it's fenced so we may be able to get a good night's rest there as well."

He nodded but never actually gave me a define answer.

The closer we got to my neighborhood the more familiar everything started looking. Even though so much was destroyed it still looked like home. We drove around for a while but once it started getting dark Bellamy finally looked at me and asked "where's your house?"

I gave him directions and I knew the moment we pulled up everyone was going to see just how much money we truly had. It had always only ever been my parents and myself and I never understood why we needed such a large house but my mom always told me, that if you have it no reason not to get the best. When we pulled up I jumped out of the van, manually opening the front gate. Once they were through I closed it back behind it.

Raven was the first to speak up when everyone was out of the van "this is really where you used to live?"

"Yep. The wonderful life of Clarke Griffin." I said with a light laugh.

"Must be nice to come from money." I heard come from the voice that I had only heard one time before and that was screaming my boyfriend's name.

I turned and looked straight at Emori "yea my life was splendid."

I went to the front door and it was locked, not really sure why it surprised me.

"You want me to climb up to your bedroom and come down and unlock it from the inside?" I heard Murphy ask from behind me.

"Whatever you want to do." I didn't bother turning around.

If anyone could get it done it was him though, he had snuck in through my window so many different times. I saw him out of the corner of my eye going around to the side of the house.

"You don't have to be so hard on him." Bellamy whispered beside me.

I turned and looked at him "seriously? You're taking his side on this?"

"I didn't say that, but he is hurting." He told me.

"Good." I said as soon as Murphy opened the door.

I pushed past him and looked around my house in amazement that it didn't look like it had been touched. I walked straight to the kitchen going through the cupboards and smiled when I found what I was looking for. I had never once taken a drink of any kind of alcoholic drink but I felt like I needed it. I pulled a glass out and filled it to the rim.

When I took the first drink I had to admit that it wasn't completely disgusting. I guess my mom's taste in wine wasn't horrible. I had finished the first glass when Raven walked in.

"What are you doing?" She asked curiously.

I grabbed another glass "want some?"

She smiled "hell yea."

I poured another glass for myself and then one for her.

I watched as she took the first drink "damn that's some good shit."

I couldn't help but laugh 'that's exactly what I thought. But it's not like I had anything to compare it to."

She sat the glass down and stared at me "please tell me this isn't the first time you've had any alcohol."

"I can't tell you that. Lying is bad." I said with a giggle.

She smacked herself in the head "you're going to be so wasted."

"That I may be." I couldn't quiet giggling no matter how much I tried.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I woke up from the light rushing through my windows. I rubbed my eyes and groaned immediately because of how bad my head was hurting. I turned over so the light wasn't directly in my eyes and hit someone lying next to me. I couldn't help but freak out a little since I couldn't remember most of what went on the night before, it wasn't until I saw the long dark hair piling out from the top of the blanket that I relaxed.

I shook Raven and she also groaned when she started waking. "What?"

"Get up, it's already morning and I'm guessing they have plans to go out soon." I told her holding my head because it hurt so badly.

"For some reason I don't think we're going to be worth shit out there." She pulled the covers off her head and her hair was going crazy.

I couldn't help but laugh "I thought my hair was bad in the mornings."

She laughed "I think I probably have every living person beat there."

"And I think I'd have to agree."

There was a pounding on the door then Bellamy just opened without even waiting for a response or anything.

"Hey we might not have been decent in here." Raven said with a smile.

Bellamy looked back and forth between us "you two need to get your asses moving, were about ready to head out."

"Yea I'll get right on that." I said sarcastically.

He looked at me and the look was actually hurtful "I get it that your hurt but we have more important things to deal with right now than some broken heart."

I couldn't believe he just said that. I opened my mouth to say something but stopped because honestly I had no idea what I wanted to say. Finally I said "screw you." It wasn't my most thought out plan but it would have to do.

"Were leaving in 20 minutes and I expect both of you to be ready." He turned and left.

"Wow what an ass." I said as I laid back on the bed.

"He just really wants to find his sister." Raven said obviously she understood him.

"I get that but why be an ass to us?" I didn't get it.

"He's probably still mad about last night." She said as she got off the bed.

"What do you mean?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Oh Clarke you really shouldn't have drank." She looked at me sadly "you kind of came on to Bellamy."

I stopped moving "I did what?"

"You were obviously doing it to make Murphy jealous and well let's just say that neither of them appreciated it very much." Raven told me.

"Shit." Finally I stood up. "Why am I so stupid?"

"Alcohol and a broken heart isn't a good combination. It makes you do stupid shit." She chuckled.

"Well up until last night I hadn't ever had either so I guess it makes sense." I responded.

"You've never had your heartbroken before?" Raven looked at me amazed.

I gave her a small smile "Murphy was my first real boyfriend."

"Ah. Makes more sense now." She seemed to understand.

After a good five minutes of hunting for some aspirin I finally found some, I took a couple then tossed the bottle to Raven. We were ready and down with the rest of the group before the 20 minutes was even up. I couldn't help but notice that every pair of eyes were on me the moment we entered the room.

"I get it I'm a stupid drunk, it doesn't matter how much you all stare at me it won't change the facts." The words were out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying.

I was never one to put myself in front of a crowd like that but I couldn't stand everyone staring at me.

Miller cleared his throat "alright if everyone is finished judging Clarke then can we get going?"

I gave Miller a silent thank you before following everyone outside.

Since we were going to be searching the area we decided it would be best to go on foot. We didn't have an unlimited fuel source so we needed to save as much as we possibly could. We began as a big group but split into smaller ones as we walked, hoping that we could cover more time. Bellamy was stuck with both me and Raven this time.

Once we were far enough away from everyone else I grabbed ahold of Bellamy's arm and said "hey can I talk to you for a minute?"

Bellamy turned and looked at me "go on."

"Look I'm sorry about last night, I should have never involved you in that." I sighed "I was hurt and I knew he already had his suspicions about us, so I kinda wanted to throw it in his face."

He took a deep breath "I get it that you were hurting and obviously drunk off your ass but you need to make better decisions."

I nodded "I know that. I shouldn't have let everything get to me the way I did. And I especially shouldn't have drunk as much as I did when I had never had a drop of alcohol before last night."

Bellamy actually chuckled "I should have known that was your first time being drunk. I heard rumors about how much of a goody-goody you used to be."

I couldn't help but smile "you heard rumors or was you checking up on me?"

"Well since it was before I even knew who you were, it would be hard to say I was checking up on you." He smirked.

"Then how did you know the rumors were about me?" I was curious.

He let out a breath "there was a lot of talk about the doctor's daughter when you guys were first brought to the base. Let's just say you had a lot of fans."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I seem to have a big fan base until they actually get to know me and realize that I'm nothing like they think. I guess because I was popular and came from money that I was supposed to be nothing but a partier who slept my way through school. Everyone learned quickly that neither of them things applied to me. Schooling was the most important thing to me, which seems stupid now I guess but it's what made me, well me."

Bellamy actually smiled "well I don't know if it matters but I'm still a fan."

I'm glad he didn't wait around for a response because I had none. I hadn't expected him to say something like that. I hurried to catch up to him and Raven and couldn't miss the huge smile plastered on her face.

We searched until the sun started setting and when we had no luck we headed back to my house. I wasn't sure how long we were going to stay there but it seemed like for the time being at least it was going to be our home base. There was plenty of space so I honestly thought it worked well.

We were the last group to get back and I noticed right away that there was some new faces. As soon as Bellamy saw the new additions a smile crossed his face. "Good to see you guys made it."

"I honestly thought you guys forgot about us." The girl said to Bellamy.

He chuckled "you know Miller wouldn't give up until we found Bryan."

My attention went to the guy sitting next to Miller. "I guess I am pretty lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend."

"I hope you knew that way before now." Miller said jokingly.

"You know I did or I wouldn't have stuck around for so long." Bryan leaned into Miller and he put his arm around him.

"You guys are so gross." The girl that came with Bryan said laughing.

"You're just jealous because Fox isn't here." Miller retorted.

"You may be onto something there." She said with a smile.

"Well since you obviously aren't going to make introductions I'll do it myself." Raven walked into the middle of the room "I'm Raven and I take it your Bryan but I have yet to hear your name."

"A girl that takes action, I like it." The girl smiled at Raven "Monroe" She extended her hand to Raven.

"Sorry hunny but you're not my type." She smirked "I'm out here looking for my boyfriend."

This make Monroe smile once again, then she shrugged "well I guess my girl wouldn't like me flirting around with anyone other than her anyway." Then she turned to me and smiled "but we could make an exception with you."

I felt my cheeks flush "I appreciate that but I'm not currently on the market."

"Damn all the pretty girls are taken." She acted like she was hurt.

"Yea including you." I heard Bryan say.

"You do have a point there." She laughed then turned back to me and extended her hand "you probably already heard but I'm Monroe."

"Clarke." I told her as I took her hand in mine.

"Ah." She said with a nod.

I wasn't sure exactly what that meant but I didn't get a chance to ask because she turned and started talking to someone else.

Everyone sat around and talked for hours but gradually one by one we all started heading back to our rooms. I couldn't help but notice that Murphy had disappeared awhile before anyone else and Emori wasn't too far behind. I tried to not let it affect me but how could I not?

I sat in my room trying to fall asleep but had no luck so decided to start going through my old things. When I heard a knock on the door I just said "come in" without even turning around.

When I finally turned around it was the last person I expected to see standing in my room, Emori.

I tried to be as polite as I could be so I smiled and said "hey."

"Can we talk?" She looked like she was having a hard time coming out and asking.

"Sure." I told her as I stood back up.

She shut the door behind her. She took a deep breath than said "I'm sorry about before, I honestly didn't think he would have moved on already."

"So you two were together before all this happened?" I had this feeling and I needed to know if my suspicion was right.

"Yea we actually have been kind of off and on for years." She said softly then walked over and sat next to me on my bed. She laughed nervously "when he told me he was moving to this part of town I was immediately jealous but he was telling me all about this friend that he had made, how awesome they were. He told me your name but never corrected me when I called you a boy."

"So you had no idea that he had moved in with some girl?" I was curious.

She shook her head "nope and once he starting staying out here, we lost contact for a while but he finally came and found me a couple weeks before the dead started becoming not so dead anymore."

My heart hurt. "Is it ok if I ask you a personal question?"

"You can ask me anything." She seemed sincere.

"When he came and found you. Was it just friendly or did you guys go back to one of your on again times?" I needed to know if he was with her around the same time he was with me.

She shrugged her shoulders "well we didn't actually say that we were seeing each other again but I assumed because of what we did that we were."

"Well I don't know what he's told you but we were actually kind of a couple before all this went down as well." I finally told her "but we weren't actually official or anything until a couple days before but for the two months prior he was trying but I pulled away from him because I was scared and now I see I had ever right to be."

"What was you scared of? I don't know if I quite understand." She was looking at me awkwardly.

I really didn't want to share my personal life with a stranger but since she did open up to me I felt it was the least I could do. "Murphy was my first… Well everything… I mean yea I had dated a few boys when I was younger but not when I was old enough for it to actually mean anything. I was so determined to be my best and in my opinion having a guy distracting me did nothing for my future."

I hated that when I looked at Emori she looked like she was feeling sorry for me. I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me. Especially not Murphy's other girl.

"I really had no idea. I hope you don't mind me saying but I can't seem to see the two of you together." She looked like she was a little embarrassed to say it but I have heard it all too many times.

"You're not the first to say it. We are complete opposites and I honestly have no idea how we ended up the way we did but I loved him. Well I do love him and I thought he felt the same." I could feel myself getting emotional and that was obviously something I didn't want to do in front of her.

"I hope that we can keep what's in the past in the past. The way this world is now we need to stick together." I couldn't tell if she was being true but she seemed legit so I figured I would take her word and hopefully this wouldn't be as awkward as it probably would be anyway.

"I'd like that. This is going to be a long journey and we need as many people by our sides as possible." Even though I didn't like the idea of Murphy's, whatever she is, here with us I knew I would have to suck down my pride and just live with it.

"I completely agree. And you watch by the end of this we'll be best friends." I just smiled at her comment because honestly I had no idea how to respond.

We sat and talked for a little while longer before she left me alone to think. I looked around my room and remembered how happy I was the last time I had been here. I remember laying on the bed next to Murphy thinking how things could only get better from there. I never knew just a few days from then the world would take such a dark turn. But I was stupid enough to still have hope, I honestly believed as long as Murphy was by my side I'd be ok.

I grabbed the blankets from my bed, pulling comforter, sheets, pillows everything from my bed. The tears started falling but I didn't mind them. I've always heard the best way to mourn something is to cry it out, so that's what I was going to do. I needed to mourn the relationship that I had once had with Murphy because if I was being honest with myself I would never be able to look at him the same. It made me sick knowing that he had been with her. Everything that happened before we became whatever it was that we became I swept under the rug because that was before us. But for him to go back to her when he was still trying to get things to work out with us made me furious.

I looked at the pile of blankets and felt myself breakdown inside. Then looking around the room I saw little by little more and more things that either was Murphy's or reminding me of him. I went around tearing pictures off the wall and just throwing random stuff on the floor. When I finally felt like I could breathe again I looked around and saw the mess but I was too exhausted to do anything about it. I walked to my enormous walk-in closet, which I had to admit was probably as big as the room that we had on the base, and laid down on the ground. I knew I had blankets somewhere in there but I was too tired to even look, I wasn't laying there long before I was gone.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

We have now been out on our own for a little over two months. We had actually done a pretty good job at taking care of ourselves. A lot better than I had initially thought was possible but with everyone's skillset, we were actually doing alright.

I don't know when it was actually decided but my house ended up becoming all of our house and I was glad that I was able to help out in another way. We actually converted one of the rooms in the basement into a medical type room, so anyone needing checked out could do so in privacy. And of course I was now the local doctor, but it's not like I really had any competition.

In the last two months we have come across a few survivors, only inviting the ones back that we thought was trustworthy. We've learned the hard way that not everyone can be trusted. Most of our group have been reunited with their loved ones, well except for Bellamy and myself. I knew finding my dad would be a long shot anyway since he had moved prior to the whole zombie outbreak. We decided that it was better to stay locally as long as we could, so staying locally meant no finding my dad.

Bellamy was certain that his sister was somewhere around this area. He went out every day searching but every night he came back empty handed and I couldn't help but notice that it was taking a toll on him. Many of us offered to go out with him to help him look for her but he wouldn't have it, he knew we needed to get ready for winter and the only way to do that is if enough of us went out for supplies.

I always thought the fireplaces that my mom had to have throughout the house was a waste of money but now I had to admit I'm glad she put them in. They would really help out throughout the winter months, since they didn't need electricity they would the perfect heat source. A bunch of the guys decided they were going to go on a wood hunt but of course Bellamy stayed behind getting ready to once again go out and look for his sister. I didn't want to say anything but I was starting to get a feeling that either she moved on from the area or she didn't make it.

I knocked then walked into Bellamy's room. He was just slipping his jacket over his shirt. "Hey I might have not been decent."

"It's not like it's something I haven't seen before." I smirked.

He turned and looked at me "just because you've seen one doesn't mean you've seen all."

"Ah, it's all the same to me." I said playfully.

He shook his head and his curls moved back and forth, I didn't miss the smile that crossed his lips.

"So where we headed today?" I said knowing he wouldn't miss how I said we.

"We aren't going anywhere." He turned and faced me to make sure I understood it.

"Look I get it, you've been kind of a loner but I have nothing to do here today and I think maybe I could help you out there." I whined just a little.

"All you'll do is distract me." He said without hesitation.

"Well you distract to easily then." I showed a big toothy grin.

"No you just seem to get yourself in trouble out there." He told me knowingly.

"Hey that only happened once." I protested.

"Yea and you'd have been zombie food if I wouldn't have come around the corner when I did."

"You are correct but you don't have to worry about anything like that anymore. And if I'm ever stupid enough to take my eyes off my surroundings, just let me die." I turned and headed toward his door. "I'm getting my gear, if I get back here and your gone, I will go out on my own. So I suggest you just wait and let me tag along."

I didn't wait for a response I just headed out his room, down the hall to my room. Grabbed my jacket and my bag that had everything I could possibly need to defend myself in it. Then I headed back down to Bellamy's room half expecting to see him gone already but to my surprise he was standing there waiting on me. I couldn't help but smile. "Let's go."

After my little breakdown a couple months back it took me a little bit to get back to normal. If it wasn't for Raven and Wells I honestly didn't know what I would have done. They helped me get through the breakup, Murphy kept trying to get me to take him back but I knew it would never work out so to avoid the heartache once again I stood my ground. He finally seemed to understand that, I hoped one day we could get back on friendly terms but so far that day hasn't come.

I was pretty sure that Raven and Wells had gotten a lot closer than either of them intended to but neither would admit it, especially not after we found Finn, Raven's boyfriend. I noticed the distance they put between them which was what let me know I had been right all along.

"You coming?" Bellamy was halfway up the street.

"Yep sorry." I jogged to catch back up with him.

"You know if you can't handle it, you can always go back." Bellamy said almost seriously.

"Oh I can handle it and I'll never go back." I winked at him.

This made him smile "you only think you can."

"Oh no I'm pretty damn positive that I can."

We always seemed to play around like this but that's all it was, nothing had happened and I honestly had no idea if anything ever would. I knew early on that we had an attraction but neither of us thought it was a good idea to act on it.

We walked for hours and it was the same as every other time. We found nothing. No trace of anyone being around. Since we were close to the hospital, I thought maybe it would be a good idea to go and restock on the items we needed back at the house.

"This was your plan all along wasn't it? You just needed some help and you're too proud to ask so you suckered me into letting you come along so you could just casually bring it up." I couldn't help but laugh at his act to sound serious.

"You know me so well." I pushed him slightly back "So what is it Blake, will you help or send me in there all by myself?"

He chuckled "you know I'll help."

"That I do." I said right before I took off running toward the hospital.

I heard Bellamy behind me and he was catching me quickly but I kept on as fast as I could. I heard him just as he was about to pass me and I had the bright idea to step out in front of him to stop him. Not thinking that putting myself in front of him while he was running might have been a bad idea. When we collided we both hit the ground and hard, I got the worse part of it since I hit the ground directly where he fell on top of me so he only got bit of the ground.

I got the wind knocked out of me but when I was finally feeling like I could breathe normally again I opened my eyes which connected with Bellamy's immediately. He looked worried "You ok?"

I nodded.

At least I was until it hit me just how intimate the whole situation was. I was already starting to struggle to breathe when he gently brushed my hair from my face. I felt my breath hitch. I couldn't take my eyes from his. Then I did something that I knew probably wasn't the most appropriate thing, I lifted my hand and started running it through his messy curls. I don't know why but that was something that I had wanted to do for far too long.

When my name escaped his mouth I knew there was no going back. I grabbed a handful of his curls and pulled his head toward mine, he didn't fight me. Everything was moving in slow motion, his lips were right there but then we heard it, it was faint but we knew we weren't alone. Bellamy jumped up quickly pulling me up with him. What we hadn't expected was to see a group of people, not zombies, but actual people, living people, survivors.

"Bell?" I heard before I saw the person the voice belonged to.

"O" He ran all the way to her and had her in his arms within a blink of an eye.

I heard whispering coming from all the people around them. I just stood there looking like an idiot. I just hoped that this was his sister and that Bellamy didn't have some secret girlfriend as well.

The first clear thing that I could make out was when O asked "are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?"

"Oh her, She's not my girlfriend." Just the way he said hurt. I mean hell I knew I wasn't his girlfriend but he didn't have to say it like that.

I stepped forward. "I'm Clarke, Bellamy's friend. At least I hope so anyway." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm Octavia." She pulled me into a hug which surprised me I didn't take the Blake family for huggers. "Well I've never known of my brother going around kissing his friends so you must be a special one."

"Actually there was no kissing, that was the first almost and you guys kind of interrupted it." I laughed.

"I told you guys to be quiet." Octavia turned around and looked at her group. "But we could always go back into the shadows and let you finish."

I looked at Bellamy and couldn't help but notice his face was actually flushed, which was odd because I don't think I've ever saw him blush.

"You don't have to worry about that, it shouldn't have happened anyway." I turned and looked at him again "Right Bellamy."

He cleared his throat "right."

I turned back around to his sister and said barley more than a whisper "I'm too much drama for him, he couldn't deal with this."

Octavia laughed "I like this one, you should really think about keeping her around."

So I got back to seriousness "so have you been staying somewhere locally? We've actually been crashing at my old house the last couple months."

She shrugged her shoulders "we've been here and there, I guess it's been difficult to find a place to stay more than a week or so."

"Well you're all more than welcome to come back with us." I told Octavia and her group "I actually have a guesthouse behind the main house if you're not comfortable blending with the others."

Octavia just looked at me in awe "you had a guesthouse, before all this?"

I just nodded.

"Wait till you see it O, the guesthouse is probably the size of all the homes we've lived in put together." Bellamy finally got in on the conversation.

She looked back at me "so you were rich before huh? Must suck to lose all that."

I shrugged my shoulders "honestly, it doesn't bother me. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like I've gotten to know myself better. It sucks that we have to defend our lives everyday but at least it's shown me that I'm actually pretty damn strong."

I knew I was probably grinning like an idiot but no one seemed to mind.

"You actually have no idea how true her statement is. We all bet on how long she would make it out here. Let's just say I lost." After he said that he looked at me and winked.

"I would have lost to." I couldn't help but laugh.

I couldn't help but notice Octavia looking back and forth between her brother and I. She didn't say anything but I couldn't help but wonder what was going through her mind.

Finally she turned around and looked at her group and said "let me talk to them and see what they think about coming back with you."

"What do you mean you need to talk to them, why wouldn't you want to come?" I could hear it in Bellamy's voice he wasn't very happy.

I walked over to him pulling him back "Bellamy I understand she's your little sister but she has been on her own for the last 8 months and I'm guessing those people are the reason that she is still alive. I get it that you're her biological family but they're her family to."

He looked from me over to them and then nodded "I didn't think about it that way."

"I know that everything you've done was to get back to her but you need to respect her wishes, whatever they may be." I really hoped he understood.

When Octavia walked back over to us Bellamy stopped her before she started to say anything. "I'm sorry about before, I understand that the decisions you make now aren't just for yourself. In my head I still see the scared little girl that always needed her older brother."

A small smile crossed Octavia's face "it doesn't matter how old I am, I'll always need you big bro. But no worries they're actually pretty excited to have somewhere to go. They can't believe you've actually been able to stay in a single place for two solid months."

"It's because we've had a lot of help. I don't think we could have done it without everyone." I couldn't help but smile at Bellamy's remark, it's nice to hear him say nice things about our group.

"They won't mind you bringing in more people?" One of the girls with Octavia asked.

We both shook our heads. Then Bellamy said "that's what we've been doing since we got set up. To be honest we usually have a meeting and we let our group decide but because you all are Octavia's people that means you're our people as well."

If I was being honest I wasn't too fond about the way she was looking at Bellamy. I knew he wasn't mine to claim but I didn't want to watch some other girl come in and sweep him up either.

She nodded then stepped closer to the both of us but of course she approached Bellamy first "names Echo."

"You military?" Bellamy asked as he took her hand in his.

She nodded "obvious?"

"Name kind of gave it away." Even though I tried to look away I couldn't and the way he smiled at her made my heart hurt.

"I was a military brat growing up and the day I turned 18 I enlisted. Wanted to follow in my old man's footsteps." She stated proudly.

"Our dad died overseas right after O was born. I hated him for a long time for leaving us with our mom but when I finally grew up I realized he had no choice in the matter and I was being selfish for blaming him all those years." I hadn't known that about Bellamy.

"O was telling me about it and how your mom spend every last penny she got and ended up killing herself with it." She had a sad expression on her face.

Bellamy just nodded, I knew he didn't like to speak about his mom but I didn't know why until right then.

Finally after giving Bellamy one more small smile she turned and faced me, she also extended her hand to me "Clarke right?"

I tried to muster up the realest smile I could and said "yea."

"Well I want to thank you on behalf of all of us for showing us all hospitality." I really wanted to not like this girl but I was finding it hard.

"Your welcome, I wouldn't have it any other way. Like I was telling Octavia being out here has really shown me a completely different side of myself and that has to do with the people we've surrounded ourselves with. And I trust Bellamy with my life and since Octavia is his family than that makes her mine as well which extends to all of you." I told Echo and the rest honestly.

"It's nice to see that there are still some good people out there, we've ran into quite a few that haven't been so kind. I hate what this world has done to the one who have survived, it's made them vultures." Echo shook her head.

"I know exactly what you mean." I completely agreed with her.

"Ok I think we need to start making our way back, it's starting to get dark already." Bellamy broke up our conversation.

Since we wasn't able to make a round through the hospital I figured I'd come back the next day and see what I could find. I didn't want to interrupt Bellamy's reunion with his sister and honestly I would have preferred to not have so many people know about the secret area that I'm able to collect our medical supplies from.

By the time we made it back to my house, our home base it was already dark. I knew they were probably worried, no one was supposed to stay out past dark. When we reached the gates I saw a few people waiting on the lawn.

"We were starting to worry." Raven was the first to speak up.

"No need to worry." I smiled at her "but we brought reinforcements."

"Octavia is it really you?" I heard Miller's voice.

"Miller?" Octavia ran through the now open gate and was in Miller's arms. "I'm so glad you made it. What about Bryan."

Just as she was asking about him he started walking up. "You know he's stuck with me for the rest of our lives."

Octavia released Miller and ran to Bryan. I couldn't help but watch the scene with a huge smile on my face. At least everyone was able to get some sort of happiness in this messed up world. I may not have found the one person that I missed more than anything but looking around I knew I made a new family. It was nothing traditional but I wouldn't change it either.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

A week had come and gone so fast and I still hadn't even gone by the hospital yet but with the weather changing fast I knew I would need to stock up. Our priority was getting our new guests set up here before anything else. I had to admit it was getting a little cramped but it was still manageable. Having the 3 bedroom guesthouse outback had really come in hand.

The first thing I decided to do was go to Bellamy about the hospital. I knocked on his door and when he didn't answer I went looking for him. I found him talking with Octavia and her "friend" Lincoln, I gathered that he was more than a friend but for Bellamy's sake they were keeping in quiet for now.

"Hey just curious if you think we might have some time to run by the hospital? I figured with this weather turning cold quickly were going to have a lot of people getting sick so the supplies will be crucial." Even though he already knew the reasoning's I figured I would remind him.

"Back to the hospital huh?" Octavia looked back and forth between us "I'm starting to think you two lied to me."

We both looked at her confused finally I said "what?"

"Is going to the hospital some kind of code word for going and hooking up?" She asked and very seriously.

"Why would you ask that?" I asked in a high-pitched voice.

"You seriously have to ask that?" Octavia looked at me like she couldn't believe I had asked that "oh come on you know if we couldn't have come up on you two when we did you would have probably done it right there on the ground."

My mouth dropped.

"We… We weren't…" Bellamy tried to say but Octavia interrupted him.

"It's ok big bro, were all adults here, I don't think anyone would mind if you and the hot blonde are doing it." Octavia had no idea just how wrong she was.

I looked up just to see Murphy glaring at me. I knew I didn't owe him anything but I needed him to know that nothing had happened. Murphy turned and left and I chased after him.

I heard Octavia say in the distance "ok maybe that guy might."

"Murphy stop." I yelled when I finally reached him.

"Why should I?" He did actually stop and turned and looked at me.

"I know I don't owe you anything but what she was saying it's not true. I just need you to know that." I said in a rush not knowing how long he would actually stand around and listen.

"You know what Clarke I don't care. If you want to go and sleep with every guy in this house, go for it. You're not my problem anymore." He said harshly.

"You know I wouldn't…" He didn't let me finish.

"Actually I feel like I don't know you anymore, you're not the same girl I fell in love with." That hurt.

"You did this Murphy, not me. I will not let you try to make this like it's my fault. You're the one who was telling me you were falling for me but going and screwing your girlfriend that I had no idea existed." I screamed at him. "And you know what if I wanted to screw Bellamy I would do just that and there wouldn't be anything you could do about it, but that's not me. But you are right about one thing I have changed, I've grown and I've learned that you should always rely on yourself before anyone else because sometimes things happen and people disappoint you but you need to be able to pick yourself back up and keep going. No matter how hard it is."

Murphy just stared at me. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"It's alright, I've learned to get past it. Does it still hurt? From time to time yea it does but I'm working on it." I told him honestly.

"Do you think we could ever try again?" His question threw me, I hadn't expected him to ask something like that.

"Aren't you and Emori?" I really didn't want to ask but I couldn't help myself.

He shook his head "the kiss that you saw was the last thing that's happened between us. She knows I still love you."

I thought about how easy it would be to fall right back in that place, where I was before. But I realized right then that I may still love Murphy but I was no longer in love with him. He hurt me to bad. "I'm sorry but the only future we have is friends. You'll have to take it or leave it."

He looked hurt and I hated that I caused that but I couldn't lie to him. He took a deep breath than said "I understand. I'd be stupid to not take at least being friends with you that is where we started from."

Out of habit I hugged him, it didn't register what I was doing until after the fact but it didn't seem to make things awkward. It was just a quick friendly interaction. That was the first time in two months that I could actually see a future without us hating each other.

When I went back where I left Bellamy and Octavia he was no longer there. But Octavia stopped me and asked if we could talk for a minute. "I just wanted to say sorry about that. I didn't know about the whole Murphy thing."

"It's no problem, that's been over for some time now." I told her.

"It didn't look over." She responded a little harshly.

"Well it is, I just don't feel exes have to hate each other." I defended myself.

"I didn't mean it to sound like that, it's just I don't want to see my brother hurt."

Now I was confused "why would your brother be hurt?"

She shook her head "even if you don't want to admit it there is something between you two. He acts differently around you."

"What do you mean?" I was curious.

"He cares about you. He hasn't actually told me but I'm his sister and there are just somethings that we know." She was confident.

"He seems to like someone else to." I don't know what it was about the situation but I felt like I could talk to her.

She laughed "You talking about Echo?"

I just nodded.

"You don't have anything to worry about there." Octavia informed me. "But it's good to know you noticed. It tells me that I wasn't wrong."

"I'm still hurting and it wouldn't be fair to Bellamy to try something when I'm not completely ready." This was the first time I admitted out loud that I had feelings for him.

"One day though and I better be the first one you two tell." She ordered.

I smiled at her "you and Raven will be the first to know. She'd kick my ass if she knew I just admitted to you that I have thought about him like that, she's been trying to get me to admit it forever now but I wouldn't."

"Baby steps. Just take baby steps." She smiled then got all serious "but if you hurt him I'll be forced to kick your ass."

"I wouldn't dream of ever hurting him. It's why I haven't acted on my feelings." Now that I finally spoke about my feelings I couldn't seem to shut up.

Octavia's arms were around me pulling me into a hug. "Welcome to the family."

"Your speaking a little soon aren't you?" I questioned.

"You two may need time but I don't." She laughed then released me.

After talking to Octavia I went to look for Bellamy, out of habit I knocked on his door and just opened it again. But this time I was welcomed by a surprise that I don't think I was ready to see yet, Bellamy was in the middle of changing and he stood there in just a pair of jeans.

"I uh… Uh… I" I tried but failed miserably to get anything out so I tried again and the only word I got out was "hospital."

Bellamy looked up and smirked when he saw my reaction. "You alright there?"

I just nodded knowing my face had to be bright red finally I said "sorry."

"It's alright, I don't mind seeing you struggle for words."

As much as I tried not to look at his chest I couldn't help it. I had only noticed one guy before with his shirt off and he looked nothing like the man standing in front of me. To say that Bellamy was muscular was an understatement, I had never saw anything sooo… Oh what's the word? So beautiful.

"You like what you see?" He asked in a joking tone.

"Maybe." I said as I finally met his eyes then I smiled.

His expression was priceless, he hadn't expected me to be so forward and I could tell he was trying to decipher if I was being serious.

We just stood there staring at each other for what seemed like forever. I honestly didn't know if it was incredibly sexy or just weird as hell.

Finally I cleared my throat "you uh about ready to head to the hospital?"

Finally I saw his signature smirk return to his face "yea as soon as I get this peeking tom outta my room."

"Hey I wasn't peeking, I was being very obvious about what I was doing and you weren't complaining." I told him confidently.

"Yea I don't mind a hot blonde checking me out." He chuckled.

"Good cause I wouldn't stop, even if you asked." I winked at him before walking to his door, I looked back at him before making my way out the door "I'm going to grab my gear, meet you back here in 5?"

"Yup."

I walked as quickly as I could back to my room closing the door behind me. I let out a silent scream. I can't believe I had just stared at him like that, what's wrong with me?

I hadn't even realized Raven was in the room until she cleared her throat.

"Sorry didn't know you were in here." I told her as I walked to my bed and sat.

"You looked like you were lost in thought." She observed.

"I think I just made a fool out of myself." I wouldn't lie to her.

"What'd you do now?" She asked with a laugh.

"Oh you know the usual, just pretty much got caught staring at Bellamy like he was a piece of meat." I shrugged my shoulders.

Raven busted out laughing. "So who caught you?"

I looked at her with sad eyes "him."

She jumped up excited "you have it so bad."

"I think I do." I said softly.

Raven's eyes got huge "did you?" she paused "did you really just admit that you have feelings for Bellamy Blake?"

"Ah!" I screamed into my hands "it's too soon Rave."

"You and Murphy have been over for more than 2 months. I think your way past that ready stage." Raven looked at me telling me the same thing she's told me time and time again.

"I get that we've been over for some time now but it doesn't seem to matter." I looked her straight in the eyes "I try each and every day to just put everything behind me but I cant. I still love Murphy. I'm afraid that it won't matter how much time passes, I'll never be fully over him."

"Clarke I get it, he is the first and the only boy you've ever loved." She put her arm around me "you need to decide if you want to go back to him or not. If so you need to make sure you're not leading anyone else on, I see the way you are around Bellamy. There is major chemistry there and not just from your end. I haven't known him a long time but I've gotten to know him well enough to know he don't just let anyone in and obviously he's let you in. If you want to eventually work things out with Murphy you need to stop messing with Bellamy's heart."

"But I'm not…" I sighed "At least I'm not trying to. I'm so confused Raven. I have no idea what to do."

"All I can say is don't wait too long to make your decision. The longer you wait the more invested they both become." I knew I really needed to think about what Raven was saying.

I really thought I couldn't trust Murphy again after learning about what he did but am I really willing to throw away everything because of it?

I heard a light knock on the door and it opened the rest of the way, Bellamy stood there "you ready?"

"Sorry got distracted with girl talk." I put on a forced smile.

"Figured as much. We need to get going." He seemed impatient.

I grabbed my bag off my bed then said "let's get this show on the road."

I followed him down the hallway, down the stairs and we was almost to the door when I heard Echo say "hey you guys going out on a run?"

Bellamy turned around and looked at her "yea gotta get some supplies, you wanna come with?"

I turned and looked at him, I couldn't believe he had just invited Echo.

A huge smile crossed her face "yea let me grab my stuff, give me just a minute."

I thought about keeping my mouth closed but before I knew it the words were coming out "really you're just going to invite others?"

He wouldn't look at me "why does it matter? You want to see if Murphy is free, we can wait on him to."

"Why would you say that?" I didn't know what was going on with him but I wasn't liking it very much.

"It doesn't matter." He said before Echo came running back up. "Let's go."

The entire time we walked I couldn't help but feel like the third wheel, they were in front of me walking side by side talking while I walked behind trying to figure out what had happened in the last 20 minutes. Bellamy almost seemed like he was mad at me.

I couldn't help but feel relieved once we made it to the hospital. I wasn't going to go out of my way to figure out what the problem was, if he had something to say to me than I expected him to be an adult about it and come out and say it.

There was a few of the undead that we had to kill before we made it inside, it wasn't nothing to major. We have been inside the hospital numerous times and even though each time we've been here we kill as many as we can find there is always more. I don't know where they come from but I always expect to find at least a couple and this time was no different. The moment we opened the doors two came right at us but because they were so slow they didn't have a chance.

I'm not trying to brag or anything but I think I've become pretty damn good at killing these already dead things. It's still hard to think I was the person I was when we first got here.

I knew I was acting childish but since Bellamy was acting the way he was I decided to do the same. Once we cleared out what we needed to in the main entrance I just continued without even checking on them. I knew exactly where I needed to go and I didn't need them to get there.

I was almost there when I ran straight into a pack or herd, whatever you call a bunch of zombies together. I was doing the one thing I knew you were never supposed to do, I was walking by myself distracted. I was so worried about what was going on with Bellamy that I wasn't paying attention until it was too late. I knew I was in trouble, this was too many for one person and I had no idea where the other two were.

I attempted to turn and run back the way I came but one was closer than I thought and it came at me pulling me down with it. I kicked my feet and was able to kick it far enough back that I got out of its reach but the others were now right on me. I scrambled backwards trying my hardest to get back to my feet but was unsuccessful. I cried out. I felt myself giving up.

I should have never left without making sure they were right behind me. All that kept going through my head was I was going to die because I let Bellamy get to me. I let my feelings for him get to me. It may have been too late but I realized right then the reason I let him get to me so much was because I really cared for him, more than I had originally thought. I knew I would always feel something for Murphy because he was my first love but just because I still felt something doesn't mean I'm not ready to move on.

"Clarke." I heard Bellamy shouting from behind me.

I don't know how they did it but they made it to me just in time. The moment they made it to my side I jumped up and helped. I felt like such a failure. There's no way I'll ever be able to act like I hadn't just given up.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I felt Bellamy and Echo's eyes on me but I wouldn't look at either of them. As soon as we finished off the last of the zombies that attacked me I went into the nearest room and just sat there. I didn't want to talk to either of them, I didn't want to explain what happened. After sitting there for about 5 minutes I stood up and headed toward the door, I wanted to get this over with.

As I was walking past Bellamy he grabbed ahold of my arm "where are you going?"

I turned and finally looked at him "to get the stuff we came here to get."

I attempted to take my arm from him but he held on to it. He looked at Echo and said "will you give us a minute?"

She sounded surprised "uh. Yea. I guess I'll just go out here and wait."

Once Echo closed the door behind her Bellamy released my arm but he didn't take his eyes off me.

We stood there in a very awkward silence until he finally spoke up "what the hell was that Clarke?"

"What do you mean? I made a mistake, I wasn't paying attention and I almost paid with my life for it." I told him.

"It didn't look like a mistake. It looked like you gave up." He said with so much emotion in his voice.

I took a deep breath than let it out slowly. I met his eyes again. "I didn't want to give up but I didn't think I had a chance, there was so many. I didn't know what to do."

"Promise me something Clarke." His voice was so low.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"Promise me you won't ever do anything like that again." I saw him swallow "I don't know if you and Murphy are trying to work things out or what but you can't come out here distracted. It'll get you killed."

His statement confused me "why would you think I'm trying to work things out with Murphy?"

It took him a minute to respond but when he finally did it was with a shaky voice "I overheard you talking to Raven."

Now I was even more confused "if you heard us talking then why would you think I wanted to get back with Murphy?"

"Because you were talking about how much you still loved him." Now it was his turn to look confused.

"I only mentioned that I still loved him because she thinks I'm ready to move on." I sighed "but I don't know if I am ready because I don't know if I will ever be able to truly get over him."

Bellamy's expression completely changed. "Oh you two weren't talking about you getting back together?" Finally he got it. "Do you want to move on?"

"When I'm ready. But it wouldn't be fair to you if I'm still hung up on Murphy." I had started getting a little nervous.

"Fair to me huh?" He said with a smile.

I hadn't even realized that I said that. "Uh… I meant fair to anyone I might want to move on with."

I could feel the heat creeping up on my cheeks.

He gently took my hands in his. "I hope you meant me."

I could feel my heart beating a million miles a minute. This was the first time Bellamy had ever openly admitted that he had feelings for me. Yea we had our back and forths when we first met and we had our almost kiss a week ago but neither of us had ever told the other that we cared for them.

"I might have." I said after finally getting the courage. "But Bellamy it's not right to ask you to wait until I'm ready, I have no idea when that might be."

"I'm alright with waiting. Just promise me that if you realize that this isn't what you want, be honest about it." I could tell that this was just as hard for him as it was me.

"I'd never intentionally hurt you." I hesitated before continuing "it scares me."

He looked at me confused "what does?"

"How easily I developed feelings for you." I took a deep breath. "There was never anyone except Murphy and I'm not sure how to move on from that."

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The next two weeks went by quickly and the cold was moving in fast. We have been busy the last two weeks making sure we would be able to survive the winter without having to go out much. Somehow through all the busyness Bellamy and I have grown even closer. It seemed that it didn't matter what either of us were doing we gravitated toward each other. I knew I wasn't exactly ready to start anything with him but I knew I wanted to. I knew I was finally ready to move on from Murphy.

The hallway seemed extra quiet which was strange for how many people were currently living in my house. Maybe everyone knew what I was about to do. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door. The moment the door opened and I saw Murphy standing there I almost lost my nerve.

Before I backed out of it I said quickly "can we talk?"

The look he gave me made it hard for me to walk past him into his room. He knew.

Murphy shut the door then turned and looked at me but didn't say a word.

"I didn't think this was going to be this hard." I said with a trembling voice.

"So what you thought it would be easy to break my heart?" He was obviously pissed already.

"That's not what I meant." I shook my head "Murphy we've been done for a while now and I think I'm finally ready to move on. I know this isn't something you want to hear but I wanted you to hear it from me."

"Clarke you moved on a long time ago. Whether you want to admit it or not. The moment you met Bellamy Blake we were done." Murphy said coldly.

"That's not true." I got defensive because I knew it took me a long time to get over Murphy.

"I don't know if you've been lying to yourself but if you honestly think that's not true then you must be delusional." He had so much hate in his voice.

"You know what Murphy. I came here out of respect but I think I made a mistake." I hated that I let him get to me but I knew I would eventually regret the next words that came out of my mouth. "None of this was my fault. It was yours. You made the decision for us to come out here to find your other girlfriend. I guess I was just the stupid one that followed you."

"She wasn't my…"

I didn't give him a chance to finish his sentence "I don't give a damn what she officially was and wasn't to you. The only thing that matters is that while you were staying with me, getting closer to me you were still seeing her. I know it means something completely different to you than it does me but that doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is that this is done. I tried to do the adult thing here but if you want to act like a child then we can do that as well."

He opened his mouth to say something else but I just turned around and walked out of the room. I heard him say my name a few times but I was to mad to respond. My plan was to go back to my room but that's not where I ended up, before I knew it I was standing in front of Bellamy's door. I let out a light laugh, just thinking about him put a smile on my face.

I knocked not really knowing what I was going to say but the moment I saw his smiling face the words flew out of my mouth. "I don't mean to disrupt you but after the morning I've had I really needed to see a friendly face."

"Hmm…" He said smugly. "And out of all the friendly faces you decided mine was the one you wanted to see?"

"Yep that sounds about right." I said as I just walked into his room not waiting any longer for an invitation.

"Yea sure. Come on in." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Well I knew you wouldn't turn me away." I told him as I sat on his bed.

"You know me so well." He chuckled. "So what's made your morning so horrible Princess?"

I opened my mouth wanting to tell him exactly what happened but after really thinking it through I decided it was better not to bring him into that. He had already been thrown in the middle of me and Murphy's relationship and it wasn't fair to him.

"None of that concerns you." I finally said "All you need to worry your pretty little head about is that I'm pretty sure that it won't happen again. I'm pretty sure that I've finally gotten things exactly how I want them."

"Is that so?" The look he gave me right then made my heart jump.

"Well almost." I met his eyes. "There's just one more thing. I'm working on that though."

Our eyes didn't leave each other's. He obviously knew I was referring to him. He slowly crossed the room making his way to me, my hand trembled the moment he took it into his. I didn't have much history with romantic situations but I knew this was one of them and I was about to ruin it. I knew it was coming, I knew he was going to kiss me. Even though I had been waiting for this moment for far too long I turned just as he reached me.

His lips gently touched my cheek and all I could get out was an "I'm sorry."

"Don't." He let out a breath. "You have nothing to apologize for."

I laid my head on his shoulder "you have no idea how much I want to just forget about everything and get lost in what this has the possibility to be but I want to take this slow. I don't want to mess this up before it even starts."

He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. We sat there like that for who knows how long, we didn't say another word to each other but we didn't need to. There was something really special about the relationship that we were building. It wasn't like anything I've ever experienced before.

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Everyone was running around crazy getting set for our last run before winter really hit. The air had already turned down right cold and I knew exactly what the winters could be like here. I knew if we wanted to keep all of us alive then we needed to thoroughly prepare for the upcoming weather change.

I was hoping the medical supplies that we were able to acquire would be enough. It's not that I didn't trust everyone that was currently staying with us but I felt it only made sense to stash some of the medical stuff elsewhere. In my mind it was better to not let people have the option to steal it. The only two people who knew where the rest was hidden was me and Bellamy. He agreed with me.

I was in my room finishing getting ready when my door opened. I saw Bellamy's smiling face the moment I turned around.

"You know I might not have been decent." I couldn't help but make the same remark he had awhile back.

"Well I guess I would have gotten myself a show then." He flashed that damn smile that I couldn't get enough of.

"You know we could always just turn the clock back like 5 mins and try again." I was feeling really flirty.

"Oh is that so?" He finally moved into my room shutting the door behind him.

I could feel my heart attempting to pound out of my chest. "But you know that time traveling thing kind of doesn't work. So I guess we'll just have to wait until next time."

"Next time huh? You going to give me a heads up?" He asked as he made his way to me.

"Or maybe the next time you'll be with me." I couldn't believe the words that just left my mouth.

"You're killing me here." He reached out and ran his fingers down my arms. Even through the two layers of clothes I had on I felt the electricity cursing through my body from his touch.

The biggest mistake I did right then was look up, the moment my eyes connected with his I knew this was it. This was the moment that I knew would happen, I wasn't sure if I was completely ready but I didn't have that choice anymore. When he leaned down, I didn't back away, I didn't move from him. My heart felt like it was pounding a million times per minute but when his lips finally pressed against mine I knew that the timing was right. I knew in that moment that I couldn't picture myself anywhere but where I was right then. I never expected it would take a zombie apocalypse to find my soulmate.

The whole soulmate thing was never my thing, it was Eliza's. She was the one who always believed that everyone had one soulmate and only one. She went on and on about how she knew Murphy wasn't mine and I was wasting time on him. I don't know what it was about Bellamy but there was something, I felt it the very first moment I met him, actually inside Eliza's house.

The kiss was nothing like I had ever experienced before. It seemed to last forever. I would have been alright with it never ending.

"Hey you about ready?" Raven's voice sounded from the doorway then complete silence followed by a very high pitched squeal.

Raven's interruption was enough to make us finally separate. Even though I knew we had an audience standing in the doorway my eyes didn't leave his once we parted.

We heard another throat clear "it's not that I don't like watching my brother make out with the girl he's been crushing on for far too long but we have to get going. We're already late."

Finally we turned and saw that it wasn't only Raven and Octavia standing in the doorway but also about 5 other of our friends. Great far too many people saw our intimate moment than I would have liked.

"Alright let's get going. Why's everyone standing around staring at a couple people kissing instead of getting everyone rounded up?" Bellamy finally took charge.

"Everyone's ready. We're all waiting on you two." Raven said with a big grin.

I grabbed my coat and bag off the bed and headed toward the open door. "Let's go then."

I had Raven on one side and Octavia on the other the moment I made my way to the door. Each looped their arms around mine.

"So you and my brother huh?" Octavia said as we walked down the stairs. I could tell that she was grinning. "My warning still stands you hurt him and I'll kick your ass."

The moment we reached the bottom of the stairs I stopped abruptly. Turning to look straight at Octavia, I needed to make sure she knew how true my next response was. "I would never hurt him."

Octavia's face slowly transformed from serious to a smile "if I didn't know any better, I'd think you're falling for my brother."

I knew it was too soon to love him but she was right. I have been slowly falling for Bellamy Blake since the moment I met him at the military base. I tried and tried to keep burying those feelings especially in the beginning because I did love Murphy.

I realized something right then, Murphy had been right. The moment I met Bellamy my relationship with him had been over. I hadn't wanted to admit it before but now that I was finally able to see the whole picture I knew I would have forgiven Murphy if somewhere deep down Bellamy hadn't already claimed a spot where he should have never been able to.

Just as we reached the door I turned and saw Bellamy at the back of the pack. I couldn't help but smile when I saw he was already looking at me. I had no way of knowing what the future would or even could hold for us but I was willing to see.

 _So it took awhile to get to this point but finally the first Bellarke kiss._

 _I wonder with each season of The 100 if we will ever actually get to witness this on the show. I guess it's a waiting game lol_


	11. Chapter 10

_Thank you whirlinground for your review, I have realized that sometimes my speech is a little weird lol... I try to read and reread and fix things when I see them. I'm going to go through these chapters before posting and see about fixing if need be._

 _So there is a death in this chapter. I just wanted to give a heads up. I'm not gonna say who it is but just wanted to make everyone aware of it._

 **Chapter 10**

As we walked around the city that we currently resided in I couldn't help but not notice any of it. My attention stayed on Bellamy. I felt like some teenage girl who has her first real crush.

I felt an arm around my shoulder "So what's this mean? You two finally an item?"

I looked over at a grinning Raven. "Honestly I don't know."

"Well I know friends don't kiss like that. So you can't use that excuse anymore."

I let out a breath "I'm not denying there's something between us. It's just nothing official yet."

I couldn't help but glance back his way again but his eyes were fixed on the path in front of us. That's the thing I've learned about Bellamy once he's on the outside he goes straight into the military/leader role. He wants to make sure that everyone that goes out comes back in one piece.

Once we got a little further into town we split off into smaller groups so we could cover more ground. I wasn't surprised when me, Raven and Octavia were both told to stay with Bellamy but what did surprise me was that Murphy and Emori was also told to stay with our group. I wasn't sure what the reasoning behind it was but I didn't understand it. Without even thinking about it I approached Bellamy and asked him if we could talk for a minute.

"Look I'm not trying to double guess your choices here. But do you think it's the right thing to have Murphy and Emori with us?" I just blurted it out.

"Why wouldn't it be?" He seriously didn't see the issue.

"I just think it would be better not to spend much time around him." I told him honestly.

"Well if you're seriously over him it shouldn't be a problem." He said without hesitation.

I just stared at him for a moment before saying "I'll always care for him and nothing can change that. I don't think it's right to rub it in his face that I've moved on. And that's what this feels like to me, like your trying to rub it in his face that you have me now."

Now it was Bellamy's time to be quiet. "Do you really think I would do that?"

I sighed "Not intentionally."

He took a step toward me taking my hands in his at the same time. "That wasn't my intention. I actually really like Murphy and I trust him more than I trust about anyone else. I know things aren't exactly in a good place right now but I hope in time, he'll forgive me."

I couldn't help but smile, it was because of things like this that made me fall for him in the first place. I took a step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head on his chest. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you."

"You talk like were actually a couple or something." I heard Bellamy say in a joking tone above my head.

"I kind of think we may be. At least the most you can be in this kind of world." I said into his chest.

"I'm alright with that." He said and then I gently felt his lips on the top of my head.

Automatically I looked up and the moment our eyes met he brought his lips down to mine. This kiss didn't last nearly as long as the first but it still felt magical. When we finally separated I felt giddy and I knew I was smiling ear to ear but I didn't care. We walked back to the rest of our group and even though I tried to make it look like I wasn't beyond happy inside I was failing miserably. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

The moment we reached the rest of the group Bellamy started ordering everyone to follow him. I don't know how he composed himself so well but I would need some major pointers.

I felt both Raven and Octavia loop their arms around mine again. Octavia was the first to say something "why do you look like you just got lucky."

Raven started cracking up.

"We were just talking." I tried to say but I knew right away that my expression showed too much. "Ok…Ok… We may have also kissed again. But just once."

"That must've been a hell of a kiss." Raven responded.

"It actually kind of was. Both times." I knew my face was bright red, I usually didn't share intimate things about my private life.

"Not that I don't love this girl talk but you are talking about my brother." Octavia acted grossed out but I could tell it wasn't really bothering her.

"Could we please have everyone quiet? We're trying to not attract the dead." I heard Bellamy's very businesslike voice boom over everyone.

"Sorry Bell I just can't get enough about how good of a kisser you are." Octavia said very loudly. I attempted to elbow her but since our arms were still linked it made it hard.

"Really O." I whispered.

No one really talked much the next few hours, we just went and did a sweep of each place that we came across. Most had already been gone through but figured we'd do one more sweep to make sure nothing was missed.

We were just about to the next building when I felt someone's hands on the back of my arms. I turned around half expecting either Raven or Octavia but I was completely wrong. It was Murphy. And he looked like hell. It made me feel bad that I hadn't realized that until that moment.

He pulled me back as the rest of the group went into the building. "Can we talk?"

I nodded "Sure."

"Look I know I've been an ass but do you think I really deserve to have your new relationship rubbed in my face?" He didn't sound hateful but he was very accusing.

"I'm not doing anything intentionally. I'm sorry if you heard about earlier that wasn't meant to get back to you. Honestly that wasn't meant for anyone but the two of us." I felt like it was my job to make him understand.

"So you're really doing it then? You're really moving on and to him." His stance completely changed.

"I already told you I was ready to move on Murphy. It's why I came to you first, so you wouldn't be blindsided." I really didn't want to be arguing with him.

"It's too soon." He grabbed ahold of my hands. "I know we had some problems but I know you still have to love me."

"Murphy we've been over for months. There's no going back. There's only moving forward." I didn't try to remove my hands from his but I felt his grip lessen then finally he just let his hands fall to his sides.

"I can't stay here. I can't watch the two of you fall in love and act like I'm happy for you." He sounded so depressed that it actually worried me.

"What do you mean? Where would you go?" I started panicking a little.

"It doesn't matter, any place would be better than this." He took a deep breath then turned around and started walking the opposite way.

"Where are you going?" I shouted out to him but he ignored my question and kept walking.

"Murphy… Murphy…" He had just reached one of the building across the street was obviously about to disappear behind it but he turned around to look at me. "Please don't go. You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do. I'm not needed here anymore and honestly I don't want to be." Just as he said the last word I thought I saw movement behind him.

I kept looking to see if I was imaging it when I finally saw there was something there I screamed "turn around."

But he didn't he just stood there staring at me, I immediately started running toward him screaming his name and telling him to turn around but he never budged. He kept him eyes on me the entire time and I watch as the zombie finally reached him and everything went in slow motion after that. I saw the shock in his eyes when the zombie bit down on his neck he tried to move forward which just did more damage. By the time I reached them I was blinded by the tears that had started falling but I still had my knife out and the moment I reached them I had the knife through the skull and I fell to the ground right next to Murphy. He had blood pouring out of his neck, I didn't care though I gently put his head in my lap and started rubbing his cheek.

"You can't leave me" I was crying hysterically. "Do you hear me? I can't do this without you."

"I'm sorry." He barely got out.

"Shh don't say anything. Just breathe." I could see the life slowly slipping from his eyes.

"I…" He started coughing up blood "I love you Clarke."

"I love you too." Just as the last words left my mouth I knew it was too late, I knew he was gone.

I couldn't move I just sat there staring into his lifeless eyes.

"Clarke. You need to move. Get up." I could hear the shouts but I couldn't move. How could I? How could I leave him?

Just as the undead Murphy started to wake up I felt someone grab ahold me, pulling me away. I didn't fight it. I couldn't. I didn't have the energy to. My eyes never left Murphy. I watched as someone, I wasn't sure who stuck a knife through his head. I knew I shouldn't have watched but I couldn't look away.

I saw Emori run by us toward Murphy's now lifeless corpse. After she knelt down next to him her eyes met mine. "This is your fault."

I didn't respond. I couldn't. I knew her words were the truth.

I felt the hands loosen around my arms so I shook them off the rest of the way.

I heard Bellamy calling my name but I couldn't talk to him, not right now. I walked away from Bellamy, away from everyone. I hoped I was walking the right way, the tears were blinding me but I couldn't stay. I needed to be moving so my mind wouldn't have time to sit.

It wasn't until I hit the ground that I realized someone had been following me. I looked up to see Emori hoovering over me. She looked pissed and I couldn't blame her. I just laid there as she hit me time and time again. I welcomed the pain. I didn't even attempt to fight her back. I didn't have the energy.

Even though Emori was beating the shit out of me, she didn't have my attention it was the girl who was running up behind her. Raven, my savior. When she reached us she was not gentle with Emori she grabbed her by the back of her hair and yanked her off of me. I heard a scream escape her mouth.

"I understand that you're hurting but this is unacceptable." Raven screamed at Emori.

Emori now laid on the ground staring at Raven with the same hate she was just looking at me with a few moments before. She attempted to go after Raven but that didn't work in her favor. Raven was a lot faster and she wasn't going to just sit there and do nothing like I had. One punch directly to the face and Emori was down.

Raven turned back to me and knelt by my side. I had no idea how I looked but just by Raven's expression I had a feeling it wasn't very good.

"You alright?" She asked barley more than a whisper.

I very slowly shook my head. The pain was excruciating.

I heard Bellamy's voice before I saw him "what the hell happened here?"

Raven turned back and looked up at him "Emori attacked her."

I saw him turn and look down at Emori. "You're not welcome in this group anymore. We don't attack our own."

I saw her expression change quickly. "What do you mean?"

"You won't be coming back with us." Bellamy stated.

"It's ok." I was barely able to get out. "She let her emotions get the best of her. I don't blame her."

"I don't trust her." Bellamy got defensive.

"I deserved this and more. Don't you see that? He's dead and it's my fault." I told him and anyone else that would listen as I tried to stand back up, Raven was right there helping me to my feet.

"Clarke this isn't your fault." I knew I could never get him to see it my way and I would never see it his so I didn't argue with him I just turned around and had Raven help me walk back to the house.

Once we got back to the house Raven helped me to the bathroom and without even asking her she helped get me cleaned up. When I finally looked in a mirror I saw just how bad I looked. Looking at my nose I was almost sure it was broken, my top lip was really bad swollen and it looked like I would also have two black eyes. Emori got me good. After cleaning my face I knew for sure that my nose was in fact broken I knew I had to set it. Raven just stared at me as I set it back in place.

"Didn't that hurt?" She asked noticing I didn't even flinch from the pain.

I just shook my head. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." She said with having to think for even a second.

"Will you make sure Bellamy doesn't kick Emori out? I know we have the rule about not attacking our own but I think we should pardon her for this." I already had Murphy's death on my conscience. I couldn't have another.

"Clarke people are going to die, it's going to happen. So you're saying as long as you blame someone for the death than you can beat the shit out of them." Raven obviously wasn't happy about this.

"But Raven this was my fault. Why can't anyone see that?" I said louder than I meant to "If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have wanted to leave. Hell if I would have just stayed with him, he wouldn't be dead"

Raven shook her head "well you couldn't have just stayed with him to please him. That wouldn't have been fair to either of you."

"But he would still be alive." I stated.

"How do you know that?" This time it was Raven who got loud. "You have absolutely no way of knowing that."

"I don't want to argue Raven." I said as I climbed into bed. "Will you just please do it? Even if you don't agree with it."

Raven looked at me like she wanted to say something else but she didn't, she kept her mouth closed. She just nodded then went out the door closing it a little harder than usual on her way out.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The next two weeks seemed to go by so slowly. I couldn't stand being around anyone, even Raven had started keeping her distance. I didn't blame her though I wasn't much fun to be around lately. The guilt from Murphy's death was riding hard on me. I kept thinking I'd wake up and feel better but it hasn't happened yet. I only left my room a few times a day but it was never for very long.

Bellamy tried to help but seeing him made things worse. Knowing it was because of my feelings for him that caused this mess. If I would have never acted on it then Murphy wouldn't have thought he had to leave. It's been three days now since the last time I saw Bellamy and my heart hurts which makes me feel even guiltier. I've always heard that loving was hard but I never imagined this is what it would be like.

I heard a knock on my door. I tried to ignore it but when it got louder I finally said "come in."

When the door opened the last person I expected to see stood there, it was Emori. I looked away.

"Why're you here?" I finally asked after she didn't say anything.

"Why didn't you let them kick me out?" She said without emotion.

"Because I deserved what you did." I said without hesitation.

"I can't argue with you there." She responded then took a deep breath before continuing "I actually came here for a reason."

"Shocker." I rolled my eyes.

"Never mind. I shouldn't have come." She started to turn around.

"Emori." I called after her "Don't act like a baby. You and I both know that you're a tough girl and my little comment wouldn't have hurt your feelings. Especially because I know how you feel about me."

She turned back around and looked me straight in the eyes. "No you didn't hurt my feelings but I was getting ready to head out, was going to take a walk through me and Murphy's old neighborhood. I thought maybe… Maybe you would want to go with me. But I don't even want you to go if you're going to act like that."

I knew in the back of my mind that this was a bad idea but that didn't stop me from saying "I'll behave, I promise."

Emori kind of looked shocked "you're willing to go with me, out there?"

I shrugged my shoulders "sure why not?"

"Just figured that you wouldn't trust me." She said honestly.

"I don't." Figured I wouldn't lie now.

"Then why would you agree to go out there with me alone?" She didn't understand.

"Because Emori it doesn't matter where we are. If you're going to do something you'll do it." I sighed "And I need to get outta here. A walk seems pretty damn good right about now even if it is with someone who might want me dead."

It was obvious that Emori was still trying to decide if I was being serious but when I finally pulled myself out of bed and starting rummaging through my closet it finally hit her.

"So you're really coming?" She asked sounding surprised.

I nodded "as long as you were actually asking."

"Well I never planned this far ahead. I never thought you would agree to come." She almost sounded discouraged.

"I guess today is the day I surprise you then, huh?" I replied while changing.

We were out of my room and headed outside about 5 minutes later. I knew the only way I would be able to get outside these walls is if no one knew I was leaving. So I took the extra time to make sure no one saw us. I knew I was being reckless going outside the walls with Emori but honestly I didn't care, it kind of felt like an adventure.

When we were a good distance away from the house we finally started taking the main streets again. We didn't talk, we just walked side by side enjoying the silence. It was obvious the moment we started crossing over from the richy neighborhood to the lower class. Even after all this time it still looked so much worse.

It took me a minute to realize exactly where we were but the moment I did I couldn't seem to get my feel to move. Emori kept walking for a minute before finally realizing that I wasn't following.

"What's the problem? You feel like you're too good to be in this neighborhood?" She said with attitude.

"This was where I met Murphy for the first time." The words left my mouth before I could close it. I didn't want to share this with her.

"I thought you two went to school together?" She asked confused.

I nodded "for years apparently but I didn't know who he was until the summer before senior year. My dad had just left me and I wanted to be anywhere except around my mom so I took off and ended up here. Murphy helped me get home safe that night."

"So you guys went to school together and you had no idea who he was?" I didn't miss the way she asked that.

I shook my head "I felt horrible when I found out because here he was helping me and I had no idea who he was but he knew exactly who I was. Everyone knew me. I hadn't realized just how I was before meeting him but he changed me in a way that I never even knew I needed changed. He was the first boy I ever fell for, the only one I have ever loved. He has a piece of me that I will never get back."

"If you love him so much then why did you push him away?" Emori's question brought me back to the here and now.

I sat down in the middle of the deserted street. "We never had a chance. The day we became official was also the day I saw my first zombie, which just so happened to be one of my best friends. Then we got rushed out to the base and even though I tried to pretend like things were good between us, they weren't. He was always too worried about finding a way out, I never understood it. Not until the day I met you. I never even knew you existed until a few days before we left and that was only because of Bellamy. Everyone thought he needed to get out of there to find his sister. But see I knew he didn't have a sister and when I finally questioned him about it he said you grew up together and you were the closest thing to a sister he'd ever had. That was what made my decision to come with him."

"But you weren't the only problem Emori. Obviously I wasn't too happy when I found out that you were the farthest thing from a sister to him. But by that point there was already this thing with Bellamy. I tried to deny it. I tried to push the thoughts away. But I couldn't and when you came in the picture I knew he wasn't who I was supposed to be with. Of course I was pissed to find out that the entire time we were starting our relationship that he'd been going back to you. But honestly I felt relief that I didn't have to try and hide anymore. Not from him. Not from myself. I felt free." This was the first time I had ever said any of this out loud.

"So you're pretty much saying he died for nothing?" She sounded hostile.

"He shouldn't have died." I yelled "He should've been back with you. I don't get it. I could tell he loved you so why the hell were you two not back together?"

"You're not going to put this on me." She was angry.

"I'm not trying to, I'm just trying to understand things. I know he cared for me but I never really believed it was love. There's no reason he should've still been stuck up on me after all these months." I just kept blabbing. "Didn't you want him back?"

"Are you seriously asking me that right now? I have loved that boy since we were kids. I survived for him only to find out that he'd shacked up with some spoiled little rich girl." Emori was yelling by this point.

"I may have been some spoiled rich girl but he made me a better person. He made me see a different way of life." That was the thing I will always be able to say about my relationship with Murphy. He helped grow me into the woman that I've become.

"But what'd you do for him? Not a damn thing except get him killed." She was furious.

"I know I'm to blame for his death. I will never argue with you over that. But if you want to sit there and point fingers you're also to blame." I finally stood back up "If it wouldn't have been for you he would've stayed at the base. We would have never left there."

I knew she hadn't expected me to say something like that and honestly that hadn't even been something I had been thinking about. She just knew how to piss me off. But it was me who was about to be surprised by her actions. I saw her reach behind her and pull something out. It took a few moments to focus on what had just happened.

"You're seriously pulling a gun on me?" I actually laughed. "Man and I thought I was weak. But for you to do something so cowardly. I had you pegged completely wrong."

"Shut up." She screamed. "Don't you get it Clarke? You won't be going back to your house. By the time they even notice your gone it'll be too late. You'll be zombie food."

I took a step toward her "do it. Don't you get it? I don't care."

That was far from the truth. I was freaking out on the inside but I knew I had to keep it calm to stay alive. I figured she didn't want to come out to make up or anything but I never figured her to have a gun.

When I heard the gun click I knew I was in trouble. Just as she went to pull the trigger I saw something, more like someone charge at her. I thought I was saved but when I heard the gun sound and then felt the sharp pain through my side I knew I had been hit. I tried to stay standing but lost that battle soon before I knew it I was on the ground.

"Why do you have to be so stupid?" I heard the very annoyed voice from my closest friend.

"I have to keep you on your toes, Reyes." I tried to joke but the pain was starting to become unbearable. "You need to get me back. We have to get this bullet out of me."

"We need to get you to Lincoln or Nyko." Raven knew who could take care of me.

"Do you think you can carry me?" I asked feeling myself slipping in and out of consciousness.

"No but…"

"I can." I felt Bellamy's arms around me picking me up from the ground.

"But I'll bleed all over you." Those was the last words I remembered coming out of my mouth before darkness came.

I felt myself wake a few times over the next few hours each time I was back out so fast that I had no idea where I was or how things were proceeding. All I knew was that with each awakening all I felt was excruciating pain and welcomed the sleep to take me back over.

When I did finally wake I was alone. I sat up and regretted it immediately. I looked down at my side and saw the bandage. There was no blood seeping through so I knew things must have went well.

"How're you feeling?" I saw Nyko as he walked around the curtain.

"Wonderful." I said with a slight laugh. Then got serious "it feels better, obviously sore but I can tell you did a good job."

"Did you doubt me?" He said with a smile.

"Not at all. I knew I was in good hands." I told him honestly. I would have preferred him over Lincoln but I wouldn't ever admitted that out loud.

"You had a lot of people scared." He said in a serious tone. "Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

When I looked up at him I knew he was serious. He actually believed my intentions were to die.

I slowly shook my head "I honestly thought that we might be able to work out of differences. It was a long shot but we actually had a conversation, which hasn't happened in the months she's been here."

"You thought she asked you to go take a walk out there. Just to talk?" He asked suspiciously.

I shrugged my shoulders "I'm not stupid. I knew there was the possibility that she may attack me again but this time I wasn't going to lay there and take it. I never figured she could have gotten her hands on a gun."

"Desperate people do desperate things." The way he said that I had a feeling he wasn't only speaking about Emori.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It has been almost two months since my incident with Emori. And it's been the longest two months of my life. I wasn't allowed to leave medical for almost two full weeks and when I was finally able to Nyko was checking in on me daily. His excuse was I was too important to loose but I think it had more to do with he truly thought I had been trying to get myself killed.

I may have been down but I didn't want to die, not anytime soon anyway.

It wasn't until I was out of medic that I finally learned the fate that Emori faced. Raven told me that if it had been up to her she would have gotten rid of the problem right then and there but Bellamy stopped her. I was surprised by that because I figured he would have been right there with Raven. But apparently Bellamy knew I wouldn't have wanted her dead so instead they banished her, if she could keep herself alive then she would live if not then it really didn't matter.

I don't know what it said about me but I didn't care one bit that she had been thrown out. Whether she lived or died really didn't matter to me anymore.

I had finally come to the realization that I wasn't to blame for Murphy's death. Did I factor into it, yes I still believed I did but I now know I didn't firsthand cause it. I now knew that nothing good could have come out of me staying with him when I knew my heart wasn'tin it.

Now that we're two months past the whole incident I finally feel like I'm getting back to myself. I've felt like someone else for so long I almost forgot what it felt like to be me.

I've seen Bellamy on a regular basis but only as a friend. After everything that happened I just didn't feel it was a good time to start something new and he agreed.

The only outings we had once the cold hit was to get extra wood to keep the fireplaces running. Another big difference was in the winter months we tried to keep everyone together as much as possible so we wouldn't have to be using so many of the fireplaces. All the main areas in the house had become designated sleep rooms along with my bedroom and my parent's old room. They were the two biggest bedrooms so including those we had four rooms that everyone piled in to sleep. It was awkward but it worked.

I was up roaming the halls which had become something normal for me. Ever since the incident sleeping at night had been a little difficult. It wasn't like I had nightmares or anything but sleep just never came.

I walked around the lower level of the house, knowing deep down exactly what I was looking for, or should I say who. I'd never admit it but I started enjoying spending the late nights with a certain someone who was usually on guard at night. I was almost to the entry of the house when I heard more than one voice speaking in hushed tones.

I quietly rounded the corner and when I saw who was sitting there next to Bellamy my heart sank. I stood there, trying not to eavesdrop but knowing that was the exact reason I was still standing there.

"I bet you're getting worked up being cooped up in this house every day." Echo said obviously flirting.

Bellamy let out a light laugh "you have no idea how right you are."

"Oh I bet I know exactly how you feel. Don't forget you're not the only one who's used to being out there." Echo was obviously using the, we were both in the service so were so much alike, to try and get with Bellamy once again. But I knew he would refuse her again.

"I do forget that sometimes." He turned and finally looked at her for the first time since I had been watching "I'm so use to it just being me and Miller."

"At least you had a safe place to go pretty much from the time this shit happened. I wasn't so lucky. I was stuck out here. Afraid that every day would be my last." She sat her hand on his thigh. "But when I met your sister, I finally had hope that I may actually survive this."

I really thought Bellamy would move away from her right about now or at least remove her hand from his leg, but he didn't. "I'm glad you and O found each other. I don't know what I would've done if something would've happened to her."

"You know she talked so much about you. I felt like I already knew you before I ever did." She slowly rubbed her hand further and further up his thigh as she talked.

"Echo." Finally he placed his hand on top of hers. "I'll never be able to show you just how much I appreciate everything you did. But not like this, I'm sorry but I'm just not interested in you like that."

A huge grin crossed my face. That's what I had been waiting for.

Echo laughed "Oh Bellamy I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend. I know that you're not currently seeing anyone and well neither am I. So I don't see the harm in us letting off some steam together. It's not like it'll mean anything."

I watched in horror as Bellamy seemed to actually be debating this. I knew technically we weren't together but I couldn't imagine either of us hooking up with someone else.

Echo stood from her chair taking a step toward Bellamy then straddled him. He didn't try to push her away. "You can't deny that you want me right now."

I should've walked away right then. Ignorance is bliss right. I remember always hearing that saying growing up. I never truly understood it until that moment. Not knowing what was about to happen would be a lot easier for me to handle then actually knowing that it did. I should have walked away, I shouldn't have kept watching but I did. I watched through the first kiss. I watched as the clothes were shed. I even watched as they started but that's when I finally took my eyes from them. I turned around and walked away.

It's not like I could really blame him. He'd been waiting so long for me and when he finally thought things were finally moving in the right direction they were slammed down by Murphy's death and then Emori trying to kill me. The thought of Bellamy being with someone else hurt but I knew this was something else that I would make it through. I was starting to wonder if everything that's happened is karma. Until I met Murphy I was a pretty shitty person. I may have changed but there are years in my past that I have to make up for. I guess slowly I am.

The upcoming weeks I acted like nothing was wrong and somehow everyone believed me. If the world wasn't what it was today maybe I could have become an actress. I still hung out with Bellamy everyday like I didn't have the images from the night etched in my brain. Sleeping was even harder now then it was before but I was also able to keep that hidden.

Bellamy asked me on several occasions why I hadn't come to see him at night anymore and without even trying I lied so easily to him, telling him that I had finally been able to get some sleep at night. He actually seemed a little sad but the moment the expression hit his face he covered it with excitement for me.

Raven knew I was still having the sleep problems, she was a little harder to lie to since she was one of the many bodies that slept in my room. I just asked her to keep it to herself. I made a pretty believable argument telling her that I was afraid that I was leading Bellamy on, making him think that I was ready sooner than I actually was. She didn't ask again.

I hated that I had become such a good liar but I knew it had to be done. It was better to keep this to myself.

It was going on about 6 weeks of keeping up this charade when Octavia pulled me into the guesthouse that she and Lincoln shared with the others that had come with her.

"Sit." Octavia ordered.

I followed her instructions, what else was I gonna do?

She stood staring at me. She paced back and forth before finally saying "I know you know."

I looked at her in confusion "Know what?"

She sighed before sitting in front of me. "About Echo and Bellamy."

I widen my eyes in surprise "how do you know?"

"No one can keep things from me." She said suspiciously then shook her head "Echo came running to me afterwards."

"So you've known the whole time?" I asked her.

She nodded "but it wasn't until recently that I started thinking you knew as well."

"I've also known the whole time." I looked down at the floor trying to keep my emotions in check.

"How'd you find out? I threatened Echo not to breathe a word of it." When I looked back up to her I saw her staring at me curiously.

I took a deep breath "I saw them."

"How'd you not beat the shit out her right then and there?" Octavia seemed like she was getting worked up.

I shrugged my shoulders "he's not mine. He's free to do whatever he wants."

"But I thought you two were moving in that direction?"

"We were. Actually we were there before everything happened with Murphy and Emori." I sighed "I shut down after that, he seemed to be understanding but I'm guessing he got tired of waiting."

"I don't get it." Octavia pretty much screamed "I've never seen my brother with anyone like he is with you. I can't see him just giving up all that time that he's already waited."

"I don't know what to tell you Octavia." I would also like to know that answer but I don't expect it "I watched and she didn't force him to do anything. He was into it just as much as she was."

She cleared her throat "did you watch it all?"

I couldn't help but let out a little laugh "more than I should have."

"Clarke why would you do that to yourself?" She took my hands in hers.

"I don't know. I felt so mad and so hurt but I couldn't move. Even though I didn't want to watch him put his hands on her, I didn't want to see him kiss her, I couldn't look away." I felt the tears falling.

Octavia wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her. "He's an asshole. If you want I can kick his ass for you."

Her statement actually made he laugh "he didn't do anything wrong. So there's no reason to do him any bodily harm."

"We must think very differently because in my mind he did something very wrong." Octavia said in my hair as she still held me.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked her and felt her nod "Don't say anything to him. I don't want him to know that I know. He has actually become a pretty good friend and I don't want to lose that."

"I've held it this long so you don't have to worry about me saying a word."

"Thank you."

As I walked out of the guesthouse and back into the main house I just had to pass Echo. I smiled in her direction but just kept walking. I didn't miss the smile she had plastered on her face. When I reached my room a let out a sigh of relief that I didn't see Bellamy on my way over. But that was crushed the moment I opened the door and saw him sitting on my bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked still standing in the doorway.

"Well I came to talk to you but you seem to have another life I don't know about. You've been gone for hours." He joked around.

I matched his smile "maybe I do. Wouldn't you like to know?"

He chuckled "well the weather will be breaking in the next couple weeks so were thinking of starting to get groups set to get our supplies restocked."

"That's a good idea. I've noticed we've been running low on things. Especially in medical." I couldn't help but think the medical part was partially because of me.

"Well were thinking of having four groups and after talking with Miller. We thought it would be a good idea if you lead a group yourself. Thought you could lead the group to restock your medical supplies." I didn't miss that Bellamy seemed like he was having a hard time getting this out.

"You sure you both agreed or was this Miller?" I asked curiously.

Bellamy sighed "I don't like the idea of you being out there without me."

I looked up and met his eyes the moment he stood. He started walking over to me and I had the urge to run away but I kept my feet planted.

"You know I can take care of myself." I finally said.

He nodded "I know you can, but I will still worry."

He stopped inches in front of me. He looked like he wanted to touch me but he never did. He sighed and walked past me. That was the first time since he and Echo hooked up that he looked guilty. I wasn't sure what it meant exactly but I had a feeling that the friendship that I'd been trying to keep intact may be hitting a bump sooner that I would like it to.

 _I hope you don't hate me for that..._


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

The weeks came and went and before I knew it, it was time to go on our first run of the season. I was both excited and nervous. But how could I not be, the last two times I was out here I was almost killed and Murphy was. Thinking back, it had been almost 4 months since I'd stepped outside the walls that surrounded my house.

I couldn't believe it had actually been that long. It didn't seem like that much time had come and gone.

I saw Wells walking over to me with a huge smile on his face. "How you doing?"

I couldn't help but smile. "I'm doing."

Nothing was official but I was pretty sure Raven and Wells were still secretly seeing each other. Neither would tell me but I could tell Wells was seeing someone and I couldn't see it being anyone other than Raven. Their situation was kind of like mine except Raven was never serious with Finn, they had been kind of off and on for years but it was nothing spectacular, that was Raven's words.

"So if something horrible happens out here this time are you going to save me? None of my regular saviors are here." I tried to make a joke but Wells didn't look very happy.

"Your reckless days are over. No more troublemaking." He said seriously.

Just then Lincoln walked up, he stopped right as he reached us and said "actually that's why I'm here. Octavia was pissed that she wasn't assigned to your group so she made sure I was."

I laughed "makes sense and you don't wanna make Octavia mad."

A chuckle came from Lincoln which didn't happen very often "no you don't."

We continued walking. We decided to take another trip to the hospital on the first outing, I knew we hadn't completely cleared it out before winter. The moment it came in view the images flashes of the last time me and Bellamy had been there. I shook my head to get the images out.

"So which way then?" One of the guys in Lincoln's group said, I think his name was Roan.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You're a joke of a leader. Concentrate or you'll get us all killed." He obviously didn't care for me.

"There's no need for that." Lincoln told him sternly then looked back at me "he asked if you were wanting to take the main entrance?"

"Sorry I was trying to concentrate on what's out there. I was trying to make sure it's clear in front of us." It was a complete lie but I thought it sounded pretty good.

"So which way would you advise us to go?" He said in an annoyed voice.

"We actually have a side entrance that we usually use. We kept the dead out front hoping it would keep others away." I said as I walked.

I didn't wait for a response from Roan or any of the others. It was obvious that some were not happy that Bellamy chose me to be one of the leaders out of everyone else in our group. It was no secret that I hadn't been very well kept together.

When I got the side entrance I was happy that it was still accessible. I slid in through the hidden entrance. I made sure to stay quiet, knowing the next room would be pretty dark and I wouldn't be able to see if something was trying to attack me. I listened very closely then after I was almost positive there was nothing there I flashed the flashlight which showed me exactly what I hoped. The room was completely empty. I waved the rest of the group in.

The hospital was huge and even though we came here multiple times before winter, we hadn't even got through half of the hospital yet. I knew we weren't the only people who have been through the hospital but so far we've done pretty well at getting what we need. I know it helped a lot that I also had my mother's keys, so I was able to very easily access some of the areas that others could not.

"So where we headed now, Princess?" I heard Roan ask in a very snarky tone. I did'nt like the way he said that one bit.

I turned and looked at him "do you have a problem with me? Did I do something that pissed you off?"

Roan didn't back down in fact I think my little outburst kinda pissed him off even more. "Do I have a problem with you, yes I do. Did you do something to me personally, no. But you've done enough to screw over this entire group. And here your little boyfriend gives you the job of a leader just to make you feel better."

My mouth dropped "what the hell have I done to screw over this group? My personal situation with Murphy and Emori had nothing to do with anyone else but myself."

"We were doing just fine before you guys came along. And now were stuck in that place, pretty much sleeping on top of each other. Being led by children." He didn't hide his dislike.

"Then leave." I shouted "No one's keeping you there. You don't wanna be there then bye bye."

I knew I probably just proved his point of being a child but I didn't care. That's how I felt, if he didn't want to be there then he could leave. No one should have to stay if they didn't want to be there.

"There was so many people that were more qualified than you to lead this group."

"Oh really? Including you?" This got me pissed.

"I'm a born leader." He said with a straight face.

"Then lead." I waved him on "You are so damn sure you can. Then do it."

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Do you know what the medicine is that we need?" I asked him.

He didn't answer.

"Ok do you know where the supplies is located?" I continued when he didn't answer.

I heard a chuckle from someone in the group and I could only guess it came from Wells.

"I guess not. So what makes you so qualified to lead the medical team? If I'm not mistaken you have no medical experience at all, right?" I just kept going, I loved that I could stump him.

Man if looks could kill, then I'd yet again have someone trying to kill me.

"So is this done? You ready to let me do my job?" I looked around at the rest of the group "does anyone else have a problem with me running this group?"

I heard multiple no's through the group.

"Now that we've got that cleared up. If you're done being an ass, I'd like to go get what we came here to get." I didn't wait for a response from him I just turned around and went through the door.

If I hadn't been so worked up with everything that had just happened with Roan I may have been able to prepare myself for what happened next.

No, scratch that I don't think I could ever prepare myself for it. After searching a few rooms, coming up short we were crossing a room and I noticed something that didn't belong. I slowly moved toward it and when it moved it made me jump. Lincoln, of course grabbed ahold of me, pulling me behind him and I don't know why it surprised me that I ended up getting thrown into Roan. Even though he obviously wanted to let me fall he didn't, he steadied me then released me.

When I finally got myself situated and looked over Lincoln's shoulder I couldn't believe what I saw. Emori stood about 15 feet in front of us. She looked like hell. The satisfaction that I felt was quickly shattered when I looked a little lower and noticed her swollen belly. I couldn't think straight, this can't be happening. She can't be pregnant.

Finally I pushed past Lincoln, looking Emori straight in the eyes and said "is it Murphy's?"

I knew the answer before even asking the question. I knew they had hooked up.

"Oh shit." That was Wells obviously just noticing.

"What does it matter?" Her voice was scratchy but still bitchy.

"You know I can't leave you out here." I stated.

"Whoa. Wait a minute Clarke. What do you mean?" I knew I was making Lincolns job hard and this was only the first outing.

"I won't let that baby die. I don't care what you think or what anyone else thinks. That's a part of Murphy in there. The only part that's left of him." I couldn't help but start to get loud.

"This is something that'll have to be discussed." Lincoln was trying to be the voice of reason.

"Fine we'll all discuss it but she's coming back with us." I ordered.

"Don't I get a say in this?" She interrupted.

"Nope." I said straight up "his baby will not die."

I honestly thought there'd be more arguing, either from Emori or my team but there was nothing more. Everyone went quiet.

Almost everyone at least "and there she is our leader, wanting to bring someone back into our house that already attempted to kill someone."

I turned and looked at Roan "shut up."

It took us a couple more hours to finish the sweep that was planned for the hospital. It took a tad longer than planned for but Emori was right there with us the entire time, I didn't take my eyes off her. Lincoln always made sure he was positioned right between us. I couldn't blame him though, if anything happened to me, he'd have to deal with Octavia.

I started getting a little nervous as we walked back to the house. I knew I had to do this, I couldn't leave her to die. I decided it was best to go in first and talk with Bellamy, Miller, Octavia and Raven before bringing Emori back inside. I needed to try and explain before they saw her.

"You all stay here with her I'll be back after having a little talk with the others." I told my team before walking into the house.

I found Raven and Miller first, then when I went looking for Bellamy I found him with Echo. They weren't doing anything but I still didn't like the idea of finding them together. Octavia was the last I found but when I got all four together, they knew something was going on.

I stood there awkwardly before finally saying. "We found something else on our trip today. And I kind of wanted to talk about that before bringing her in."

"You found someone on your run today?" Bellamy looked concerned.

I took a breath "yes we found someone, someone who isn't quite welcome here?"

Their expressions changed quickly. Octavia was the first to speak "you brought Emori back here?"

I nodded.

"You've got to be kidding?" Raven was not happy.

"I'm not. But there's more." I sighed "she's pregnant, that's why I brought her back. That baby would have no chance of survival out there."

"Who cares? Let them die." Raven didn't hold back her dislike.

"I can't do that." I said more emotional then I wanted to.

"I don't understand, why you can't?" She was shouting by this point.

I was trying to get the words out but Bellamy beat me to it "the baby's Murphy's isn't it?"

"Clarke we can't pardon her because of this." Octavia said softly.

"I'm not asking for you guys to pardon her. Just don't kill her. Let this baby be born." I pleaded with them.

Bellamy was staring at me but the moment I looked at him he turned away.

"I should've killed her when I had the chance." Raven said hatefully.

"I should've let you." When Bellamy agreed with Raven it made my heart hurt, how could either of them say that? Killing her, is killing this baby, this innocent baby.

"Well I'm sorry that I have a heart." I shouted as I turned around and walked back out the door.

It wasn't clear but I was almost positive that I heard Bellamy say "but only when it comes to Murphy."

I didn't want to pick a fight so I just kept walking. Hoping that they were following so we could get the rest of our people back in the house and figure out what to do with Emori.

It took about 10 minutes but they did finally follow me out. Bellamy was leading the others. His eyes stared straight ahead, the moment they landed on Emori they didn't move.

He stopped a few feet in front of her. "You'll stay here while you're pregnant, with a guard on you at all times. If I feel that you're threatening anyone, you'll be locked up. Once you have that baby then we'll decide where to go from there."

Emori just stared at him but didn't respond.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes I understand completely. You thought once he died you'd finally have Clarke all to yourself but now because of this, you never will." Emori said with a sick smile staring straight at Bellamy.

Bellamy didn't give her the satisfaction of a reply. He looked around the group to each and every one of them, well everyone except me. "I'm going to get a meeting called to discuss the situation. We need to let everyone know what's going on and immediately. I don't want anyone thinking were keeping anything from them."

"Now we wouldn't want to do that would we?" I don't know where that came from but it finally put Bellamy's attention on me.

"Do you have something to say?" His tone hurt.

"Nope." I said turning around and heading back to the house leaving them to figure out what to do with Emori. I knew I should have stayed since she was my responsibility but I was so pissed I couldn't stay.

 _So that just happened... I knew from the beginning that I wanted to bring Emori back into the story, it took awhile to figure out actually how I was going to do it but I hope that worked good._


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Two weeks had come and gone and I couldn't help but feel isolated. Everyone was pissed that I brought Emori back. Of course Raven and Wells were still my friends, they were both upset with me as well but they could see why I did it. Especially Wells because he's known me pretty much my whole life, he knew me better than anyone and knew just what Murphy meant to me. He didn't agree with my decision but he understood why I did it.

In the two weeks since I brought Emori back, I had only seen Bellamy a handful of times. He wouldn't say a word to me, hell he barley even looked at me.

I wasn't allowed in the same room with Emori unless there was someone else present. I knew it was for my own protection but it pissed me off, especially because I was doing her medical care. I felt like it was a freak show each time I had to check her out. She looked grateful to be back but she would never tell anyone especially not me.

I slept even less now, I really wasn't sure how I even operated anymore. I knew I was running on an hour of sleep at the most each day. After laying in my room for a couple hours finally after knowing sleep wasn't coming anytime soon I got up, quietly to make sure I didn't wake anyone else in the room. At first I didn't know where I was headed but the moment I reached his door, I knew that was exactly where I wanted to be. I needed to talk to Bellamy. I knew there was a good chance he was sleeping but since he was still staying in the room he originally was and no one else shared it with him then I wouldn't disturb anyone else.

I slowly cracked the door and saw right away that he wasn't sleeping but what I saw wasn't something I wanted to. He wasn't alone in his room, it was dark so I couldn't tell who he was with but I didn't need to see her to know exactly who it was. I took a breath then closed the door back as quietly as I opened it. I knew they had hooked up before but knowing that it has continued didn't settle very well.

I walked quickly down two sets of stairs, to the basement, or what's now known as the medical ward. The only place in the house that I get even a little bit of happiness anymore. I crossed the room and unlocked the door that we keep all the medical supplies. Also crossing that room I went to a little secret room that not many people knew about, it was the room that we locked all the alcoholic drinks that we came across and since my parents had quite the wine collection it was stocked. I hoped just drinking a little would help get the images out of my mind and maybe even help me sleep.

I took the lid of one of the bottle and took a few drinks. I looked at the bottle still amazed that this stuff wasn't horrible. I took a couple more drinks then put the cap back on. I grabbed the bottle and started toward the door, deciding right as I reached the door to grab a second bottle. I hid the bottles in my jacket then headed back up the stairs.

I just reached the top of the second set of stairs when the alcohol started to set in. I don't know if it was because of the fuzzy feeling from the alcohol or it being dark but I ended up walking right into someone as I rounded the corner. I felt one of the bottles slip and I knew when the other person swore in pain that it must have hit him.

"What the hell was that?" I heard a very angry voice.

"Sorry." I tried to grab it before Roan could see what it was but I was too late.

He stood back up, bottle in hand. "Haven't you ever heard drinking alone is only for depressed people?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe that's exactly what I am?" I said without hesitation.

"What could you be depressed about?" He said rudely.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. My life is just unicorns and rainbows." I said sarcastically.

I attempted to grab the bottle back but he kept it out of my reach.

"Give me the bottle back." I ordered.

"Looks like you already have one, so I think I'll keep this one." He said matter of a factly.

"I don't think so."

"And how do you plan on getting it back?" He said smugly.

Without thinking I pushed him back against the wall, and hard. He actually stumbled before hitting the wall. He opened his eyes wide in surprise.

I put my hand out waiting on him to hand over the bottle.

"You've gotta try harder than that." He stood there smiling.

I took a few steps back, really not having any other plans of getting it back. He smirked then opened the door next to him and walked into the unused room. I watched as he sat on the bed then opened the bottle and took a long swig out of it. "Damn that's pretty good."

"Apparently my mom had good taste in wine." I told him as I walked into the room.

"Obviously expensive." He stated.

I nodded as I sat on the bed next to him "everything had to be expensive, if it wasn't it was worthless to her."

"Is that why you left her?"

I turned and looked at him, he actually seemed interested. "Does everyone talk about me around here?"

I took another drink of the bottle I was holding. I hated the fact that it seemed like everyone knew everything about me and my family. I guess it didn't help living in my house. Everything was there for anyone to see.

"You do seem to be a popular topic. You know with you being crazy and all." He said with a chuckle.

After downing about half the bottle I laid back on the bed. "I am kind of crazy aren't I?"

He laughed "not everyone would welcome the person that tried to kill them back into their home, even in the current situation."

"Do you understand? I mean I had to do it. I couldn't let her stay out there and die. Not while she was carrying his baby." I laid there staring up at him.

"I get why you felt like you had to but I think it was stupid." He told me honestly.

"Why do you hate me?" The words just came out.

He laid down with his head right next to mine, his long dark hair flowing beside him. "It's not that I hate you, I just don't think you're ready to lead. Maybe you will be one day but I think you got the position because of Bellamy. He wanted his girlfriend to have a power position just like him."

"I wasn't kidding before when I said I wasn't his girlfriend. He hasn't spoke to me since I brought Emori back. Hell he was screwing Echo way before that." This was the first time I openly admitted this to anyone, except when I was confronted by Octavia.

"Him and Echo huh? I can see that." He nodded.

I lifted up and attempted to glare down at him. "It wasn't supposed to be like that though. He wasn't supposed to be with anyone else."

"Shit happens Clarke, especially in the world we live in now. You shouldn't expect anything from anyone. You should know better than anyone how relationships toll now." I didn't know if it was the wine that was making him nice but I appreciated it.

"You know you have pretty hair?" And the alcohol came in play.

"Yea I do. I'm pretty proud of my hair." He said with confidence.

"I have crazy hair." I put my hands in my hair stretching the curls out then letting them go.

Roan sat up and took his hand through my hair. "I think you have pretty amazing hair as well."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"What, you think that's funny? I just happen to like girls with curly hair."

"Uh-oh are you telling me that you like me?" I said with a flirty smile "And look at us all alone on a bed. You won't try to take advantage of me now will you?"

He looked amused "if I wanted you, I'd have you. You'd be begging for it."

"Oh really?" I scooted myself a little closer to him, placing my hand on his thigh "this doesn't bother you does it?"

His breath hitched. "I suggest you move you hand or you'll regret it."

"Are you sure? Or maybe this was my plan all along." I ran my fingers up and down his inner thigh, moving higher and higher.

"I doubt that." It was obvious that he was enjoying this.

The first time my fingers ran across the bulge expanding under his pants I saw the look of lust behind his eyes. I knew if I didn't stop this right now that I'd get myself in trouble. Even though my brain was yelling at me to stop, I couldn't. The next time my hand lingered a little longer. I knew what I wanted, I may regret the decision later but this is what I wanted right now.

When I moved and positioned myself on top of him he said "Clarke."

"Shh." I placed my finger in front of my lips.

The next moment I placed my lips on his and everything after that was a blur.

When I woke up the next morning I was surprised that I actually felt great. By the light streaming through the window I had a feeling it was already late afternoon, I couldn't believe I actually slept that long. I turned to see Roan still fast asleep, I couldn't help but check him out while he slept. He was no Bellamy but he wasn't bad looking and had a fantastic body. And what I could remember about the night before he had been pretty good in bed.

"You like what you see?" I was still staring when he opened his eyes.

I let out an awkward laugh "I guess you're not too bad."

"That's not what you were saying last night." He smirked. "You were begging for more."

"Yea I don't recall that." Even though I did slightly remember.

"You need some reminding?"

"Nope I think I had enough of you to last a lifetime." I said as I sat up, pulling the blanket up with me to cover myself.

"Whatever you say." He stepped out of the bed not even attempting to cover himself.

I couldn't help but check him out which I had a feeling was the exact reason he did it.

"You better get dressed. You know your friends are probably worried about you." He said knowingly.

I hadn't thought about that. I hadn't slept in my room which meant that Raven would have noticed I was gone the moment she woke up. I kept myself covered as I got dressed, really not wanting him looking at my body. When I was fully dressed I looked back at him.

Amusement danced in his eyes. "You embarrassed about the decision you made?"

I shook my head "nope not embarrassed. I think maybe I needed that."

He lifted his eyebrows "Oh. Well if you ever want something like that again you know where to find me."

I grabbed the two bottles of wine that was still half full and hid them in the closet. "You know just in case we decide to have some more."

He smirked "Oh I'm sure I'll have some more."

I laughed as I walked past him pulling the door open. Not even thinking about what might be on the other side of the door.

"Where the hell have you been?" I heard Raven's voice as I walked through the open doorway. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Oh don't worry I took care of her." Roan said with a smug look on his face as he walked up behind me.

Raven looked from me to him then back to me again. "Really Clarke. Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Probably not." I told her honestly. "But oh well. What good choices have I been making lately?"

I walked toward her looping my arm through hers, forcing her to walk with me. We walked to our room once the door closed she started yelling at me.

"What the hell are you doing Clarke?" She obviously wasn't happy about my decision.

"What does it matter?" I asked her blankly.

"You know acting like this won't help you recover your relationship with Bellamy." She looked at me sadly.

"Raven that ship has already sailed."

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"He's been sleeping with Echo. The first time was about two months ago but I think maybe it's been going on since then?" I finally opened up to her.

"How do you know? Did she tell you? You know she'd say…."

I interrupted her "I saw them. On two separate occasions now."

"Oh Clarke. Please don't lower yourself just to get even." She said as she took me in her arms.

"That wasn't the plan. Actually none of what happened has been planned. Everything just seems to be unraveling." I told her honestly.

"Can I ask something?" Raven gave me an odd look.

"Sure."

"How was it? I mean come on look at him. It's not like I hadn't imaged ripping his clothes off him and taking advantage of him myself." She actually seemed kind of excited.

I couldn't help but laugh "actually what I can remember it was pretty good. We were both… Uh... A little tipsy."

"Drinking again, huh? It seems to get you in trouble." She said jokingly.

"Yea. Yea it really does." I couldn't help but think the last time I drank I came onto Bellamy. Now this time it was Roan. I was starting to think that maybe drinking wasn't a good idea.

 _Well I thought having Clarke have some meaningless fun would help out with everything she's been through. Hope you all agree._


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Even though I knew I could never truly get over Murphy and everything that had happened. Time really had started healing the pain. The first few months I never would have believed it but now that it had been over 6 months things finally looked clearer. I had finally started sleeping better at night and being well rested really did a number for me.

With my attitude being better it seemed to affect the whole house. It appeared that everyone was back to not hating me. Well almost everyone anyway. Bellamy still kept his distance but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that he and Echo made their relationship public. It hurt but I didn't let it tear me apart. The days following their announcement Raven and Octavia made it their mission to not leave me alone but after about a week they finally understood that I really was alright.

Roan… Well that's a whole other story. We kind of started seeing each other. I'm not really sure how it happened but it did. It wasn't anything serious, really it was just us sneaking around whenever we could. Raven thought it was a bad idea but she loved hearing the stories. And did I have some stories to tell her. Our relationship was nothing like the one I had with Murphy. This was mostly just a sexual relationship, I mean we did hang out sometimes but mostly anytime we did it always lead to one thing. So yea the last two months have been pretty damn good in that department.

Emori had gotten pretty big the last two months and the worrying started to set in. With her only having approximately 3 months left I had no idea how I was going to deliver a baby. There wasn't even a way to practice this sort of thing. There had been one idea that seemed to be getting stronger by each passing day. But that idea could possibly cost me in the long run. The only way I knew that Emori would be able to deliver this baby safely is for it to be done by someone who's done it before. And that doesn't include anyone that's here.

I was on my way to medical when I felt familiar hands on my waist.

"Hey where ya rushing off to?" Roan asked as he walked beside me.

"Medical. I have a few stitches this morning then I have to check on Emori." I told him keeping my eyes in front of us.

"Well how about after we meet at the usual spot?" He asked.

"I think we're going to have to change our usual spot. Now that the weather is nice again everyone is slowly moving back to their own rooms. So our room will no longer be ours." I told him as we rounded the corner to medical.

I saw Emori and none other than Bellamy sitting there waiting on me. He looked from Roan to me then said "nice of you to show up."

"Our appointment isn't for another 2 hours." I said not letting him get to me "I have two people coming in for stiches in about 20 minutes."

"I'll see you Clarke." Roan said as he walked away.

"Bye." I replied as I unlocked the door not looking in his direction.

I heard the two of them follow me in. "No her appointment was for 7:30."

I looked at Emori "what time was your appointment?"

"10. I tried to tell him that." She said taking my side.

"Bellamy I get here no earlier than 8. I know your use to just snapping your fingers and getting whatever you want but you will not win here." That was a low blow.

He laughed. "Really? I can't believe you would even say that."

I actually couldn't believe it either.

I took a deep breath "I wanted to run something by both of you. I think it would be better for Emori to start seeing someone who has done stuff like this before. She only has a few months left and I'm worried that if we try to do this here, we'll end up losing either one or both of them."

"You got me confused." Emori was the first to speak.

Bellamy didn't say anything, he was just staring at me. So I continued "I think it would be best to take you to the base. Where we came from. I really believe it would be better for the both of you."

"Are you serious?" Bellamy shouted "and who do you plan on taking her? Me?"

I shook my head "no I'll go."

Now both of them were staring at me.

"I like the idea." Emori finally said "I think anywhere would be better than here."

"You can't." Bellamy said directed to me. "They won't let you leave."

"They won't be able to keep me. The only way I would stay is if I wanted to." I told him straight-out.

"I don't like this idea." He didn't hold back.

"Well good thing I wasn't asking you. If Emori would be more comfortable going then I'll take her and make sure she gets the care she needs." I kept my eyes on Emori, I wanted her to know this was her decision and her decision alone.

"Are you doing this because of me?" Bellamy's question actually threw me.

"No. I'm doing this for her and for that baby." I finally looked at him "I just need to know that they'll be safe. Murphy died because he loved me and I need to make sure his child don't see the same fate."

I took a breath before continuing "don't you see this is my way to make up for my part in his death."

"You're sure this isn't all because of me? Because you're upset about me and Echo?" Bellamy was sure of himself.

"Bellamy I need you to know something. If this had to do with you then I would have done something crazy or stupid a long time ago. Like the first night you two hooked up in the entryway of my house. You know when we were still friends." This is the exact reason why we were better off never being in the same room anymore. Tension always ran high.

It took a minute but finally judging by the look on his face Bellamy finally understood that I knew about him and Echo way before I should have.

"How?"

I shook my head "because I came to see you, just like I had every other night. But to my surprise you weren't alone. It was that night that I vowed I wouldn't let another guy walk all over me. That was the night that I realized you and Murphy were more alike than I ever wanted to admit."

Bellamy opened his mouth then closed it. He obviously had something to say but couldn't get the words out.

Just then my patients walked in. "You two can see yourself out. I'll see you back here at 10, Emori."

She nodded "I would like to discuss everything a little more."

"Can do." I dismissed them.

When Emori came back at 10 I was happy that she had a new guard. I didn't know if I could deal with another encounter with Bellamy. Another reason I'm glad she had another guard was because it was Miller, which was the other person I wanted to talk to. Emori had already made up her mind about going to the base and in my opinion the sooner we went the better. I wanted to ask him about leaving in about a week.

After Emori's appointment was finished I pulled Miller to the side. "I wanted to be the one to tell you that we've decided it would be better if I took Emory to the base. I was hoping to borrow a car since it's a bit of a distance."

Miller's expression change immediately "you're not planning on staying are you?"

I shook my head "this is my home now."

He took a deep breath before saying "I'd like to drive you, if that's alright with you."

I couldn't help but smile "but I don't know how long I'll be inside. I don't want you waiting outside the wall for a long period of time."

"It wouldn't be the first time." He cracked a smile. "We also have walkies, you could take one with you and just let me know when you're ready."

"Sounds like a plan. How does a week from today sound?" I asked him.

"Good. I actually agree that the sooner we get her there the better chance her and the baby have." He said in agreement. "And I wanted to tell you, I know you got a hard time bringing her back here but I think you did the right thing. Only a monster would have left her to die."

"I'm glad someone sees it my way." I said with a light smile.

They were headed toward the door when Emori turned around and said "thanks for everything Clarke. I think I was wrong about you."

I just smiled and nodded. It was good to hear her say that but everything is already so messed up because of what happened, I appreciate her words but it can't fix my problems.

I walked straight back to my room. I knew Roan wanted to meet up but he'd have to wait, I had a lot on my mind right now. I would being seeing my mom after a year of being on the outside. So much has happened, I'm not the same person I was all those months ago.

My door opened and Roan stood there with a smirk on his face.

"Can I help you?" I asked in a joking tone.

"Well I thought we had plans." He said as he shut the door behind him and walked closer to me.

"No if I remember correctly you told me what you wanted and I never accepted." I said with smile plastered on my face.

"You have a bad day?" He asked as he reached me.

"Something like that." I pulled him down to me.

If nothing more Roan was good for keeping my mind off things. I knew I had a lot to plan for but it could wait a few hours. Our shirts had just been thrown to the ground when I heard a knock on the door.

I looked up at Roan who shrugged his shoulders. After the second knock I finally said "I'm busy come back later."

I heard someone clear their throat behind the door. "We need to talk."

Bellamy was not who I wanted to talk to right then.

"Like I said I'm in the middle of something right now. I'll find you when I done." I couldn't help but see Roan's smug face when I looked up.

"We need to speak now." His voice got loud and I heard the door beginning to open. I grabbed the sheet and it pulled it over me since I currently only had a bra covering my top half.

The moment the door was open Roan said "why don't you join us Bellamy."

"Seriously Bellamy. I told you I was busy for a reason." I shouted at him.

"You seriously had the nerve to say something to me when you've been messing around with him." Bellamy spat the words out.

"It is none of your concern what I do. And for your information, we've been pretty damn honest with each other. This." I took my hand and motioned between me and Roan "is strictly physical. No strings attached. I've already had too much of that."

He looked straight at Roan and roared "get out."

"What the hell Bellamy. You have no right to tell him what to do." I said defensively.

"This is still my team you are all here because I allowed you to be. So when I say something I expect it to be followed." I had never seen Bellamy so furious.

Roan was already throwing his shirt over his head. I shook my head "seriously Roan?"

"Sorry Clarke. I like having a place to live." He said as he was slipping his boots on.

"Do you actually think he'd kick you out? Your one of Octavia's people. He wouldn't dare." I tried to tell him but he was already heading out the door.

He picked my shirt up off the floor and threw it to me. "Put that on."

I was so furious, I didn't answer to anyone, especially not Bellamy Blake.

I did put my shirt on, not because he told me to but because I really couldn't get off the bed without it. Finally I stood facing him.

"What are you doing Clarke?" He said. "This isn't you."

I gave a sarcastic laugh "I've changed Bellamy, everything that's happened has changed me."

"I'm sorry about Echo." He said softly. "I never even thought about how it could be compared to what Murphy did to you."

"Don't worry about it." Deep down it hurt but on the surface I had become pretty good at hiding.

He took a step toward me "how can I not worry? All I can think about since this morning is what you've been going through these last few months. Knowing about me and Echo and then this whole thing with Emori. You had no one and I walked away from you."

"That's where you're wrong Bellamy. I wasn't alone, my true friends were there for me." I took a deep breath "it hurt when you walked away, I understood that you were pissed but I never figured that you'd stay away. It's been two months Bellamy. Two months since you've even said a word to me."

"You have no idea how hard it's been for me…" He started.

"Your right I don't have any idea but honestly I don't give a damn. I have lost so much since the outbreak. And every time I finally see the light, finally think that everything could be alright even with how the world looks out there, it's ripped from me." Somewhere in that I had begun crying, even though I vowed to myself that I would never let him see me cry.

He pulled me into him and allowed me to cry into his chest. "I'm so sorry Clarke. I never meant to hurt you."

Finally when it seemed that my tears had finally run dry I took a step back. He took his thumbs and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks, I closed my eyes on instinct. What I never expected was to feel his lips against mine a moment later. The electricity coursed through my body and I reacted to the kiss in a way I shouldn't. I have yearned to feel his lips on mine again. Even though I knew with every fiber in my body that this was wrong I didn't pull away. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my hands went to his hair. I felt his hands on my lower back pulling me closer to him.

I knew what I needed to do, I needed to separate myself from Bellamy but I couldn't for the life of me do it. I couldn't take my lips from his. I couldn't move my body from his. I felt his hands moving across my body leaving a tingly feeling behind. I couldn't get my head straight, I knew what I needed to do or what I should do but I just couldn't.

I don't know which of us started moving first but both of our feet moved in unison, we moved slowly making our way to my bed. Was I going to let this happen? What was wrong with me?

When we finally hit the bed and he placed his body gently on top of mine, a moan escaped my mouth. Feeling just how turned on he was did me in. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. That was the longest that our mouths had been apart.

It only took him a few seconds to do the same and when our bodies touched I felt like I might explode. I don't know what it was about this man but I had a feeling after today my life would never be the same. I had no idea what any of this meant.

When we were finally both completely unclothed he finally took his lips away from mine long enough to ask "are you sure?"

I wasn't about to try to speak so I just nodded.

When he placed his lips back on me the next time, I knew this was it. I knew I would forever be connected to him. I tightened my grip on him and let out a gasp.

He pulled back worried "you ok?"

I nodded.

After the initial shock it was so much better than I ever imagined. He was so gentle and took his time. I didn't know if I would look back at this day and think that it was the best or the worse day of my life but I knew it would be one of the two. I knew this was the day that I gave Bellamy my heart.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Before I knew it, the time had come to take Emori to the base. I didn't think I would be as nervous as I currently was but after doing nothing but thinking the last week I was starting to think this could be a mistake. I didn't think they'd keep me against my will but honestly, I had no clue what they were capable of.

I made it my mission to avoid both Bellamy and Roan this week. I really didn't want to speak to either of them. It's not like Roan and I were a couple or anything, but he'd been there for me the last couple months when I only had a couple people that were. He showed me his true self even though he was a complete ass to me at the beginning. I didn't know if what happened between me and Bellamy would hurt him, but I hated that I'd have to tell him because there's that chance that it might.

Now Bellamy was a whole different story. I felt for him things that I didn't know was possible. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I loved Murphy but what I felt for Bellamy was something completely different but the same. Each passing day it physically hurt when I didn't see Bellamy and that scared the shit out of me. I knew I loved him. I wasn't sure exactly when it happened, but I knew the day we made love, I did. When I watched him walk out the door that day, it hurt. I had no idea when I would see him again or even if I wanted to. He had too much control over me and I didn't like it.

I was on my way to the guesthouse to find Roan. I couldn't help but feel that he may've already known something happened between me and Bellamy. Because he wasn't one to stay away. Octavia and Nyko were sitting on the couch when I walked in.

Octavia gave me a small smile, it wasn't like the smiles I use to get but it would do.

"Hey is Roan around?" I asked her in the friendliest voice I could muster.

For a moment she just looked at me then pointed toward the stairs "he's upstairs, second room."

"Thank you.' I said and started walking toward the stairs.

"Clarke." I heard Octavia say so I turned around "is it true that you're taking Emori to the base that you guys came from?"

I nodded "I think it would be best for her. And well everybody else. Maybe without the constant reminder people won't hate me anymore."

"You're coming back though?" She asked actually sounding like she cared.

"Yes, I'll be back." I told her hoping that's the answer she wanted to here.

"Good we can't lose our best doctor." She said with a huge smile then turned and looked at Nyko.

I let out a laugh then headed up the stairs. My hands had started to shake by the time I reached Roan's door. I stood there for about a minute before I finally knocked.

"Come on in." I heard him through the closed door.

When I opened the door, I saw the surprise in his eyes when he saw me. "Hey" I barely got out.

"Wow you coming here, it must be serious." He said in a joking tone.

"Sorry I haven't been around much lately, just had a lot going on." I told him only telling him half the truth.

"Yea I hear your going back to the base." I could hear the hurt in his voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." I told him honestly.

"It's not like you're my girlfriend, so why should you've had to."

"Roan." When his eyes met mine, I could see the hurt behind them "there's something else I need to tell you."

"That don't sound good." He tried to play it off like he wasn't worried, but I could see through it.

"It's not. I did something that I should've never did." I took a deep breath. "First I think I lead you on to believe that this may be something more than it ever would be."

"Don't beat yourself up about that. You told me exactly how it was be from the beginning." I was glad he said that because I had a feeling he wouldn't take the next thing I say so well.

I took a breath and slowly let it out "I had sex with someone else Roan. I never meant for it to happen, but it did."

"Bellamy, right?" He didn't act surprised.

I looked at him puzzled.

"Echo came storming through here the other day, yelling and screaming about Bellamy being with someone else." He said knowingly.

"Shit." I said, knowing that every single person probably already knows about what happened. "I know we didn't have any kind agreement to not be with anyone else, but I needed to tell you."

"Well then I should probably tell you that I slept with Echo the day Bellamy broke up with her."

I don't know why but I actually laughed "you didn't?"

He smiled "no I didn't but I could've she did come onto me."

"You can do better than her." I told him hoping that we could still stay somewhat friends.

"Oh, I know I can. And I will. Don't you worry about that." He seemed like he wasn't to hurt about everything which made me feel better.

"So, you don't hate me?" I asked him in a squeaky voice.

"I'm not gonna pretend like I didn't enjoy our time together but there's no hard feelings." He said, and it really sounded genuine.

"I kind of enjoyed our time together to." I told him with a wink.

"We could always have one last go at it before you hit the road." He said with a smile.

"As much as I'd like to take you up on that I'm going to have to turn ya down."

"You can't blame me for trying." He joked.

"No, I can't." I reached in and hugged him "I'll see you when I get back."

"See ya Griffin."

I turned and walked out of his room and I know away from the only relationship that I'd ever had with no strings attached.

I went and grabbed a few bags said my last goodbyes, which wasn't many. Wells made me promise to check on his dad, but I had already planned on that. Raven got a little teary eyed even after I told her time and time again that I'd be back within a couple days. I really hoped I would've seen Bellamy, but I was starting to think he was ignoring me again. After one more quick check to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything I closed my door and headed to meet up with Miller and Emori.

As I walked up to the van I couldn't help but smile, Bellamy was standing there talking to Miller.

"Hey, I was wondering where you were. I was hoping to tell you bye before we took off." I told him as I walked up to them.

"Actually, I'm coming along. I know you trust Emori and all, but we can't forget that she did try to kill you. With Miller driving he can't really keep an eye on the both of you." Bellamy said all businesslike.

"Well I'm glad you're coming along. If I remember right, it's a pretty long drive." I said trying to not stare at him.

"We need to get on the road now if we want to make it there before nightfall." Miller interrupted us.

We all walked up to the van together. Bellamy looked between me and Emori. "One of you two will be up front the other will be in the back."

Emori looked at Bellamy "who's driving."

"Miller will be taking the first shift driving." Bellamy told her looking a little confused about her question.

"Oh ok. Then I'll sit up front." She said as she looked back at me for a split second then headed toward the front seat.

I don't know if Bellamy understood why she did it, but I did. She was helping me out. She was making it so we could sit together.

I gave her a silent thank you.

Bellamy opened the door and let me climb in first, I almost sat in the center seats but at the last second, I decided to go to the back of the van. I wanted to talk to Bellamy and I'd rather the other two not hear everything that was said. When Bellamy got into the van he looked at the empty seat than back at me and when I patted the seat beside me, he smiled before sitting next to me.

After the van started and we were on the way I turned and looked at Bellamy. "I knew we needed to talk so I thought it would be better to sit back here."

"Figured as much." He looked ahead "sorry I haven't been around all week."

"I'm guessing you've had a lot on your plate?" I hoped that he hadn't just been ignoring me.

"I knew I couldn't let you go alone. So, I've been doing a lot of moving things around to make sure everything will run smoothly back there with both me and Miller gone."

"I'm glad you came." I told him honestly. "Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can." He said turning in his seat so his whole body was facing me.

"Do you think this is a mistake?" I needed to know what he thought.

"I don't know. I honestly have no clue how they'll act with you just showing up like this after being gone a year." He took a breath "I see why you've got to do it though and I'm sorry I couldn't see it before, I guess I was blinded by the jealousy."

I reached my hand out and laid it over his. "It's crazy, I feel like at the beginning we kept getting pulled together but then when we finally had the opportunity to be together things just wasn't aligning right."

"I know what you mean." He turned his hand over and intertwined our fingers. "I want you to know that I'm sorry about what happened last week. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."

I actually laughed "yea that's not what happened."

"Uh yea that's exactly what happened." He tried to argue.

I scooted in to him a little more and whispered in his ear "You have no idea how long I've wanted that to happen."

"Oh yea. You want to tell me all about it?"

I couldn't help but slap him playfully on his arm. "You're such an ass."

"I might be, but you wouldn't change me if you could."

I closed the gap that was between us then laid my head on his shoulder "I really wouldn't."

He stretched his arm out and put it across my shoulders. "There's something else I'd like to apologize about. I'm sorry about Echo. I knew it was wrong, but I used her to hurt you."

"Just promise not to do anything stupid like that again and we'll be alright."

"I'd never do anything to hurt you again. You have my word on that."

I couldn't help but lift my head from his shoulder, so I could look at him. I don't know where it came from, but I kissed him right there in the back of the van. It wasn't anything inappropriate but since we hadn't really talked about where this was going it was kind of inappropriate.

"About damn time you two get over your issues and get where you belong." I heard Emori from the front seat and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Way to ruin the moment." I said laughing.

"You'll have plenty more of them. I have a feeling when you get back you'll be locked up in one of your bedrooms for a full week." My mouth dropped with how open Emori was. "You just got to make sure if you ever come back and visit you give me all the details. Just looking at him I bet he's pretty damn good."

Bellamy cleared his throat "I think that's enough talk now."

I should've kept my mouth closed but I couldn't help but say "you're dead on."

Emori's eyes grew huge and I couldn't help but notice Millers did as well. I really had just openly told the two of them that I had slept with Bellamy. I hadn't even told my two best friends that yet.

"I knew it." She pretty much yelled "it's going to be so long before I get laid again. Ugh!"

I couldn't help but think if we'd have met in a different situation that we would have really gotten along. It just happened to be that we had both been in love with the same guy at the same time. And that can cause hard feelings between any two people.

Depending on how our visit goes we may be able to come back and visit. I really hoped we could because I'd like to see if it is possible for me and Emori to be friends. I'd also like to see her baby grow up.

I honestly had no idea how things would go. I know my mom will probably still be pissed that I took off, but I really hope that she can get over that. Me and my mom didn't get along a lot of the time, but I hope now that I've grown some and having the time apart and possibly close the gap between us.

 _So they are on their way back to the base... Bellarke kind of a thing now... We'll see where being back at the base takes them._


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

I felt like it took us so much longer to get out of that place then it did to get back to it. I know logically it was around the same amount of time, but I think because I was enjoying the time with Bellamy that it just felt like the time flew by. The entire drive we kept in contact somehow. Even when he took his turn driving we were touching somehow.

When the base finally came into view, my heart was racing. I knew we'd have to walk the rest way, so Miller wouldn't be seen. We didn't want anything to happen and they find out about Miller. We got out of the van and I immediately look Emori's hand. She gave me a look but never said a word.

When Bellamy started walking up behind us I stopped "what're you doing?"

"You don't think I'd let you go in there alone, do you?" He replied.

"Bell do you think that's a good idea? You were one of the guards. You took their weapons. They may not be so forgiving to you." I was starting to panic a little.

"Now don't worry your pretty little head Princess. I'll be fine." He said without a hint of fear in his voice.

"I always worry." I told him honestly.

He bent down and gently placed his lips on mine. Since I still had Emori's hand in mine I squeezed her hand.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." I told him as he straighten himself back out.

I took one last deep breath before I started walking again. Bellamy stayed behind us. We were about 50 feet from the entrance when I heard the guards yelling. I couldn't actually hear what they were saying but Bellamy told us to stop and place our bags in front of us, so I did just as he said. We all stood there, hands in the air until about 8 guards were on us.

"State your names and your reason for being here." One of the guards said.

But before we could get a word out one of the other guards said, "That's Bellamy Blake and I'm almost positive that that's Doctor Griffin's daughter."

"John is that you?" I heard Bellamy ask from behind us.

The guy nodded. I didn't miss the smile that crossed his face but was quickly masked.

"What are you doing back here?" The first guard asked looking directly at Bellamy.

"Actually, were here to ask your help. One of our people has become pregnant and we don't have the resources to deliver the baby without the chance of losing one or both of them." Bellamy answered him in a very serious and professional tone.

"We'll bring you inside, but this'll have to be discussed." He said and once again only directed it to Bellamy.

The guards then searched each of us then one of them grabbed our bags. My guess was to check them as well making sure we didn't have any weapons on us.

As soon as they started walking we followed behind them. The moment I felt Bellamy's hand on my back it helped my nerves. I was still scared out of my mind but having him there really helped.

We followed through the gates then to a room straight to the right. I didn't remember this room from before.

When we were alone Bellamy wrapped his arms around me, kissing me again. "I'll probably have to go with them, but I'll come find you."

"What do you mean? Why would you have to go with them?" I didn't like the sound of that at all.

"Like you said I was one of their guards. They will need to speak to me alone."

"But you'll be ok? Right?" I hated the way I sounded but I couldn't have something happen to him.

"I'll be fine." That was the first time he didn't sound so sure.

"Bellamy what aren't you telling me?" I was really starting to get frantic.

He held me tighter "you've got nothing to worry about."

I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that that wasn't true.

The door opposite of where we came in opened and I recognized one of the guards that appeared "Sergeant Blake. Colonel Kane would like a word with you."

Bellamy attempted to get up, but I held him tight. He stopped fighting and put his hand on my face "Clarke I have to go. I'll come find you in a little while ok?"

"I'm scared." I didn't know what it was, but I was always able to be completely truthful with him.

"Don't be. You get Emori to your mom. Do what you need to and don't worry about me."

He kissed me one more time which was interrupted by the guard clearing his throat.

He held my hand until he couldn't anymore but before it was too late I yelled his name.

He looked back before going through the doorway.

"I love you." I didn't know why but I felt like I needed to tell him. Like he had to know.

I don't know what I expected but it wasn't for him to just turn away and walk through the doorway.

"Ouch." Emori said which brought me back into the room with just the two of us.

"He's not safe. He knew he wouldn't be, but he came anyway." I said not really speaking to Emori.

"He came because he loves you. I hope you know that." I looked over to Emori and saw the sincerest look I've ever saw from her.

"And that may be his death sentence." As soon as the words left my mouth I broke down, I couldn't help but think about Murphy and him dying because he loved me and now the same could happen to Bellamy.

I felt Emori's arms around me and it was the oddest feeling. I never thought in a million years that she would comfort me.

"You need to be strong Clarke. You need to think about the task on hand. You and I both know that Bellamy can take care of himself." Her words seemed to help.

I heard yelling coming from outside the room and I knew right away who it belonged to.

I could hear the guard say something, but it was too low to understand his words. But when my mother spoke I could hear her words clear enough.

"I don't give a damn about your orders. You will let me take my daughter home and have your Colonel find me. I think he and I need to have a little conversation." She was steamed.

To my surprise the door opened and when I saw my mom I felt like a kid all over again. I jumped up and ran to her. "Mom."

"Clarke. I can't believe it's really you. I heard rumors, but I had to come myself." She said as she had me wrapped in an embrace.

"Who's this?" She asked the moment we separated.

"This is my friend Emori and she needs your help." I told her.

"How far along are you?" She asked immediately.

"Uh… I'm not really sure but I'm guessing around 6 months." She looked to me "Is that right? Murphy's been dead about 6 months, right?"

I nodded.

My mom looked at me with huge eyes. "Murphy's dead?"

I just nodded again. "We'll talk later. Can we go? She needs to eat."

"Follow me." She grabbed both of us by a hand, so we followed without questioning.

I half expected the guard to say something, but he didn't. He didn't even look at my mom which I thought was odd. What has happened in the last year that the guards let my mom order them around?

Everything looked the same as it did when I left. My mom led us to the cafeteria first and told Emori where to go to get some food. She didn't even pause for a moment, she took off straight to the line.

"We have a lot to catch up on." My mom said the moment we were alone.

"I agree." And I did, there was a lot we needed to discuss. "First I need you to know something about Emori. I can't bring her here without you knowing. She'd been banished before we found her a couple months ago pregnant."

That got my mom's attention. "Banished?"

"Yes. We kicked her out because she tried to kill someone." I took a deep breath. "Mom Emori is Murphy's girlfriend. She had been for a long time."

Her mouth dropped "when you say she tried to kill someone do you mean you?"

I slowly nodded. "There was a lot of problems. And she blamed me for Murphy."

"Why would she do that?" She asked curiously.

"Because he wanted to leave because of me. And the number one rule out there is if you're on the outside do not be distracted. And he was because of me." This was the first time I recalled what happened without breaking down.

"You were there? You saw it happen, didn't you?" She knew the answer to that without even asking.

I nodded.

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry." She hugged me. "So where does Emori come into this all?"

"She was grieving, the same as me. And she blamed me for his death. There are still days that go by that I blame myself as well, but I remind myself that it wasn't my fault." I opened up to her.

"The baby. It's Murphy's isn't it?" That's one thing about us Griffin woman we always catch on quickly.

"Yea."

"I'll take care of it." She said without hesitation.

"Mom do me a favor and take care of both of them. I don't believe Emori is a threat or I wouldn't have brought her here. She's really not that bad of a person."

"Only you could make friends with the person who tried to kill you." She laughed a little.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked her hoping she was still in the sharing mood.

"Of course."

"What kind of person is Colonel Kane?" I heard her talking to the guard about him, so she obviously knew him.

"Why do you ask?" She asked curiously.

"Well they took a friend of mine to see him when we got here." I told her honestly.

Her expression completely changed "Bellamy Blake?"

"How'd you know that?" Now I was curious.

"I'll talk to Marcus about him." She still hadn't taken her eyes off me "so you and Bellamy?"

"We've been working on it."

I knew that next smile oh to well, it was her I told you so smile.

"Oh, don't let her lie to you. Those two are completely in love and have been for who knows how long but haven't been able to admit it until here recently." Of course, Emori would make her appearance back over to us at that time.

"Oh yea, in love huh?"

"Shut up. You had no idea that this would happen." I joked.

Emori was looking between the two of us obviously confused.

"My mom attempted to hook me up with Bellamy before we left here." I told Emori not thinking about how that sounded.

"Well sometimes moms do know best." Emori said looking at my mom.

"No, my mom just hated Murphy and would've set me up with anyone else to get me away from him." I didn't mean to get into all that, but the words left my mouth before I could stop them I looked at my mom and said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. That's the truth and I know I drove you away because of the way I was. I've changed so much. You leaving really opened up my eyes." She sounded like her words were the truth. "I'm glad you came back Clarke. You have no idea how many times I prayed something would bring you back, so I can show you how much I changed."

"I'm glad you've changed but I'm not planning on staying." I needed to be completely honest with her.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm hoping we could stay a couple days, but we've got a whole group that depends on us mom. I'm their doctor and Bellamy is their leader. I hoped maybe we could work something out, so we could come visit or something."

My mom stood quickly. "I've got to be somewhere, but all your stuff is still in your old room. When you're ready just take Emori there."

Her behavior was more than a little odd.

As soon as she was out of earshot Emori said "you probably shouldn't have told her that yet."

I walked around with Emori for a little before finally finding our way back to my room. Well the room I shared with Murphy. I warned her beforehand that his things would probably still be there. I didn't want it to be a surprise. It took me a minute to open the door but when I did it looked like no one had touched it since we left.

I couldn't help but look at the bed and remember that last night. How happy and in love we had been when Bellamy came banging on the door, telling us that we had to go.

"You ok?" Emori asked obviously seeing my mood change.

"Yep just hard being back here." I looked back at the bed again. "It doesn't even look like they changed the sheets. I hadn't expected to walk back in here and it look the exact same as it did the day we left."

"Were you and Murphy happy?" She asked.

"I think we were but there was so much against us from the beginning. Honestly if the world wouldn't have pretty much ended I have no idea how we would have factored out." I finally went and sat on the bed "he was distant about a lot of things and I just figured that's just the way he was but now that I met you I really think he kept that distance between us because of you. Even though he was with me telling me he loved me. He loved you to."

"I'm sorry I shot you." She was so serious, but I couldn't help but laugh.

"I don't mean to laugh but it's a little crazy that I think we can actually be friends."

There was a knock on the door. I didn't think my mom would knock and I didn't expect it to be Bellamy this soon. But since there really wasn't any other options I just assumed it was one of the two. When I opened the door, it was the last person I thought I'd see. Someone I hadn't seen in years that I had come to believe I may never see again.

"Daddy…." Was all I could out before I was in my father's arms.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

After talking to my dad, I found out that he had actually came to the base just a couple months after I left. He never told me how he found it exactly, but I had a feeling that my mom somehow got him there. It's not that I didn't appreciate it, but it made me suspect that my mom had lied to me and she knew where he was the entire time.

When I was with my dad it seemed like all the time had never passed. We talked about everything, I told him about Murphy and about Bellamy. Hell, I even told him about Roan, even though I knew he didn't need to know about everything, I needed him to know. I needed our relationship to go back to what it used to be. And to my surprise it seemed like it kind of did.

I learned that my dad had remarried but both his new wife and stepson had died a few weeks after the outbreak. I felt like I should've been pissed that he had started a new family, but I couldn't force myself to be mad at him.

I'd been so wrapped up in spending the day with my dad that I hadn't even realized that it had turned night, hours before. When I finally went back to my room, I expected to see Emori but all I found was a note. Apparently, my mom had pulled some strings and got her a room right down the hall. I meant to go check on her, but I never made it back out of my room, I was wore out. I was sound asleep within a couple of minutes.

I slept so peacefully that night. I hadn't slept that good in so long. I didn't know if it was because I knew I was safe there, well safe against the dead, that made it easier. When I finally woke the next morning, I felt so relaxed. It had been so long since I was able to sleep in. Being back here was starting to remind me of why I never wanted to leave in the first place.

I knew the first place I needed to go that morning was to see Thelonious. I needed him to know Wells was doing good. I went to my closet and threw on some of my old clothes before heading out the door.

Going from my door to Thelonious I was stopped about a half dozen times by people who couldn't believe it was actually me. I had no idea who any of these people were, but I smiled and nodded being polite. I only had to knock once and Jaha was standing there with the door wide open pulling me into a hug. I expected him to yell but he just seemed happy to see me.

He welcomed me into his room then once we were seated he finally asked the question he'd been dying to ask. "Is he alright?"

I nodded "you'd be so proud of him. He's grown so much being out there."

"I was so furious with you. I blamed you for taking him after I found his note. I went to your mother and she didn't even know that you had taken off yet." He shook his head "I thought she'd be more upset but honestly it seemed like she was more annoyed. It took a while, but she finally opened up and I think you leaving was the best thing that could have happened to her."

I laughed "thanks."

"Clarke I've known you for a long time and if there was one person I could trust my son with, it's you. I know you're loyal, you're like your father. But seeing you here now has me a little shaken."

"Wells is taken care of back home you have nothing to worry about. We have about 20 people with us now. We've grown into a very self-surviving group." I needed him to know Wells is well taken care of.

"Thank you for coming by. You have no idea how much it means it me." He was much appreciated.

We sat and talked for a few more hours before I knew it, I had to go check on Emori. I hadn't saw her since the day before and I needed to make sure she was being treated fairly.

I went by the room she was supposed to be staying in but didn't find her there. Since it was the middle of the day she could be anywhere. So, I figured I'd go see my mom, I hadn't talked to her yet since seeing my dad and I needed her to know that I didn't appreciate that she hadn't told me.

When I walked into medical I not only found my mom but Emori as well. "Hey just the two ladies I was looking for."

They both looked at me at the same time.

I looked at Emori "I just wanted to make sure everyone is being kind to you since my mom gave me her word that they would."

She smiled then nodded "they've been kind. Especially your mom you wouldn't think she knew I shot you."

"You know I couldn't bring you here and not tell anyone. I promised my mom that you don't have any more murderous tendencies so don't make me out to be a liar." I joked.

Then I looked at my mom and said "and I'm kind of pissed at you right now. I can't believe you didn't tell me dad was here. Don't you think that should have been the first words out of your mouth?"

She shook her head "I figured it would be best for you if he just came to see you. I sent him the moment we were done talking."

I gave her a huge grin "I had a feeling you did. Thank you, mom."

My looked at Emori "we were actually getting ready to do an ultrasound and if Emori doesn't mind you can stay. Maybe you can learn a thing or two, you know for when you go back to your people."

Did I really hear her right, she wasn't going to fight me on going back? "My people?"

"Look Clarke obviously I don't want you to go again but I know you and I know if I try to force you to stay here you'll find another way out. I want us to be on good terms, so you will come back and see me."

I never thought she could surprise me in a way like this, for her to accept my choice and be willing to let me go back without a fight showed me exactly how much she had changed. I threw my arms around her. "I love you."

"I love you to baby." Her voice actually broke, it wasn't much but it was enough for me to tell.

After our embrace she cleared her throat then looked back at Emori "so it's on you."

"I don't mind her being here. Without her I'd be dead." She said like it was no big deal.

My mom ordered her on the table and I took my place by her side. She grabbed ahold of my hand, she was nervous, and she had every right to be. This was the first time she would be able to see her unborn child.

I watched as my mom tucked her shirt under her bra then squirted some stuff on her expanded belly. I watched Emori as she watched the monitor and the moment that my mom placed the wand on her stomach and found the baby, the heartbeat was strong and loud. She tightened the grip on my hand. I saw the tears streaming down the side of her face.

I looked up at the monitor just as my mom found the profile of the baby. I couldn't tear my eyes away. One day I had hoped to have a family but with the way the world is I couldn't imagine it anymore. I don't think it's fair to bring life into a world like this.

"Do you want to know what it is?" My mom asked Emori.

She just nodded.

"You see that right there?" She pointed to the monitor "that means you're having a little boy."

She started crying even harder. I reached down to comfort her. "Shh."

"How am I going to do this Clarke?" She said between sobs. "I have no one."

My mom stepped in "I know we really don't know each other very well but you have me. I will help you all I can. I will be here with you every step of the way."

"Thank you, Abby."

Once Emori was cleaned up and had finally got her emotions in check she asked me if I wanted to come check out her room. We were on our way out the door when my mom called to me.

I turned around and she said "Marcus would like to have a word with you. Be at my place at 7 for dinner."

I nodded hoping it was some good news. At least I will get some kind of information on Bellamy, we've been here for about 24 hours now and I have no idea where he is.

We went back to Emori's and just sat there and talked. I honestly couldn't tell you exactly what we talked about, I was so lost in my own thoughts that I wasn't paying attention very well. She didn't seem to hold it against me though.

"It's about that time." She said which got my attention. She pointed to the clock hanging on the wall.

I only had another 30 minutes before I was expected for dinner.

"Do you think he's ok?" I asked Emori knowing she couldn't really answer the question but at least she could give me her opinion.

"Remember what I told you yesterday. He can take care of himself. Don't go getting yourself worked up."

"I can't help it. I just keep thinking that if he's in trouble, it's because of me." I put my head into my hands.

Emori tried to comfort me but by the time I left and headed to my mom's I still had that feeling, the feeling that something was wrong.

I stood outside my mom's door, debating if I should just enter or knock. Finally deciding to knock. When she opened the door, the puzzled look she gave me told me I should have just went in, like I used to. But it was too late now, it was already done.

The first thing I noticed when I walked inside was how good it smelled. "Are you cooking?"

She laughed "no, your mom still can't cook. Actually, Marcus is cooking for us tonight."

I looked past my mom and saw who I was guessing was Marcus. He had the biggest smile plastered on his face. I wasn't positive, but I was pretty sure that my mom was dating the Colonel.

Without even taking a moment to introduce myself I asked my mom "so how long has this been going on?"

I wasn't sure why I let it get to me, her and my dad were over years ago. He had already been married but here I was getting pissy with my mom for having a boyfriend.

She swallowed "actually before you left."

I knew my eyes bugged out "what? I don't even remember him from before."

"He's a very private person Clarke. But he asked me to set this up so the two of you could talk." I couldn't help but notice she looked a little nervous.

"Is Bellamy alright?" I couldn't hold it in any longer, I needed to know.

"I don't know anything, but my guess is that's why Marcus asked you here tonight." I could tell that she knew more she was obviously more loyal to Marcus then she was her own daughter.

Marcus was placing the plates on the table as I walked into the kitchen. "Perfect timing."

I knew I should have been polite, but I couldn't seem to keep my mouth closed 'where is Bellamy?"

"You don't waste, anytime do you?" He chuckled. "You guys are really loyal to each other, aren't you?"

"I just need to know that he's alright." I felt defeated.

"Oh." His expression completely changed, he looked from my mom to me "I hadn't realized you two were a couple."

I didn't correct him, we were kind of a couple.

"Let's eat and we'll discuss everything over dinner alright?"

I just nodded and sat down, looking over the plate and couldn't help but notice that it looked delicious. I was still trying to decide what I thought about Marcus but if his cooking indicated anything about himself then I may love him.

Everyone stayed quiet for the first part of dinner before Marcus finally said, "So Clarke how has it been living on the outside?"

"Hard." I told them honestly "you have to fight pretty much every day to stay alive. But it's worth it. I look around at what we accomplished and feel proud. I found myself being out there. I truly believe I found my true self being out there. I don't think I could have done that being stuck here."

Marcus was obviously thinking, he scratched his head "so there's no way that we could talk you into staying here? We could use someone like you here."

I shook my head "I already talked to my mom about this. I'd love to come visit but this isn't my home. My home is out there with my people. They need us."

I saw him let out a deep breath "Bellamy will not be allowed to leave this base a second time."

"What do you mean?" I was starting to freak out a little.

"He's in lockup. He's awaiting his sentencing, but we already discussed that he would not be allowed behind them walls again." It seemed like he was having a hard time telling me this.

I stood up quickly which made my chair tumble backwards and fall against the floor. "He's where? You guys have him locked up?"

"Clarke calm down." My mom ordered but I wasn't going to listen, not this time.

"He came back here because of me." I looked at my mom with tears filling my eyes "I can't have another one die because of me."

Marcus stood up "he will not get a death sentence."

"Not being able to leave here will be like the same thing and he will blame me. He might not mean to, but he will. It'll tear him up leaving his sister out there yet again." I was so angry, but the tears kept coming.

"So, he found Octavia, did he?" Marcus asked me, full of curiosity.

I had a feeling that I shouldn't have said that. I should have kept my mouth closed.

"Can I see him?" The words just left my lips, I hadn't meant to ask. Not exactly anyway.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Marcus replied.

My mom looked at Marcus "what would it hurt if she went and seen him? It's not like she can break him out."

It surprised me that she stuck up for me.

"We'll discuss it tonight and get back with you tomorrow." He didn't sound like he liked the idea, but I guess I had to give him the benefit of doubt. At least he's thinking about it.

I finished my dinner and excused myself, I couldn't be there any longer. I had plans and if I didn't act quickly I may not be able to pull it off.


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

After leaving my mom and Marcus I went and changed quickly. Then headed to the only place I could think to go. I needed to speak to one of the guards and I had a feeling the best place to go would be the entrance. The moment I approached the gate I had two guards on me, but neither was the one I wanted to see.

"Miss Griffin you're not supposed to be here." I don't know why it surprised me that they knew who I was.

"Sorry." I batted my eyes "actually I was uh… I was kind of looking for someone… John something, I'm sorry but I didn't catch his last name." I acted embarrassed "I was just really hoping to see him again."

I knew I wasn't that good at acting like this person anymore, but I needed to try something, and I had a feeling John could help me. Both guards just stared at me.

"Look I get it, I'm not supposed to be here. How about you give him a message? Ask him to come by my place? That way you guys won't get in trouble for going against the rules." I was starting to worry that they weren't going to help.

One of the guys slapped the other on the arm and finally said "we can give him the message. It's not going to hurt anyone."

The other one seemed not so convinced but he didn't argue.

I knew I was about to push my luck with my next statement "well the sooner the better." I pretended to blush "I'd really like to see him again."

I turned and walked away hoping like hell that one of them would go run off and tell him I wanted to see him. I knew the impression I gave them, I just hoped that John wouldn't be expecting anything when he shows up.

I was surprised that I hadn't even been home 10 minutes when there was a knock on my door.

I opened it and a very confused looking John stood there "I was told you wanted to see me?"

I stepped aside "come in please."

He hesitated but did in fact come inside. I closed the door behind him then turned around with him staring at me intently.

"I'm sorry I didn't know who else to go to." I took a deep breath to control my emotions "I'm worried about him and I didn't know who else to go to. You seemed like you may have been close at one point."

Finally, clarity crossed his face, he finally understood why I asked him there.

"He shouldn't have come back here. He knew what the sentence was for someone who betrayed us." The way he said that scared me even more than I already was. Is he in a lot worse shape than I thought?

"I told him not to come but he's stubborn and wouldn't listen." I tried not to choke up.

"He just wanted to protect you." He said knowingly.

"I know." I whined and then went and sat on the side of the bed. "I want to see him."

His eyes widen "you could get yourself thrown in there with him."

"I don't care." I said without hesitation "I won't let them hurt him, not because of me."

John shook his head. "What do you need from me?"

"I need to know where he is and how to get in."

He let out a breath "well you won't be able to get anywhere near where he is by yourself."

"There has to be a way." I wasn't going to give up.

"There is but you guys will owe me big because if I get caught I could be in the same boat as Bellamy." He and Bellamy must have been closer than I originally thought if he's willing to put himself at risk for him.

"I'll do anything." And that was the complete and honest truth.

"I'm glad you say that because I'm thinking you won't like what you'll have to do much." He said almost in an embarrassed tone.

"So, what's your plan?" I asked.

"Well I'm going to bring you back to my room for a little one on one party." He paused then continued "then once the coast is clear I'll sneak you in to see him."

"Let's do this." I said jumping up off the bed.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Bellamy Blake actually had a girlfriend again. After his breakup with Gina I honestly never thought he'd let himself fall for someone."

I hadn't heard much about Gina except that he really loved her and when she left him it left him cold. That was about a year before the world died.

I couldn't help but blush at his comment though, I knew we weren't officially anything yet, but I hoped after all this that would all change.

As we started walking to what I could only assume was the part of the base that the guards stayed he took my hand and quietly asked "so how long you two been together?"

I giggled "actually were not."

He stopped and took both of my hands in his "then why are we doing this?"

"Because I love him." I said finally not caring who knows.

He nodded then started walking again. It was obvious when we started to cross over. Things looked so much different and honestly, they looked a lot better than the rest of the base.

He held my hand a little tighter "get ready."

Just on cue I leaned into him like I was whispering something in his ear then kissed him on the cheek just as one of the other guards came toward us. I knew the whole plan could come crashing down if someone got suspicious of him bringing me to this side of the base.

I'd never saw the guard before but the way he looked at me made me squirm a little. He stopped just as we were about to pass "hey John why don't you introduce your friend."

John looked annoyed "Dax this is Clarke, she's a friend of mine."

Dax looked me up and down then finally landed on my face "well if you get tired of him your more than welcome to come find me. I'd rock your world."

He instantly pissed me off "Oh believe me when I say that he satisfies my every need."

Dax actually looked taken aback, he looks at John "good job. Didn't think you had it in you."

We continued to walk and the moment I knew we were out of earshot I whispered "sorry."

"Don't be. That felt pretty damn good." He had a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

We walked just a little further before he stopped and pulled me to a door. "This is me."

My heart was pounding knowing what was about to happen. We hadn't really talked about the details, but I knew we needed to make it seem like we were here for one reason and one reason only. He pulled me to him before we reached the door, he kissed my cheek then he moved to my neck and instinctly I pushed him up against the door. He ran his hand up and down my body purposely missing any areas that he shouldn't be touching.

Finally, I pulled myself away from him "will you open this damn door."

The moment we were behind his door we parted in a very awkward silence. Neither would look at the other. After about 10 minutes of complete silence I couldn't take it anymore.

"Ok obviously that was awkward as hell, but we did what had to be done without crossing any kind of line." I said with a huge breath of air.

"I feel like I did cross a line. I just had my hands all over a friend of mines girl." He still wouldn't look at me.

"It was for show. You made sure you kept your hands in appropriate places." I hoped I could get through to him. I don't want this weighing on him when he's trying to help me out.

Finally, after about a half hour he finally seemed to relax a little. We discussed what was going to happen after this. He wasn't going to be involved anymore, everything after this was up to me. If something happened and I ran into someone once I left his room I needed to come up with a pretty damn good story about why I was wondering around the guard's quarters.

We decided to wait close to two hours after we made the appearance in his room. Then I would take a walk afterwards and my story would be that I got lost trying to get back home. I hoped I wouldn't have to make up the excuse. He said usually the guards didn't patrol their own area, so I hoped I could get to lockup and not be stopped.

"Wish me luck." I said as I was about to head out the door.

"You don't need luck. You've got this." He handed me a key then hugged me. "Be safe out there."

I took a deep breath then "snuck" out the door. When I closed the door back I laid back on it and pretended to be sad about what I just did. After about a minute I took a step from his room and headed back the way we came but when I got to the fork I pretended to be confused and accidently walked the wrong way. After heading in that direction for a little bit, I acted like I just noticed that I may be lost. I turned around a few times then "randomly" walked in a direction.

I felt my heart pounding, I was almost there. Walking just a little further I saw the building, it was just as John described. I kept with the being lost look and finally pretended like I was giving up and went and knocked on the door, lightly of course so I couldn't actually be heard. I snuck the key into the door and when I heard it unlock. I quickly put the key back in my pocket. Pretending to knock a couple more times before trying the handle and noticing it was unlocked.

Once I was behind the door, I hurried and locked the door behind me before rushing to find where they were keeping Bellamy. When I finally found the cells my heart broke, they were horrible. I walked down the row of cells before I finally saw him. He was sitting in the corner in a ball, his arms were wrapped around his ripped and dirty pants.

I ran to the cell and barley got out "Bell?"

When his eyes met mine, they instantly went into alarm. "You can't be here."

When I saw his face I almost burst out crying right then. He had so many cuts and bruises covering his face. "What'd they do to you?"

"The same thing they'll do to you if they catch you in here." He finally made his way to me, I put my hand through the bars and lightly touched his beaten face, he winced.

"You promised me you'd be ok." I said not being able to hold back the tears any longer.

"I am ok." He didn't sound very convincing.

"But for how long. How long will they leave you rotting in this cell?" I was getting worked up.

"I knew this was a possibility Clarke, but I couldn't have you coming back here alone. I couldn't take the chance that something would happen to you." He closed his eyes as he spoke. Obviously, it pained him to even speak.

"You can't leave me. Do you hear me? I can't do this without you." I had both hands through the bars not wanting to lose his touch.

He took a deep breath then slowly blew it out. "I can't promise you that."

It was that moment that my worst fears came true, they weren't going to let him go and he knew it. He was going to die in this cell and there wasn't a thing I could do to help him.

"Can't you just promise that you'll stay here or something? We can stay here. As long as I'm with you I don't care where I'm at." I had completely broken down by this point. There was no chance of keeping my sobs in check.

"They don't trust me. They think if they let me loose then I'll recruit more of their people to leave again." He sounded defeated.

I should have known Marcus was full of shit, he sat there and lied straight to my face.

Everything happened so fast, the lights came on and all of a sudden, I was surrounded by guards. I heard Bellamy yelling my name, but I could no longer see him. There were so many guards I didn't have a chance. But I attempted to fight and actually was successful in getting two of them down but then I felt strong arms grab me from behind. I tried to get loose but this time I was unsuccessful, they drug me out kicking and screaming. The last thing I saw before being pulled into a doorway was a couple of the other guards opening Bellamy's cell door and attack him. I felt the fresh tears start streaming down my face.

I was shoved into the room and not gently at all and when I finally saw who it was that finally contained my I felt sick. It was Dax, my heart dropped, I knew John was now officially pulled into this mess.

"I knew there was no way in hell that John could actually get a girl like you." He said walking toward me again.

There was nowhere for me to go, I already checked. There was only one way to enter or leave this room and that door was behind Dax.

"So, Clarke you ready to change your mind about my offer from earlier? I may be able to get you out of some of this trouble." I knew it was the wrong move, but I spit in his face.

"You bitch." I had to admit when he was mad, he was scary, and he was quick.

Before I knew it, I was thrown across the room and hitting the wall. By the time I got back to my feet he was standing in front of me with his body pressed up against mine.

"You will never do that again. Next time you'll lose your teeth." He hissed.

The more he spoke the madder I became. Without thinking about the consequences, I punched him straight in the face. I hoped that it would have more of an effect then it did. Without even trying he had both of my hands in his pressed up against the wall behind me.

I really got myself into a pretty shitty situation.

"You're really making it hard for me not to hurt you." He said right before he plowed his lips into mine.

I didn't kiss him back, but it didn't stop him from continuing. Then he had his free hand all over my body. I still tried to fight him which just got my head thrown back into the wall. I finally started to give in, knowing that the harder I tried to fight the only thing that would happen is I would get hurt. I went limp and began to silently cry.

"Get your hands off her." I heard a roar from behind us. I knew I heard the voice before, but I couldn't place from where. "Get him out of here."

When I finally was able to focus I saw Marcus standing there. He looked at Dax like he was going to kill him which I didn't completely understand.

"Are you alright?" He finally came to me once Dax was out of the room.

I tried to be strong, but my legs gave out and I fell to the floor. The tears once again came.

"I'm sorry Clarke. He was just supposed to detain you until I got here. He was not supposed to lay a hand on you. He will be punished for that." He actually seemed to care.

"What are you going to do to me?" I didn't want to wait until he decided to tell me my fate, I wanted to know now.

"Obviously I'm not very happy you broke in, but I'm not surprised. I had a feeling you didn't accept my answer earlier." He told me truthfully.

"Are you going to kill him?" I didn't really want to know but I needed to.

"That's not something we discuss with civilians. What Bellamy did was a serious crime. We will vote on his fate." Marcus looked sadden by this decision.

"You think his fate has already been sealed, don't you?" I didn't need him to answer I could tell by his expression.

"This is something that you just wouldn't understand."

"Then make me understand." I yelled at him "you can't let him die Marcus. I won't be able to handle losing yet another person that I love. It'll break me. How do you think my mom will handle that?"

If nothing else I hoped playing the mom card would work.

"Clarke my hands are tied here. I have nothing to offer instead of him." He was obviously hinting at something without actually saying it.

"Just say what you want to Marcus. I don't like it when people beat around the bush."

He sighed "there is one thing. I don't know if they'll go for it, but it'll be a good trade."

"What is it?" That's perked my attention.

"You for him." Marcus said not taking his eyes off me. "You stay here, and we'll release him back out there but only if he promises to never come back."

 _I know. I know as soon as they seem like they'll be getting their happily ever after, they're getting pulled apart again._


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

I couldn't believe that I was left with this choice. Marcus told me to think it over and within the next couple days let him know my answer. One of the conditions was that I couldn't breathe a word about this to anyone. Now even my mom. Marcus also promised that John would get off with a warning, he knew my story was complete bullshit, but he said John would't be punished for his involvement. I didn't know what to do. Could I stay here without ever seeing him again? Not knowing how he's doing? Not knowing how our people are?

I locked myself in my room the next two days, I didn't want to speak to anyone. I felt bad because everyone thought I was mad at them. And Emori being as emotional as she is, she thought she had done something wrong again. I needed to really think about what my next move was going to be. I could either leave here without Bellamy and go back to our home not knowing if Bellamy is alive or dead or I could agree to Colonel Kane's proposition and at least guarantee that Bellamy could get out of here safe. I would be stuck, and I'd never get to see him again, but he's be safe.

I don't know why I took the extra time. I knew the moment he gave me the option to save Bellamy's life I was going to take it. But the hard part was to come. I had to convince Bellamy that I wanted him to leave, then and only then would he be allowed to. He needed to think I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He couldn't be attached to me when he left this place because if he was then there was a good chance that he'd come back.

Before I went to see Marcus I already had the plan in motion. I got it out that I had been seeing John. Since there were already people who saw us together, it was the best I had to go with. I hoped he would play along and at least with him I wouldn't have to worry about him trying to take advantage of me.

Marcus never told me how he wanted to meet so I took initiative and went back to the other side of the base. The side I knew he would be. The moment the guards swarmed me I told them "I need to speak with Colonel Kane."

"Has he asked for you?" One of the guards asked.

"Just tell him Clarke Griffin would like to see him. He won't refuse." I knew I sounded bitchy, but I needed them to get him.

One of them walked about 20 feet from us and I could hear him say something on his walkie but couldn't make out the words. When he came back he told me to follow him, the other guards scattered off back to wherever they came from leaving just me and the guard that had spoken with Marcus.

Our walk was silent. He didn't even attempt to make this less awkward. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief when I saw Marcus walking toward us.

"Hello Miss Griffin." He greeted me professionally.

"Colonel Kane." I gave a hello head nod.

"Please follow me." He said as he turned around.

I did just as I was told, I figured we were going someone to talk privately.

I was surprised when we went to what looked like his actual quarters. He opened the door letting me enter first.

"Figured this would be the best place to talk." He said as he closed the door behind him.

"I'll stay." I blurted out before he even reached me.

"Are you sure you can convince him to leave without returning?" Marcus said in a serious tone.

"It may take a little bit, but I think I can." I sighed "but firstly you need to let me openly see him."

"Why would I…."

I interrupted him "the only way I'd willingly stay here is if I'm happy. You keeping me from Bellamy would not make me happy."

"Ok." He seemed to be processing that information. "What else?"

"For right now that's all." I looked down at the ground "eventually I'll need you to have some of your men be gossips. They will make sure Bellamy hears about John and I spending a lot of time together."

He nodded and by looking at his face he was seeming to understand where I was going with it all.

"Now this won't be overnight. It'll never work that way. It'll take time." I took a deep breath "at first I'll just go in there so happy to see him. We'll more than likely talk about trying to break him out. I'll start by seeing him a couple times a day. Telling him everything that I did that day. Then gradually it'll only be once a day then every couple days."

"You're going to crush him, aren't you?" Marcus asked and seemed partially sad at his comment.

"There's no other way. Eventually I'll tell him that I had been thinking about staying. He'll ask about John I'll deny it at first. But then I'll end up admitting that I'm starting to have feelings for him." I had to keep myself from breaking down.

"Well it seems like you have this pretty planned out. If you need anything else from me. Let me know." He showed me to the door.

"Can we start right now? Will you take me to see him?" I figured the sooner we started this the better and I needed to see him after last night.

"Let's go."

Once we got to lockup he told each and every guard that I would under no circumstance be denied access to see Bellamy. The guards obviously didn't know how to take the news but they all agreed. Of course, they would, what else could they do.

Marcus walked into lockup with me, at first, I didn't understand until we stopped at Bellamy's cell.

"What are you doing here?" Bellamy asked looking between the both of us.

"I wanted to apologize about last night. We just don't take to kindly to break-ins." He said looking my way "I spoke with Clarke earlier yesterday and told her that I was going to get her in to see you and instead of waiting she decided to do it herself."

"Sorry."

"After speaking very thoroughly with my boss and with her mom of course, we've decided there is no reason to keep her from seeing you. As long as she wants to come and see you she is more than welcome to." Colonel Kane said looking directly at Bellamy. Then he looked back at me "now we will have hours Clarke, let's try not to make the visits in the middle of the night. Let's say before 10PM?"

"I can do that." I agreed with him.

"Now there will always be a guard right around the corner. So, don't try anything stupid." I couldn't help but notice that seemed to be directed to me.

I watched as he walked away and the moment he was out of view I was right next to the bars wanting to feel Bellamy's touch. Somehow in the midst of everything even having the bars between us, the kiss we shared still took my breath away. I had no idea how I was going to pull this off.

"So how'd this happen?" Bellamy finally asked once we were able to take out hands off each other.

"Well it seems that he and my mom are actually dating." I told him "I guess it could be worse though, if they weren't I probably wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"I guess."

"So, my mom and Emori let me sit in on her appointment. I saw the baby and heard his heartbeat." I didn't have to pretend to smile when I talked about that.

"His?" He asked.

I nodded "she's having a little boy. Poor kids gonna be a Murphy Jr I feel it already."

He gave me a sad look "is it hard being back here?"

"A little. There's a lot of memories. It reminds me of how he used to be." I sighed "but on a cheerier note. Your friend John is a godsend. He's the one that helped me get in to see you yesterday."

Bellamy smiled "I hoped you two would officially meet after getting dragged in here. He's one of the only guys that I would trust."

His words made my heart hurt. John would betray him. I would betray him.

"I convinced Marcus that John had nothing to do with it. I told him I used him. I just hope that it holds. I don't want him getting in trouble for helping us out. No one else needs dragged into this."

"Used him? Should I be jealous?" He smiled the first smile that I've seen from in in a while.

I laughed "yea our story was he was taking me back to his room for a little one on one time. Apparently, I stole his key and led myself right to where you'd be."

His eyes lit up "I can't believe you two would do that, just so you could get in here to see me."

"Even though apparently I jumped the gun a little." I told him "I honestly never believed that Marcus would agree to this."

We sat and joked around a little before realizing that I hadn't told him about my dad.

"I almost forgot. My dad's here to." I said with a huge smile.

"Are you serious?" He asked sharing the same smile.

I nodded "I guess he got here a couple months after we took off."

Bellamy's expression changed "if we wouldn't have left…"

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Don't worry about that. I think maybe I was just meant to come back now. Now that I've grown some." That was the first time I planted in the seed that I may want to stay.

"I'm glad he's here." Bellamy finally got out.

"Me to. I honestly thought I'd never see him again." And that was the complete and honest truth.

We talked for just a little while longer before I knew I had to get going. I didn't want to leave him, but I knew it was only for a little while. At least this first week I'd be spending a lot of time with him.

We shared a very awkward kiss through the bars. I didn't mind the awkwardness though just having his lips on mine again was enough for me.

After leaving Bellamy, I went to see John. I didn't care what I promised Marcus I would tell John about the plan because if I didn't he would never go along with it. I just hoped he would be willing to once I told him what the end game is.

I stood outside his place and knocked, obviously he hadn't been expecting me.

"What do I owe this visit?" He said with a huge grin.

"Do you mind if I come in?" I said in a serious tone.

He stepped back and let me come inside. I immediately went into detail about everything that happened. I didn't want to leave out one single thing. When I started rounding out he was focused, I knew he was trying to decipher if he could do this.

"So, what do you say? You wanna break Bellamy's heart with me?" I tried to say in a joking manner, but it came out all wrong and I instantly got emotional.

I hated this. Every single part of it.

"Or do you think there's a way we can break him out?" I asked hopeful.

He sighed "if we tried something like that you'd put your whole group in danger. If he breaks out they will send someone after him, they're not the type to give up until whoever their looking for is found."

I knew it wasn't possible anyway but figured if I didn't at least ask then I didn't do everything possible.

"So, we doing this then?" I asked him, he just nodded. "Well I guess we need to start now then. We need to make sure were seen with each other a lot."

"Well at least you're easy to be around, so there will be no faking the conversations." He was trying to make lite of everything.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Hurting Bellamy was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and that's saying something after everything I've had to do since the start of this zombie apocalypse. Even though this wasn't what I wanted, I knew it's what needed to be done. If Colonel Kane keeps his word and Bellamy and our people stay safe, it'll be worth the hurt.

It'd been two months since coming back to the base. Two months of slowly hurting Bellamy and spending as much time as possible with John to keep up our "relationship". I knew what the next step was, and I wasn't ready, but I knew it was time. I knew the guards have been giving Bellamy information about me and John and the time has finally come that I'd admit my "feelings" about him.

I sighed before walking in. Plastered a fake smile on my face and walked to Bellamy's now nicer cell.

"Hey" I said as I approached the cell.

He looked rough, not as bad as he did when he was first brought in but still not good.

"You look nice." He noticed I was dressed up right away.

"You think so? I'm actually meeting John after I leave here." I said like it was no big deal.

"So, you dressed up for John?" He didn't sound very happy.

"Uh... No... That's not what I meant." I purposely stumbled over my words.

"Is there something going on between you two?" He didn't hold his tongue, he came right out with it.

"No." I said a little higher pitched than normal "we're just really good friends"

"Don't lie to me Clarke. I've seen the way your face lights up when you talk about him." Just hearing Bellamy's voice break almost made me lose it.

"I'm not lying. Nothing has happened between us." I took a deep breath then finally said "but there's something there. I can feel it, I think he can to. But neither of us has acted on it because of you."

My heart broke saying these things to him. I just had to keep reminding myself this was the only way I could save his life.

He just stood there, not saying a word.

"I'm sorry." And that I really meant.

"You know they're never going to release me, right?" He sounded like he had finally started giving up.

"Yeah, I do." That was the first time I'd agreed with him.

When our eyes met that time, I knew that was it. He was ready to let me go.

"He's a good guy Clarke. I'm glad it's him, at least I know he'll take care of you." I had never heard him sound so depressed.

"Bellamy, this." I waved a hand between us "isn't over. I... I… love you."

I couldn't hold back the tears, I knew this was it.

"And because I care about you I need you to move on."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can, and you will." He had so much power in his voice "I have no choice but to rot in here, but you have a choice and you can be happy again. I need you to be happy again."

"No one can ever compare to you." I sniffled.

"That may be the truth, but I need you to try. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded "I'll try."

Bellamy took a deep breath before continuing "and can you do one more thing for me?"

"Anything." And that was the truth I would do anything for the man standing in front of me.

"Don't come back here."

"Bellamy." His words hurt, even though that was my plan. I wasn't ready yet.

He backed away from the bars "it'll be easier, for both of us."

I felt the tears freely falling. "I love you Bellamy and I'll never forget you."

"I truly never thought I could care for someone the way I do you. Take care Clarke, go live your life."

"Make sure you do the same. I'll do as you asked but promise me you'll never let your feelings for me hold you back." I knew I shouldn't have said anything, but I couldn't help it.

He looked confused "I don't know what you mean."

"just promise me, you don't need to know."

"I promise."

I walked up to the bars and put my arm through it motioning for him to come closer. He took my hand and we just stared into each other's eyes at first then I pulled him closer. I needed one final kiss.

I turned without looking back and walked out. The moment I was on the outside I broke down. I couldn't do this, it hurt so damn much.

I didn't know anyone was there until I felt their arms around me. I expected it to be John but was surprised to see my dad.

"What's the matter baby?" He asked.

"It's done. I'm never going to see him again." I cried out on his shoulder.

"You didn't want this?" He was trying to understand.

"Of course I didn't want it, but it had to be done. There wasn't any other way."

"I think what you did was very brave and selfless. I know your protecting Bellamy and the others."

I picked my head up to look at my dad "You know?"

"I suspected for a while now. I confronted Marcus a few weeks ago." He wiped the tears from my cheeks "you saved his life."

"I know and all I had to do was break not only his heart but my own as well."

"But at least he'll be alive because of you."

I sighed "sometimes I wish that I would have just told Marcus to shove his offer up his ass and just run away. But I knew he'd never stop until we were caught, and everyone would be in danger. I just wanted to be selfish, but I knew I couldn't."

"You've grown so much."

"Not by choice."

That night was by far the hardest for me. Knowing that I'd never get to see him again was really starting to sink in. Before I knew it, I was starting to fall into a state of depression. My heart hurt so much.

John came by each day and just sat with me. He didn't force me to talk.

A month came and went.

When I saw Marcus walk through my door I knew it was something serious.

"I'm sorry that your hurting Clarke. But it was either this or he would have died. You need to keep that in mind." He spoke like it was no big deal.

"You know what Marcus. Go to hell. He didn't hurt you or this shit place. The only thing he did was take the people out of here that didn't want to be here." I hadn't meant to yell at him, but I couldn't help it.

"He stole our firearms."

"That may have been the case but that's something you had plenty of. Think about what he saved this place. The food, the water, medicine. All the other resources." I finally stood for the first time in a week "you're nothing but a bully but I guess it makes sense, so is my mom. If you guys don't get your way you use your power to do it anyway."

He just stared at me.

"If you have nothing else to say you can go now. I did my part, so I'm done with you."

He stood and walked to the door "I actually came by to tell you that I kept up my side. Bellamy is gone, and he has no reason to worry about us unless he comes back."

I didn't respond. I couldn't. He was really gone. And I was stuck here.

"Go." I screamed at him.

The moment I was alone I completely broke down.

Growing up I never really experienced any kind of lost. My dad leaving us was the hardest thing I'd ever been through.

I honestly didn't know if I could do this anymore. Ever since this damn apocalypse I have lost pretty much everything that ever meant anything to me. Now I'm stuck in a place that I don't want to be around a whole bunch of people I don't want to see. These aren't my people.

My people. I never really thought I could call anyone that but that's exactly what they are. They are my people and I am theirs and now because of my bright idea to help Emori I have lost them. I have lost everything that means anything to me.

Hours past, really, I had no idea how long I laid there when I heard a knock on the door. I didn't move, I didn't say a word, I just continued to lay there hoping whoever it was would go away. But when I heard the door open I turned to see Emori standing there. She didn't wait to be invited in, she let herself in and shut the door behind her.

She sat there silently for a few minutes before finally saying "I'm sorry."

I didn't acknowledge her.

She sighed "I know this is all my fault. If it wouldn't have been for me, you would've never came here and he wouldn't have followed you. I know we've had our problems, but I'd never wish this on you. You don't deserve to lose him to."

Finally, I turned over in the bed, so I could look at her.

"You have no idea how much I wish we could just go back. All I had to do is tell you I didn't want to come here and none of this would have happened." I have never seen Emori this sincere.

"It's not your fault." Were the only words I could get out.

I knew how that guilt could eat you up inside and I didn't want her having that on her.

"I know I'm not the one who physically killed him, but I can't help but feel partially responsible." She had so much pain in her voice.

"How did you… Uh… How'd you hear about him dying?" I asked her.

"They did it publicly for everyone to see. I kind of figured that's why you've been locked up in your room again." She shook her head "It was obvious they wanted to do it publicly, so everyone would see they won't deal with traitors."

My mind was racing. How could they publicly execute him when I was promised he would be released. I understood they couldn't publicly release him back on the outside, but I just figured they would have just done it quietly and just been done with it.

"How'd they…" I took a deep breath "How'd they, do it?"

I felt the new tears building up.

She shrugged her shoulders "honestly I'm not completely sure, it looked like some kind of injection. Your mom was the one that administered it."

The anger was building up. I needed to talk to Colonel Kane. Or my mom. Or both. I needed to make sure he really hadn't been executed.

I sat up. "I gotta go."

Emori looked surprised. "Where are you gonna go?"

"I need to see my mom." I said quickly.

"You didn't know, did you?" She seemed to pick up on my actions.

I didn't respond. I walked past her and out of the room. Leaving her staring after me.

At first, I started heading toward my mom's quarters but at the last moment I changed courses. I knew I wouldn't get any answers from her. I needed to speak with Marcus. I walked straight toward his quarters knowing the guards would not be happy for me, a civilian, trespassing. But at this moment I didn't care.

It took a little longer than I expected to be seen by one of the guards but the moment I was he pulled his weapon on me. "Stop right where you are. You have entered a restricted area. Please turn around now."

I looked at him and tried my hardest to not be a complete bitch "I know exactly where I am. I know that I am not supposed to be here, but do I look like a give a shit? I need to speak with Colonel Kane. Either you can run off and let me continue on my way or you can radio your boss and tell him Clarke Griffin needs to see him. Either way I will be speaking with him."

The guard just stared at me and I took that for him refusing to radio him, so I took back off walking.

"Miss Griffin please stop. I will radio him." He seemed uneasy about the choices I gave him, but I didn't care.

He took a step away from me, took his walkie out and the only thing I could imagine was that he was contacting The Colonel. He never took his eyes off me as he spoke into the walkie.

Once he put the walkie away he walked back my way and said "continue on your way. He will be waiting."

I didn't say another word to him. I just continued the way I was headed and saw Marcus was true to his word, he was waiting for me outside his quarters. He opened the door as I approached but didn't say a word.

I walked inside, he followed.

"What do I owe this visit Miss Griffin?" He sounded annoyed.

"I just want to make sure you really did keep our end of the deal. I have heard some very uneasy news going around and that's not sitting very well with me." I got right to the point.

"I can assure you I did." He didn't elaborate.

"How the hell am I supposed to believe that? You think I would've been given a heads up or something." I finally let the anger start seeping once again.

"When I came to see you earlier I was going to tell you, but you were in no state of mind to hear it then. I was going to give you a few days before attempting to speak with you again."

"I don't understand. How could it not have happened when the entire base saw it happened?" I wasn't understanding.

"It's why we did the injection. I switched the syringes. Bellamy was not killed. I just needed everyone to think he was including your mother. It sent a message to everyone else here that you'll be sentenced to death if you leave without permission." Marcus paused for a moment "also I used the injection to my advantage as well with Bellamy."

I looked at him confused "what'd you mean?"

"If he comes back here the only explanation for his survival would be your mother. If he returns, she will die."

It took me a minute to understand exactly what he meant but I when I did, it made sense. No one would ever believe Kane was behind him surviving the execution. The blame would be put on my mom, the doctor who performed the execution, the mother of the girl who loved him.

I nodded, letting him know I understood.

Everything made complete sense now. He used us against each other. He knew neither of us would go against the deal because it put others in danger.

I took a deep breath "thank you for sparing him."

I don't know why I thanked him. It was because of him that we're no longer together. But it's also because of him that Bellamy is not dead.

I had no idea what I'd do after this.

I guess I'd live day by day and hope like hell that one day the pain starts fading.


End file.
